Talk:Heinrich Rau/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Hchc2009 (talk · contribs) 17:20, 25 November 2011 (UTC)


 * Update - looking pretty much there. I'll have a check through later, but hopefully we're very close to closing. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:14, 18 December 2011 (UTC)

1. Well-written:

(a) the prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct;

Done.Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced with "agricultural policy maker".Henrig (talk) 21:36, 4 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced with "location".Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced 1918/19 with 1918-1919.Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Now divided into two sentences.Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced with "leave".Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Removed "end of October". Large demonstrations started at the end of October. At the moment I'm not sure when the strikes started.Henrig (talk) 08:12, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done. Henrig (talk) 12:06, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 12:06, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 12:06, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Rephrased and shortened this sentence. Added a clarification.Henrig (talk) 12:30, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Rephrased the sentence and replaced "cannon" with "gun". (My dictionary is not very helpful.)Henrig (talk) 12:30, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done. It seems the information is the same and there is no danger of confusion with a school teacher. The longer version emphasized the self-study. The shorter version implies it.Henrig (talk) 13:40, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 13:40, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Yes. Rau lived in a suburb of Stuttgart. But "also" is not necessary. Removed. Henrig (talk) 13:40, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 13:40, 3 December 2011 (UTC) "The secretary". Changed this sentence to "Rau became a full-time party functionary and the secretary of the agricultural division" Henrig (talk) 14:45, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 14:45, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 18:24, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced "supposedly" with "might have been". At the moment I don't know such a statement by a historian.Henrig (talk) 18:24, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 18:24, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 18:24, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Changed to "the main internment centre".Henrig (talk) 18:24, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Changed to "an internment centre" (Vernet is well-known, but it was not even the largest camp.) Henrig (talk) 23:14, 9 December 2011 (UTC) Changed to "held".Henrig (talk) 18:24, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 18:24, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Changed to "When the war was over".Henrig (talk) 18:57, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Removed.Henrig (talk) 18:57, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 18:57, 3 December 2011 (UTC) It's also not so clear in the source. Obviously there was a president for Brandenburg and a few vice-presidents. The vice-presidents are mentioned as responsible presidents for .... Replaced this passage with "assumed responsibility for" Henrig (talk) 18:57, 3 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 21:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 21:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 21:19, 8 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced with "Important 1946 events in Brandenburg" Henrig (talk) 21:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 21:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Removed "and notable" (User VM repl. 'especially" with "particularly")Henrig (talk) 21:34, 6 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 21:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 21:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC) They used it for the purpose to redistribute capital. (Perhaps the meaning is not exactly the same like in German for the term "instrumentalisieren".) Apparently not! Replaced with "exploited".Henrig (talk) 20:49, 7 December 2011 (UTC) Removed "highly".Henrig (talk) 21:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced with "disagreement ... triggered the Berlin Blockade."Henrig (talk) 20:22, 2 December 2011 (UTC) I'm not sure. Perhaps a judicial body remained for a while.Henrig (talk) 20:22, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Actually, the DWK was formally abolished five days after the proclamation of the GDR. I've rephrased this passage now. Henrig (talk) 12:52, 10 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 20:22, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 20:22, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced with 'Between 1949 and 1950'Henrig (talk) 20:22, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 20:22, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Expanded this paragraph.Henrig (talk) 20:02, 5 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 20:54, 5 December 2011 (UTC) Rephrased by user Volunteer Marek.Henrig (talk) 18:31, 6 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 19:31, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Comrade. Done.Henrig (talk) 19:31, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 19:31, 2 December 2011 (UTC) DoneHenrig (talk) 19:31, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Not sure at the moment, but "senior leader" seems to be better. Done Henrig (talk) 19:01, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 19:01, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 19:01, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 19:01, 2 December 2011 (UTC) DoneHenrig (talk) 19:01, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 19:01, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 19:01, 2 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 20:23, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 20:23, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 20:23, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 20:23, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Done. Henrig (talk) 19:59, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Done. Henrig (talk) 19:59, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 19:59, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Done. Henrig (talk) 19:59, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Done. Henrig (talk) 19:59, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced with "peripheral states"Henrig (talk) 20:54, 5 December 2011 (UTC) Done. Henrig (talk) 19:59, 1 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced with "fighter squadron"Henrig (talk) 20:18, 5 December 2011 (UTC) Replaced with "secured".Henrig (talk) 21:34, 6 December 2011 (UTC) Done. Henrig (talk) 19:59, 1 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Some work needed; if you can do the below, I'll give it a final ce once over.
 * "the German Revolution of 1918/19." - worth checking that this complies with the MOS ("Year ranges, like all ranges, are normally separated by an en dash, not a hyphen or slash: 2005–06 is a two-year range, whereas 2005/06 is a period of twelve months or less, such as a sports season or a financial year.")
 * " he was a leading agricultural politician " - what's an agricultural politician? (I'm not sure if this is a politician from an agricultural area, or a politician specialising in agricultural issues)
 * "As an ememy of the Nazi regime" - spelling of "enemy"
 * "After his first imprisonmend" - spelling of "imprisonment"
 * "The last two-year station of his imprisonments was" - I'm not familiar with "station" used like this - "location"?
 * "war service in 1917/18" - as per the above
 * " the following German Revolution 1918/19 until autumn 1920" - I'm sure there was a reason for it, but this begged the question of what happened to him in the first half of 1920.
 * "During the following years, which saw the beginning of World War I, Rau's youth group, whose leader he became in 1916, was significantly influenced by the left wing of the Social Democratic Party of Germany (SPD), which considered the war a conflict between "imperialist powers"." This is quite a complex sentence, and might be usefully broken in two.
 * "western front" - should this be capitalised?
 * " While in Ludwigsburg, Rau managed to get vacation at short notice on 8 November 1918 and joined the in those days developing revolution in Stuttgart.[2]" - vacation, or leave?
 * "shortly after a revolutionary crowd had stormed his residence, the Wilhelm Palais and flew a red flag above the building" - "flown", not "flew", given the tense of the sentence.
 * "These happenings were a first cumulation of a civil commotion, that had started a few days earlier, by the end of October 1918, with large strikes and demonstrations" - the sequencing here is unclear - I'd suggest moving the "end of October" bit to the start of the section.
 * " a first Workers' council " - this should either be capitalised on both words, or neither.
 * "and took over a large part of the power in" - could you lose the "the power in"? I think the sentence would still mean the same.
 * "In this quickly established first government, which for the present shared power with the councils, the Spartacist Albert Schreiner, then chairman of a soldier council, initially assumed the key position of Minister of War. " - If you restructured this sentence as "The Spartacist... initially assumed... in this quickly established..." it would probably read easier.
 * "While the Spartacists considered aims similar to those of the last year's October Revolution in Russia as an ideal, parts of the other USPD members and the SPD followers considered such conditions more as a deterrence" - I think I know what this means, but it could be clarified.
 * " by armed rebellion" - "by force"?
 * " During such an attempt, at the beginning of April 1919, the time, when in Munich the Bavarian Soviet Republic was formally proclaimed, a general strike took place in the Stuttgart area and 16 people died in gunfights, in which even cannons were deployed." - again, the sentence sequence doesn't read easily. NB: by cannons, do we mean the genuine, antiquated kind of cannon?
 * "In this time, the party leader in Württemberg was Edwin Hoernle, a former visitor of Rau's youth group in Zuffenhausen and since then Rau's long-standing friend. In former years, Hoernle had also become a kind of influential teacher for Rau. Then he made his voluminous library available to Rau and talked with him about the upcoming questions during Rau's self-study." I was having trouble with this bit. How about "The party leader in Württemberg at this time was Edwin Hoernle. Hoernle had visited Rau's youth group in Zuffenhausen and had become a long standing friend; he was an influential teacher for Rau and made his voluminous library available to Rau to use."?
 * "The most outstanding ideological authority of the movement in Stuttgart, during the time of Rau's political involvement there, was however Clara Zetkin, a founding member of the Second International, about whom Friedrich Engels once had written, that he liked her very much, while emperor Wilhelm II is said to have referred to her as the "worst witch in Germany". Worth breaking the sentence after Clara Zetkin's name.
 * "She had also been living in a Stuttgart suburb" - The "also" implies that someone else had been living in a suburb in Stuttgart - was this the intent?
 * " and since then, been gathering a circle of Württemberg Marxists around her, among them Rau's friend Edwin Hoernle" - you need a paired comma after the "and"; you don't need to give Edwin Hoernle's full name again, as he's just been mentioned.
 * "Rau became a secretary and full-time member of the agricultural division" - just to check, was he "a" secretary, or "the" secretary?
 * "After Hoernle had been elected..." - the "after" is superfluous here, as you can only succeed to someone's post after they've been appointed to it; I'd go for "Hoernle had been elected to the Executive Committee of the Comintern (ECCI) in November 1922 and Rau succeeded him to this position the following year."
 * "via Czechoslovakia and" - needs a comma after Czechoslovakia
 * "he was supposedly at odds" - the footnote is useful here, but it would be good to be clear in the main text if this means that contemporaries thought he was at odds, or if this the opinion of historians.
 * "However, it seems that..." Starting with however changes its meaning slightly. I'd advise "It seems, however, that..."
 * "At the beginning of 1939 Rau crossed the border to Spain again and subsequently led, together with Ludwig Renn, the remainders of the XI Brigade, which, together with other remaining international units – now combined in the "Agrupación Internacional" – fought on Spain's northern border after the fall of Barcelona, protecting the stream of refugees escaping to France." I'd break this in two after Brigade.
 * "sent to Camp Vernet, the internment centre in France" - To check, do you mean "the" internment centre (implies only one existed), or "a" centre?
 * " and sat until March 1943 " - "was held until March"?
 * " the camp rebellion" - first mention of this, so would suggest "a camp rebellion"
 * "When Rau was free again, " - unclear if this was the result of the camp rebellion or the end of the war.
 * "became now chairman of the central administration" - "now" is unnecessary.
 * "Rau was member of the commission for the execution of the land reform in the province." - "a" member
 * "the responsible president for economy and transport in Brandenburg" - this isn't my usual period: president of what?
 * " In this capacity, he was since June 1946 " - "he was, from June 1946 onwards,"
 * "new established sequester commission " - "newly"
 * " 1946 was also the year of the forced merger of eastern KPD and eastern SPD into the Socialist Unity Party of Germany (SED).[35] Thus Rau became a member of the SED." - I'd combined this two sentences.
 * "A remarkable 1946 event in Brandenburg were in November elections, which preceded an official status change from a province to a federal state in the following year." - check the grammar here (event is singular); it's not clear from this why this was remarkable (as opposed to, say, just "important")
 * " which became in this time the centralised administration organisation for the Soviet Occupation Zone " - "became during this period"
 * "An especially notable and momentous event in this time was the currency reform of 1948." - you could easily cut this sentence.
 * "leaving the eastern zone alone with the old common currency." - "eastern zone to use the old common currency"
 * " the DWK under Rau's leadership " - I'd go for "the DWK, under Rau's leadership,"
 * " In doing so, the DWK also instrumentalized the currency reform to redistribute capital by using highly different exchange rates for private and state-run companies" - I'm not sure what "instrumentalized" means here. I'd suggest just "different exchange rate" rather than "highly different"
 * "The following quarrel, which of the two new currencies should be used in Berlin, was the starting of the Berlin Blockade by the USSR and the western airborne supply of West Berlin." - The following quarrel? I'm not quite sure if this means the disagreement you've just mentioned, or a subsequent quarrel that isn't in the article.
 * "The time of Rau's German Economic Commission ended on 7 October 1949..." > "Rau's German Economic Commission was abolished on..." might be better
 * "Thereupon Rau..." > "Rau thereupon..."
 * "in 1950, a full member of the Politburo" - "in 1950 he became a full member of the..."
 * "In 1949–1950" - "Between 1949-1950..."
 * "In a later letter to Pieck of 28 November 1951" - probably needs a comma after 1951.
 * "In 1952–1953, Rau led the newly established Coordination Centre for Industry and Traffic at the East German Council of Ministers." - single sentence paragraph - should really be incorporated into one of the adjacent para's.
 * "In this connection " - you could safely delete this clause
 * " Thereupon the leading SED party ideologist Rudolf Herrnstadt, a candidate member of the Poliburo, drew with support and assistance by Heinrich Rau a concept for such a New Course in East Germany" - the language here needs a little work.
 * "( plus six candidate members )" - spaces on the inside of the brackets should be removed
 * "while Rau's Spanish Civil War fellow" - I think you meant "comrade", not "fellow" (unless you meant to put "Rau's fellow Spanish Civil War veteran")
 * "The very next day after the meeting Ulbricht went by plane to Moscow and the Soviet leadership, who in part also feared, that deposing Ulbricht might be construed as a sign of weakness, secured Ulbricht's position now." Excess comma after "feared"; the "now" should be before "secured".
 * "became now a new candidate member of the Politburo" > "now became..."
 * "'Number One'" - is this a direct translation of the German? If it's English, I'd suggest its too casual, and would advise "the senior leader"
 * " the points of dissension" - could just be "the dissension"
 * "widely avoided an appearance of disharmony with Ulbricht present at this time" - "avoided giving the impression of any disagreement with Ulbricht"
 * " during that time:" - should end in a comma
 * "which combined the responsibilities of three other until then existing ministries" - "which combined the responsibilities of three existing ministries"
 * "who would later, in the early 1960s," - "who would, in the early 1960s,"
 * " This reform in the 1960s partially had already a forerunner reform in the middle of the 1950s and the economic historian Jörg Roesler considers the NES in the 1960s as a continuation of this foregoing reform." > " This later reform was presaged by the reforms in the middle of the 1950s; the economic historian Jörg Roesler considers the NES in the 1960s as a continuation of these reforms."
 * " a scientific study, which was ordered by Rau's ministry in 1953, for the purpose to achieve knowledge about needs for more economic efficiency in the factories" " a scientific study, commissioned by Rau's ministry in 1953, to assess the need for greater economic efficiency in the factories"
 * "promised more economic efficiency" "more" > "greater" or "enhanced"
 * " Unrests in other Eastern Bloc countries during the previous year 1956, in particular in Hungary, had obviously awoken the desire for more central control again." - "obviously" - I'd suggest removing this word.
 * "However the subsequent unsatisfying economic development during the following years eventually led in the 1960s to the concept of a new planning reform, the NES.2 - "however" at the start of a sentence has a different meaning. "The subsequent unsatisfying economic development, however, during..."
 * "'Inter-German Trade' " - double speech marks
 * "both with different political systems." -"both envisaging different political systems"
 * "The West German position was, that the West German government, as the only free elected government," - suggest "The West German position was that they, as the only freely elected government"
 * "'trade missions'" - double speech marks
 * " the in this time actually decision-making body" - "in this period the actual decision-making body"
 * "riparian states" -what's a "riparian state"?
 * "Rau, already health-impaired in his last years," > "Rau, in poor health during his final years,"
 * "a fighter group " - unclear if aircraft, or something else
 * " hermetically protected" - might be worth seeing if there's a better phrase for this
 * "commented this lapse" -"commented on this lapse" Hchc2009 (talk) 07:20, 1 December 2011 (UTC)

(b) it complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.


 * Yes. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:20, 1 December 2011 (UTC)

2. Factually accurate and verifiable:

(a) it provides references to all sources of information in the section(s) dedicated to the attribution of these sources according to the guide to layout;


 * Yes, although I can't spot check the German, so am taking in good faith. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:20, 1 December 2011 (UTC)

(b) it provides in-line citations from reliable sources for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines;

Rephrased this sentence and added a reference.Henrig (talk) 21:36, 4 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 21:36, 4 December 2011 (UTC) Done.Henrig (talk) 21:36, 4 December 2011 (UTC) (c) it contains no original research.
 * "While the Spartacists considered aims similar to those of the last year's October Revolution in Russia as an ideal, parts of the other USPD members and the SPD followers considered such conditions more as a deterrence. They favoured social improvements in a parliamentary democracy and aimed for early elections in Württemberg." - missing a reference
 * "The following quarrel, which of the two new currencies should be used in Berlin, was the starting of the Berlin Blockade by the USSR and the western airborne supply of West Berlin." Missing a reference
 * First paragraph of "Establishment and difficult first years of a new state" lacks references. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:20, 1 December 2011 (UTC)


 * None spotted.Hchc2009 (talk) 07:20, 1 December 2011 (UTC)

Broad in its coverage:

(a) it addresses the main aspects of the topic;


 * Yes.

(b) it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).


 * Yes.

Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without bias.


 * Neutral.Hchc2009 (talk) 07:20, 1 December 2011 (UTC)

Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.


 * Stable. Hchc2009 (talk) 17:39, 25 November 2011 (UTC)

Illustrated, if possible, by images:

(a) images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content;


 * Yes. Hchc2009 (talk) 17:39, 25 November 2011 (UTC)

(b) images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.

Done Henrig (talk) 19:59, 1 December 2011 (UTC)
 * One minor point: "Heinrich Rau (right) with Bruno Leuschner, one of his deputies at the DWK (Picture from 1951)" - why not just ", 1951" like the other captions?


 * Any update this has now been on hold for 32 days Jim Sweeney (talk) 10:17, 28 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Yep, my fault - I meant to finish off the review post the various changes before I went on leave - will conclude later today. Hchc2009 (talk) 11:22, 28 December 2011 (UTC)