Talk:Heaven (Inna song)/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.'' Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) Aoba47 (talk) 03:43, 23 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Grabbing this for a review. Aoba47 (talk) 03:43, 23 November 2016 (UTC)

Lead

 * Please replace the “Heaven” with either “It” or “The song” in the second sentence of the first paragraph of the lead to avoid repetition.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:28, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Please either add a reference for the “catchy” quote at the end of the same paragraph or remove the quote and use your own words.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:28, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * You can just say “teaser” as it is obvious that you are referring to the music video, and the phrase “teaser of it” is redundant and unnecessary.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:28, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * The second full sentence in the second paragraph of the lead is very awkward, and should be revised. It is rather long and detailed for the lead. You can simply mention that the video portrays Inna at a seaside resort community and Olivier Phineas Boissard plays her love interest.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:28, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Since there is not an article about Olivier Phineas Boissard, please add a phrase in front of his name identifying who he is for an unfamiliar reader.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:28, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Change “In order to promote the single” to “To promote the single”
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:28, 24 November 2016 (UTC)

Background and release

 * Introduce Inna the same way that you do in the lead for consistency (“Romanian recording artist Inna”)
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:29, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * The first sentence is not necessary as it is merely background information about the interview, and is not pertinent for an article about the song. Instead, remove the first paragraph, and add the following to the second sentence: “In an interview with the Romanian magazine Unica,”
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:29, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * The phrasing of the second sentence sounds awkward and overly verbose. For clarity, you should simply state that “she explained that she shot a music video for the single “Heaven” in Mauritius at the Shangri-La resort.”
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:29, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * This sentence seems more appropriate for the section on the music video? I would assume that the “Background and release” section would be more about the actual single. Move this to the beginning of the “Promotion” section.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:29, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * I would advise removing the phrase “three days after the premiere of its clip”, as this section should primarily be focused about the single, not the music video. You do not say the exact date of the music video here so it leads to some confusion.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:49, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * What do you mean by “Subsequently”? Please provide a date or timing after the release of the single.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:49, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * This section needs a lot of expansion. If you have any more information about the song’s credits and personnel (where and when it was recorded, the personnel, etc.), then please add it here.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:49, 24 November 2016 (UTC)

Composition and reception

 * The quote box seems excessive to me. It is long and cuts across the section awkwardly and not all of the information is very important and needs to be mentioned. I would recommend incorporating parts of the quote in the article.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:00, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * The phrase “while produced” should be “and produced”. The wording of “while” is not appropriate here.
 * ✅ Reworded a bit. Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:00, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * The wording “The trilingual single portrays” sounds very awkward. Please revise.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:00, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Add “a” in front of “strong African accent”.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:00, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * You do not need to say People Magazine in connection with El Broide twice in the same section. Just say El Broide since the reader already knows whom you are referencing.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:00, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * It is “foresaw” not “foreseed”
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:00, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Is it possible to expand the section on the composition to include information on the instruments used in the song, the beats, etc. You primarily focus on lyrics and vocals, but do not mention anything about the actual sound of the record.
 * ❌ Sorry, but this is one the singer's not so successful songs, thus not receiving excessive coverage in media like "Cola Song" for example, one of her hit songs in 2014. Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:00, 24 November 2016 (UTC)
 * Makes sense. I would suggest if you want to improve this article in the future to try and find more coverage about the song's composition, but at this stage, I believe that you have provided enough information to meet the criteria for a GA in this section. Aoba47 (talk) 23:31, 24 November 2016 (UTC)

Commercial performance

 * In the phrase “Following the premiere of "Heaven" on Romanian radio”, identify the date for this.
 * ❌ The exact date for when the song was released to Romanian radio is unknown, but we do know that it was sent for airplay as the chart is based on airplay statistics. Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:19, 24 November 2016 (UTC)
 * Okay, thank you for the clarification. Aoba47 (talk) 23:34, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * I do not think a week-by-week/play-by-play on the single’s progress on a single chart is appropriate. Simply state when it debuted on the chart, its peak, and how long it stayed on the chart.
 * ❌ The week-by-week data here is not too extensive and would let the section with mostly nothing when removed. Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:19, 24 November 2016 (UTC)
 * That is the primary reason why I take issue with it. It feels like unnecessary padding, as I think (and correct me if I am wrong) that it is discourage to give a week-by-week account of a song's performance on a chart (outside of the week it debuted on a chart, its peak, when it fell off the chart, and the number of weeks it lasted on said chart). However, I will not press this issue, and will allow this information to be kept. Aoba47 (talk) 23:34, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * I would change “its predecessor” to “Inna’s previous single”
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:19, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Bulgaria is part of WP:BADCHARTS. Please remove.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:19, 24 November 2016 (UTC)

Promotion

 * You use YouTube quite a bit for the information about the music video and live performances, and I would strongly encourage you to use a better source. I do not have that big of a problem with YouTube being used for the video, but the live performances definitely need a better source
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:47, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * The first sentence is very long and awkward, so please revise.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:47, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Remove the stuff about John Perez’s previous work. Borders on advertising, and is not necessary for this section.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:47, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Just say “To promote the singe”. The “in order to” is unnecessary.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:47, 24 November 2016 (UTC)


 * The image does not seem necessary for this article. The usage of non-free media images should be limited to when they help to illustrate a specific point. The music video did not receive any critical response or media attention that the screenshot would help to illustrate.
 * ✅ Changed with another image Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:47, 24 November 2016 (UTC)

Track listing

 * Those are a lot of remixes. Collapse Column perhaps?
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:53, 24 November 2016 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * I would imagine a GA about a song would requite a section like this. Please add this information and then use it to revise the “Background and release” section. If this is not possible for whatever reason (I know it can be hard to track this information down for music that is only release digitally), then please let me know. (I have encountered a similar issue while I am working on a draft on another artist's EP that was only made available through digital download/streaming so I understand how it goes). But I would recommend at least putting the songwriters and producer(s) here.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:54, 24 November 2016 (UTC)

Charts

 * Bulgaria is part of WP:BADCHARTS. Please remove.
 * ✅ Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:55, 24 November 2016 (UTC)

Final comments

 * The article is an interesting read, but needs a lot of work. The “Background and release” section needs expansion, you need a “Credits and personnel” section, and the formatting of the references need refining (as well as the replacement of YouTube links with stronger references. I will allow you the time to fix this, but it will require a lot of work. I will give it another look after my above comments are resolved. I hope that I do not sound too negative, as I do appreciate the work you put into this article. Please ping me when you are finished addressing my comments. Aoba47 (talk) 04:35, 23 November 2016 (UTC)
 * It appears that you have addressed all of my comments. Great job with this article. I will definitely pass. I look forward to working with you more in the future. Aoba47 (talk) 23:56, 24 November 2016 (UTC)