Talk:Herbert Loper/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Anotherclown (talk • contribs) 08:25, 5 October 2011 (UTC)

Progression

 * Version of the article when originally reviewed:
 * Version of the article when review was closed:

Technical review

 * Citations: The Citation Check tool reveals no errors (no action required).
 * Disambiguations: one dab links :
 * Army of Occupation
 * Linkrot: External links all check out (no action required).
 * Alt text: image lacks alt text so you might consider adding it (suggestion only).
 * Copyright violations: The Earwig Tool is currently not working so will AGF (no action required).

Criteria

 * It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS):
 * "He was ranked sixth in the class, in which Alfred Gruenther was fourth, and was commissioned as a second lieutenant." Why is Alfred Gruenther's ranking significant? Also the wording seems a little difficult and you might consider rewording. A suggestion: "He was ranked sixth in the class, and was commissioned as a second lieutenant; Alfred Gruenther was fourth."
 * Mentioning a more famous class member helps the reader place the subject. The only other really famous member of the class was General Anthony Clement "Nuts" McAuliffe (29) Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Not quite sure what you mean here: "Which USAFPOA was merged with..." is this possibly a typo?
 * Typo. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
 * "a retired Army Colonel", not sure about the capitalisation rank here should it "colonel" per Manual_of_Style_(capital_letters)?
 * Typo. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)


 * It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * Sufficient use of WP:RS and citations all follow a consistent style.


 * It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * The lead seems a little short to me, can more be added to summerise the article further per WP:LEAD?
 * Expanded the lead. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:43, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm not an expert on the subject, however the article itself seems to cover all the major aspects of Lopers life and his military service.
 * Minor points:
 * You might consider mentioning in the lead that the Mariana and Palau Islands campaign and the Okinawa campaigns occurred during World War II for additional context. A suggestion for the first sentence would be: "Herbert Bernard Loper (22 October 1896 – 25 August 1989) was a United States Army major general who helped plan the Mariana and Palau Islands campaign and the Okinawa campaign during World War II."
 * Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
 * "He remained at West Point as a student officer until 11 June 1919, when he again graduated"... why did he go back, in the previous paragraph he had just graduated? Was this perhaps some sort of post-graduate study?
 * Added explanation. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
 * "He was awarded a second Legion of Merit on 11 September 1948." Do we know what for?
 * The Occupation of Japan. Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:42, 5 October 2011 (UTC)


 * It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * a (fair representation): b (all significant views):
 * No issues that I can see.


 * It is stable.
 * No edit wars etc.:
 * No issues here.


 * It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.
 * a (tagged and captioned): b (Is illustrated with appropriate images):  c (non-free images have fair use rationales):  d public domain pictures appropriately demonstrate why they are public domain':
 * Image used is in the PD and seems appropriate for the article.


 * Overall:
 * a Pass/Fail:
 * Overall this article is quite good. Just a couple of prose and MoS points and the issues with the lead to be resolved before it can be promoted though. Happy to discuss of course. Anotherclown (talk) 09:05, 5 October 2011 (UTC)
 * All points have been resolved and the lead has been expanded nicely, so I'm passing the review now. Thanks very much for your prompt replies. Anotherclown (talk) 12:06, 6 October 2011 (UTC)