Talk:Henry Fownes Luttrell (died 1780)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Rationalobserver (talk · contribs) 22:10, 29 January 2015 (UTC)

Lead

 * (circa 1722 - 30 October 1780)
 * Per WP:MOS: "To indicate approximately, the abbreviation c. (followed by a space and not italicized) is preferred over circa, ca., or approx. The template c. may be used."
 * Done.


 * He was returned again in 1774 alongside his eldest son
 * I would mention his son by name here.
 * Done.


 * the Government's candidate would not interfere in future without his permission
 * There's a missing article here.
 * I assume you mean link to the candidate; I have linked.
 * That's good, but I meant this. These can be hard to spot sometimes when you proofread a paragraph too many times without catching it. Rationalobserver (talk) 23:55, 29 January 2015 (UTC)

Early life and family

 * "the union proved exceptionally happy and her letters to her husband [...] are conceived in the spirit of the sincerest affection."
 * According to MOS:ELLIPSES: "An ellipsis does not normally need square brackets around it", so make certain these are needed here a reason justified by the MoS.
 * Removed.

Country squire

 * Maybe it's just me, but there seems to be too much detail on Margaret Luttrell here, especially the first graph, which doesn't mention the subject of the article. I might be wrong though, so correct me if I am.
 * I see what you mean here, but I think it's quite important background for how and why he consolidated the estates. I have moved some of the details to a footnote, because they were probably unnecessary in the main body of text. Do you think I should now merge the second paragraph with this one?
 * That looks better, but no; don't merge the paragraphs as the subject of each is quite different. Rationalobserver (talk) 16:37, 30 January 2015 (UTC)


 * Frugal spending, however, helped to recover the estate
 * You need a semi-colon preceding however in this construction.
 * Corrected.


 * He seems to have lived as a gentleman of leisure
 * This is kinda vague for an encyclopedia. If the cited author is expressing ambiguity, it might be a good idea to clarify that it's the authors uncertainty, not Wikipedia's.
 * I have changed this sentence to make it more specific - does it look ok?
 * Much better! Rationalobserver (talk) 16:37, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Dunster Castle

 * Luttrell made numerous and "considerable" alterations to Dunster Castle
 * While I appreciate your willingness to identify that word as the author's, it might be better to paraphrase so as to avoid a one-word quote that might not be necessary.
 * Changed to "significant".


 * remodelled the southern part of the castle and altered the Great Staircase in 1773
 * I thought you had been using the Oxford comma, but it's missing from before and altered, so check for internal consistency. Also, I assume remodelled is a BrEng form of remodeled, but I wanted to be sure this isn't a typo.
 * I've added the comma; "remodelled" is the British English form, I have checked.

Member of Parliament

 * The first paragraph in this section is quite long, so break it up into two or more.
 * Hopefully, that's better now.
 * Much better! Rationalobserver (talk) 16:37, 30 January 2015 (UTC)


 * The attempted sale of Minehead is already mentioned in Country squire, so be sure the repetition is necessary.
 * Second instance removed, and the sale price added to the first instance.


 * the Luttrells had "neglected" it[1]
 * Again, unless absolutely necessary, I'd avoid using one-word quotes. There are some exceptions, but I'm not sure this is one.
 * Changed.


 * Fownes Luttrell was serving as High Sheriff of Somerset, which hampered his ability to stand
 * I think I understand what this means, but I wonder if casual readers will be confused by it.
 * How about now?
 * Much better! Rationalobserver (talk) 16:38, 30 January 2015 (UTC)


 * and consolidating his "interest" there
 * I would avoid the one-word quote here if possible.
 * Removed—I don't think the quotes are necessary.


 * accumulating over £1,800 worth of expenses in the process
 * Swap over with more than.
 * Done.


 * Despite resigning, Fownes Luttrell had asserted his influence and control over both seats and in 1780 his son Francis was elected alongside John Fownes Luttrell,
 * I think you need a comma before and in 1780.
 * Done.


 * before sitting again later
 * This is awkward; reword.
 * Done.

Sourcing
The sourcing looks tight; nice job!
 * Thank you!

Conclusion
This is nice piece of writing overall, with few obvious problems. The prose is a little difficult at points, with so many people being named in close proximity, but all in all I think it's well on it's way to GA status.
 * Hopefully I have addressed or at least replied to all of your concerns above. Thank you for taking the time to review this article, —Noswall59 (talk) 23:52, 29 January 2015 (UTC).
 * You're welcome! Thanks for contributing such great content! Rationalobserver (talk) 16:39, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
 * I think the article is well-written, verifiable, neutral, stable, and broad in its coverage. I've passed this GAN. Great job! Rationalobserver (talk) 17:29, 30 January 2015 (UTC)