Talk:Henry Gardner/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Curly Turkey (talk · contribs) 23:41, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

Prose
Feel free to disagree with anything here. Some of it is merely my opinion. I'm not here to try to force a particular style on an article.

Lead

 * people usually think of candidates as representing parties rather than movements. Can this be clarified?
 * The Know Nothings were not a political party in the traditional sense, partly because of their secretive nature. 1854 was also a time when the old political order had been fractured (both the Whigs and Democrats were fractured over slavery).  If this isn't sufficiently clear in the body, I can add some more.  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)
 * My concern was the way it comes off to the average reader—they coud obviously click through to get the answer, but it leaves a one scratching one's head the way it's presented. I personally knew (in general) the history of the Know Nothings, but it still came off strange—you wouldn't expect to see, for example: "Gardner was the candidate of the Tea Party movement". Curly Turkey (gobble) 01:35, 12 November 2013 (UTC)
 * I've rephrased it to avoid the use of "movement" in the lead.  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * if it can be avoided, links shouldn't be placed next to each other, as it's hard to tell that they're separate links. Maybe "dry goods merchant (in|from) Boston"? Changed  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)
 * I think this is one of those rare cases when you'd need an inline cite in the lead. Either that, or drop "opportunistically" (doesn't seem NPOV). Cited  Magic ♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * what did plurality voting replace? Is it something that could unobtrusively be stuck in here? Done  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)
 * maybe "divided over slavery"? You might want to link "slavery" to Slavery in the United States or something. Done  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * I assume "he" was Gardner, and not Frémont?
 * Yes. I didn't want start yet another sentence with "Gardner". I've rephrased to clarify.  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure this belongs in the lead—his death date is already given in the opening. Removed mention of year.  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Early Life

 * any reason we're given his middle name in the lead but only a middle initial in the body? Changed  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)
 * I've been told we're supposed to appreviate things like "1774–1782" to "1774–82", though I personally would rather not.
 * is Phillips Exeter also "in the Boston area"?
 * It's in Exeter, New Hampshire, which even now is not particularly close to Boston (it's more than an hour's drive).  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)

Entry into politics

 * Here you state that it "was viewed ... as ... opportunist", whereas in the lead you state flat-out it was "opportunist"
 * I've added language pointing out that the historians addressing this also see him as opportunist.  Magic ♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * "(a|the) Websterite ..." Fixed  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * this is the first mention of abolitionism; the link in "Slavery" should be moved here Fixed  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * I don't think "angling" is encyclopaedic vocab Changed to "seeking"  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * "newspaperman"? or "journalist"? Changed  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Governor of Massachusetts

 * Surprised there's no article on the election!
 * "omitted" and "avoided" Fixed  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Reforms

 * link to Debtors' prison? Done  Magic ♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * "on their own" is redundant
 * I don't think it's entirely redundant; they may have been able to be listed as property owners in conjunction with their husbands. (I don't know the details, which would probably require a rather different set of sources.)  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * semicolon instead of comma Fixed  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * link to Desegregation? Done  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * what "failed 1853 constitutional convention"?
 * Why, this one, of course. :) I've added some words.  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * redundant Rephrased  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Nativist issues

 * why parentheses? Rephrased  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * check out WP:CLAIM Reworded (also one other place)  Magic ♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * "reported to have made"? Fixed  Magic ♪piano 17:33, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Slavery

 * this appears to be under debate, but I think the rule is still that there should be a comman after the year Fixed  Magic ♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * "served as" Fixed  Magic ♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * I'd move ", in 1855 and 1856," to after "Bills of Address" Fixed  Magic ♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * why parentheses? Removed  Magic ♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Later elections

 * link Free Soil Party Done  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)
 * "Gardner's speech"? Fixed  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)

Later life

 * is this Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company?
 * I don't know if it is or not. There were some fairly similarly-named entities in those days, and in reference to Gardner's association I've only seen it written that way.  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)
 * No cause of death?
 * Not that I've been able to find. Like a lot of non-Whig politicians of the era, he was not the subject of memorials by Whig-dominated (and later Republican) organs like the Massachusetts Historical Society and the New England Historical and Genealogical Society.  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)

Images

 * Images are all Public Domain and properly tagged
 * Probably not required for GA, but the images would best have alt text.
 * images opening a section should be on the right, as per WP:IMAGELOCATION]] Moved  Magic ♪piano 21:16, 13 November 2013 (UTC)
 * why a photo of Washburn when he's not mentioned in the body of the article? The caption's not very helpful, either. Added more stuff on Washburn.  Magic ♪piano 21:27, 11 November 2013 (UTC)