Talk:Healthcare in Senegal

Revisions to article
I propose to modify the existing Wikipedia article on “Health in Senegal.” My aim is to provide users across the world, and particularly those in the Western world, a more developed perspective on health issues in Senegal as they pertain to public healthcare, health crises, and particularly women and children’s health. I also plan to provide concrete examples of current healthcare issues in Senegal that are being combated. The wellbeing of Senegalese people has far-reaching implication for success in their many realms of life, including education, careers, family, and broader human capabilities. Providing the proper healthcare resources, particularly to women and children, and across socio-economic classes, can level healthcare coverage and open up capabilities to those who are especially deprived. This article, once revised, will give the public, and the Western world, a better understanding of the current health situation in Senegal, how it has evolved, what is currently being done, and why focusing in health in Senegal is so crucial to the millions of Senegalese people and people throughout the world. I ask for your feedback and suggestions as I pursue this article. I will be drawing on theoretical work pertaining to human development, such as Poor Economics and Creating Capabilities but I ask for suggestions on academic articles that may be useful. Thank you.

Heidimkahle (talk) 05:55, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Comments on revisions to article
This article is good but it needs some substantial revisions. Specifically, it should be consolidated and reorganized, the grammar should be thoroughly proof-read, the tone should be checked for neutrality, and more citations should be added. Going section by section, the I recommend the following:

History: Add more details about the health care system in Senegal. Who received care? What quality of care was it? Were there any significant individuals who developed the health care system? Were the techniques used out of date or how did they change? How many people were served? Also, the section should proceed through time with fewer gaps. It jumps from the turn of the century to WWI to WWII to the present. Add more details about colonial times and provide transitions explaining changes that occurred during the Modern Era. Provie some meaningful stats.

Organization of the health care system: Add more information and definitely a flow chart of some sort. The section is pretty choppy and the information is not that thorough. The breakdown is a bit too basic.

Bamiko Initiative: Pretty good. Needs more statistics of the improvements made though to demonstrate the point. Be careful with such intense adjectives such as "chaos."

Decentralization: Too short and has no statistics. Further explain how decentralization changed infrastructure, decision making, costs, and quality of care. How did things change on the ground?

Privatization: Ends very abruptly and the last sentence lacks a period. Did you get cut off? Too little data and bold assertions that lack citations or explanation. Remember to be neutral. Explain how privatization has made things worse for women. Did it affect costs or care specifically for women or reduce access?

Women and Structural Change: In need of statistics to prove the point. How many female doctors or hospital administrators are there? How has this changed over time?

Barriers to health care and medicine: Explain why each of those things are barriers and how they became barriers. What are the specific detrimental effects of those barriers on women in Senegal?

Specific Disease: The grammar is poor. The sentence should be restructured and divided into 4 or 5 separate sentence. It is awkward to read it the way it is written.

Maternal Mortality: Excellent section!Plenty of statistics and citations are given. The effects of maternal mortality are explained as is their significance and everything within the section is tied together.

Women's Health services and activism: The first sentence is a normative statement. Make it more neutral and eliminate the word "necessary."

Transportation to facilities: Great section. Good use of data and excellent explanations.

Disparities: Too small and should be discussed way earlier. This is the bulk of the interesting information and it is stated in the beginning of the article's introduction. Accordingly, it is too important to be this small and this far down in the article.

I would reduce the number of subsections in the article. It makes the paper hard to navigate and look intimidating. More sources would be nice but the sources you have are good. Very respectable sources that provide legitimacy and assurance of accuracy. It feels like it was written a bit hastily. There are several grammatical errors which need to be cleaned up such as double periods or comma splices. Make sure to write with a neutral tone. You don't want anyone on Wikipedia to accuse you of bias.

Good start but needs fine tuning and more info.

DanSCohen (talk • contribs) —Preceding undated comment added 04:05, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

Second comment to the article
The article has much improvement from its original state as a stub article, but a main concern I have for this article is the organization.

Sections such as “Women’s healthcare concerns” could be put under the “Women and structural changes” subsection or the whole topic of women could be under the subsection, “Barriers to healthcare and medicine.” The “Financing care” section could be divided into two sections with one under the organization section or perhaps under a new section on the role of the international community towards healthcare in Senegal. The sections following the “Financing care” section could be organized under a general issues section to have a stronger framework for the article.

As mentioned before, adding a section on role of the international community or the Senegalese government in Senegalese healthcare could be beneficial in contributing to the article. This would also allow more sources to be added to the article. I think there should be more sources in regards to the great amount of information of the article.

Can you find pictures of a healthcare facility or a clinic in Senegal? Adding pictures will help smooth the flow of the long layout of the article.

Lastly, I think you should focus on convincing the readers why healthcare in Senegal is an important concern. As pessimistic as it sounds, you would basically need to convince the reader why they should care about the topic of the article and discuss how it is different from that of any other country. With that goal in mind, working on the organization of the article will help you achieve the goal.

Overall, the article has the basic information on the issues involved with healthcare in Senegal, but working on the organization and emphasizing the key points and urgency of the topic will be a big boost. MinjKim (talk) 13:22, 6 April 2013 (UTC)

Reaction to reviews
Thank you, both, for your very useful comments as I continue to revise this article. Largely, these are the main components I will continue to focus on: organization and flow, writing mechanics and voice (neutrality), filling in gaps in the information, and developing a better hook. One of the main issues I am running into is the lack of information available regarding healthcare in Senegal. There are many places where more information would certainly be useful, but it is near impossible to find the information I need, especially concerning the history of healthcare in Senegal and the organization of the system. However, I will do my best to continue to find more information. I sincerely appreciate this feedback! Heidimkahle (talk) 01:35, 9 April 2013 (UTC)

Wikipedia Ambassador Program course assignment
This article is the subject of an educational assignment at Rice University supported by the Wikipedia Ambassador Program&#32;during the 2013 Q1 term. Further details are available on the course page.

The above message was substituted from by PrimeBOT (talk) on 16:23, 2 January 2023 (UTC)