Talk:He Xiangning/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: CaroleHenson (talk · contribs) 01:51, 31 May 2016 (UTC)


 * I will start the review, using the GA table below. It's my practice to fill it as a go through the review process, which may take a couple of days. If you have any questions or comments, let me know.-- CaroleHenson (talk) 01:51, 31 May 2016 (UTC)
 * I've finished my comments. The items with the "?" in the first column are the one's with pending issues. If you see the green icon, those items look good.-- CaroleHenson (talk) 15:04, 31 May 2016 (UTC)

Prose comments
The article is well written and quite enjoyable to read. I have some nit-picky type comments or suggestions for you to consider:

Intro:
 * Regarding: "Together with her husband Liao Zhongkai, she was one of the earliest members of Sun Yat-sen's revolutionary movement Tongmenghui." Would it read a little smoother to edit the end to: “Sun Yat-sen's Tongmenghui revolutionary movement”?
 * Should “The” precede “National He Xiangning Art Museum was…”
 * ✅-- CaroleHenson (talk) 19:45, 31 May 2016 (UTC)

Early life:
 * Would it be more accurate to say that her father “ran” or “operated” (suggesting longevity) rather than “started” a successful business trading tea and investing in real estate? Also, see the close paraphrasing section below.
 * What do you think about an edit to change the beginning of the sentence “Because of her "big feet”” - perhaps to “Fortunately”? Or maybe mention that they both appreciated natural-sized feet? I just wonder if starting the sentence with "Because of her big feet" throws an unnecessary emphasis on the rest of the sentence. Also, see the close paraphrasing section below.
 * Would the proper link for “silver dollars” be to the Silver Dragon (coin) or the Chinese yuan article to differentiate it from other types of silver dollars?
 * Used Silver Dragon (coin). Is that ok?-- CaroleHenson (talk) 19:45, 31 May 2016 (UTC)


 * Do you know when she started attending Tokyo Women's Normal School? When did she finish?

Revolution:
 * Please see MOS:COMMA for use of a comma between the relationship and name of the son and daughter.
 * ✅-- CaroleHenson (talk) 19:45, 31 May 2016 (UTC)


 * Same question about the revolutionary movement - or perhaps just add a comma after "revolutionary movement".
 * Do you know the time frame during which she studied painting at Tokyo Women's Arts School?

Sun Yat-sen government:
 * Is there more information in how "He Xiangning persuaded the commanders of seven naval warships to join Sun's government."?
 * Is there more information about how she "took great risk to win the release of her husband"?
 * I'm not sure what "She proposed the 'complete equality of women with regard to legal, social, economic, and educational rights'" means - is this wording for a specific effort, legislative bill, etc.?
 * Is there information about what she did as " a member of the Kuomintang (KMT) Central Committee"? This query may be helpful.
 * I assume that the sentences that follow "Minister for Women's Affairs in Sun's government" related to her role in that position, is that right? Anything else that would be interesting / illustrative to add about her role as minister?
 * Related to other sections: She helped found or had a key role in other organizations (Revolutionary Committee of the Chinese Kuomintang, etc.) - is there any more information about what she did for those organizations?

Assassination of Liao Zhongkai and wartime career
 * very minor point: "right" in "right beside him at the time," isn't really needed. It reads a bit better from an encyclopedia article standpoint without it. Again, though, that's a minor point that's probably a personal preference more than anything else. See what you think.
 * ✅-- CaroleHenson (talk) 19:45, 31 May 2016 (UTC)


 * Is there more information about how or why the women who worked for the Red Cross were killed?
 * Did He Xiangning win any awards or receive recognition when she exhibited her works of art?

People's Republic of China
 * I'm not sure what "He Xiangning kept working until she turned 80 in 1959, and continued to hold many official positions afterwards." means. She stopped working full-time? She retired from specific positions?
 * Did the government or someone in particular erect the "Tomb of Liao Zhongkai and He Xiangning in Nanjing" in the couple's memory / honor?

Art
 * Please see Manual of Style/Visual arts for information about how to format captions for works of art.
 * ✅-- CaroleHenson (talk) 19:45, 31 May 2016 (UTC)


 * Do you know the third work of art (in addition to Lion and Tiger) were depicted on the stamps?

Family
 * There should be a hyphen in "well known".
 * ✅-- CaroleHenson (talk) 19:45, 31 May 2016 (UTC)


 * Would it be better to mention her death in this section, since it's in family and at the end of the article?

-- CaroleHenson (talk) 14:05, 31 May 2016 (UTC)

Close paraphrasing
Sometimes there's only so much you can do - like "successful business trading tea and investing in real estate". One of the key concerns is essentially using the same words in the same order that they appear in the source. In this case, one way to make it a bit better is to say that her father "was a prosperous real estate investor and tea merchant in Hong Kong and Macao."

There are other instance of close paraphrasing. Reading WP:Close paraphrasing should help to identify the cases where there are issues. For what it's worth, it's something I struggle with, too - sometimes it seems hard to paraphrase simple statements. This is a key issue, though. Let me know if there's something I can clarify, etc.-- CaroleHenson (talk) 14:44, 31 May 2016 (UTC)

Comments
I see that you've had a bit of a break, so I'll start updating some of the easy and less controversial ones and get them out of the way.-- CaroleHenson (talk) 19:45, 31 May 2016 (UTC)

Closing comment
Nominator Zanhe has not edited on Wikipedia since the end of April, and reviewer CaroleHenson has not edited for about a month. Under the circumstances, given that the nominator has never addressed any issues, it is time to close this nomination as unsuccessful. Once Zanhe has returned and has addressed the issues raised in this review, a new GA nomination would certainly be in order. BlueMoonset (talk) 17:54, 8 July 2016 (UTC)