Talk:Hellenistic fortifications

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Char flower.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 22:17, 17 January 2022 (UTC)

Peer review
Fist of all, I found your article very interesting. I like that you have a great deal of detail in your paragraphs and the topic titles, I believe, are appropriate. The opening paragraph captures the topic well, it does speak that the fortifications were needed as defense for war. One simple fix is using Page title font for header of the “Hellenistic fortifications” so it does not look like another section. Also "the defense of territory” in the opening paragraph could be reworded. Like, “defending the territory.”  One overall problem I see with the article that can be improved is a lack of citations.  Your resources are good and up to date, but I only see citations at the end of each section, not throughout, especially in areas where sentences are not common knowledge.  Additionally, I feel your text goes from past to present tense throughout the article.  I believe you should stick with past tense, examples like "this was built" or "they were" because the information is based on what Greeks were like and the fortifications were built for past reasons.  Lastly, some sentences tend to be run on and confusing (ex. "Mount Oneion paragraph – the sentence with natural, defensible, and ,I think, "defensible" should be "defendable"). Other than little grammar and spelling errors like "Greek civilizations in historical chronology should be Greek civilizations’" very well done, and good picture choice. Hope this was helpful and good luck Jafleury (talk) 20:58, 4 November 2017 (UTC)Jafleury

Comments from Prof. Paga
Hi Charlotte -- this is a very good start! There are a few things you could do to improve your article: Jpaga (talk) 14:32, 21 November 2017 (UTC)
 * As Jessica says in her peer-review, be careful about tense -- use either past or present, but not both.
 * Include hyperlinks to other Wikipedia pages, like for "Hellenistic period" and "Persian Wars"
 * The sentence in the Historical Chronology section that starts with "Here..." is very confusing.
 * Also as pointed out by Jessica, your citations need to be better integrated, not just at the end of the sections. The two sections on Mt. Oneion and Alinda would also benefit from including a map, if possible.
 * Your place holders for new sections ("towers" "gates" and "walls") are promising! These new sections will be good in terms of giving general overviews of Hellenistic fortifications and should end up being the bulk of your article, then you can edit the two specific examples (Mt. Oneion and Alinda) to reflect these general observations.

Review
Hi Charlotte! Your article is looking great so far! The major thing I see that could be improved is how the citation is done, as Prof. Paga and Jessica have talked about. Also some of your sentences could probably use some re-working. Especially in the Historical Chronology section, the sentances are choppy and don't flow together very well. Keep up the good work! Robert Y. Rob6820 (talk) 22:32, 26 November 2017 (UTC)

Cannons in the Hellenistic Period
The article is in my opinion an interesting read, yet in the section on towers it speaks of cannons? Cannons evidently did not exist in the Hellenistic Mediterranean. If the use of cannons is to illustrate how artillery effects tower designs it should be specified as such, but the wording seems to imply cannons effected the design of towers in the Hellenistic age, which they didn't. Is there perhaps a failed translation of "artillery"? Ziddings (talk) 12:27, 4 May 2024 (UTC)

Low-quality article
This is a poor article at every level. It is full of generalities. It mentions cannon, which are completely anachronistic, and makes you wonder what else is nonsense. It doesn't use some of the most obvious sources, e.g.: Someone should start over. --Macrakis (talk) 21:55, 28 May 2024 (UTC)