Talk:Hermann Fegelein/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Wilhelmina Will (talk · contribs) 07:48, 7 January 2012 (UTC)

:
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).

:
 * (a) ; Very well cited. Wilhelmina Will (talk) 08:05, 8 January 2012 (UTC)
 * (b) ; and
 * (c).

: Looks good, in this respect. Wilhelmina Will (talk) 09:28, 13 January 2012 (UTC)
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).

. . The article has been edited multiple times daily since December 30th, but shows no signs of any editing disputes taking place. Wilhelmina Will (talk) 07:59, 7 January 2012 (UTC) : The sole image in this article, at present, is properly licensed and appropriately captioned. Wilhelmina Will (talk) 07:57, 7 January 2012 (UTC)
 * (a) ; and
 * (b).

Comments:
 * "...his boyish face and subservient attitude gained him considerable favour with Himmler, who granted him the best assignments—mostly related to horses—and rapid promotion through the ranks." I may be nitpicking without realizing it, but "his boyish face" and "who granted him the best assignments" seem just a smidge unencylopedic. Again, I'm not sure if these wordings pass a neutrality inspection or not. Also, shouldn't "assignments-mostly related to horses-and rapid..." be spaced more as "assignments - mostly related to horses - and rapid..."? Wilhelmina Will (talk) 08:09, 7 January 2012 (UTC)
 * I think both are valid options according to the Manual of Style: endashes with spaces, or emdashes without spaces. WP:DASH. Please read this over if you have a minute, and confirm I am interpreting it correctly. I will re-word the bit about the boyish looks. --Dianna (talk) 18:01, 7 January 2012 (UTC)
 * The thing about Fegelein that should not be missed is that he was a rank opportunist and had a subservient attitude towards Himmler. That needs to be conveyed someway and the cites I had for that part cover it. Kierzek (talk) 23:51, 7 January 2012 (UTC)
 * I have tied this in to the stuff I suggested adding where he has received some scathing criticism from historians. Please let me know if these edits are acceptable. --Dianna (talk) 05:50, 8 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Yep, I think that's alright! Wilhelmina Will (talk) 07:55, 8 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Course, here's more of the same. "Fegelein enjoyed showing around the photographs of the hanged men who had been executed as a result of this failed assassination attempt." Is "enjoyed" the most encyclopedic word that can be used here? I can't put my finger on it (or else I'd change it myself), but I think encyclopedic descriptions use another word. Wilhelmina Will (talk) 08:08, 8 January 2012 (UTC)
 * The source says "It is an authenticated fact, however, that one man was delighted by [the photos]: ... Fegelein." The footnote from Mit Hitler im Bunker states that Fegelein "generously" showed around "the photos of the hangings". I will put in that he often showed them around, though the source makes it clear that he enjoyed doing so. --Dianna (talk)


 * "This initially led Hitler to consider releasing him without punishment or assigning him to Mohnke's troops." I found this sentence a little confusing. Did Hitler consider releasing him without either punishing him or assigning him to Mohnke's troops, or did he consider either releasing him without punishment or assigning him to the troops? Should a comma be added after "punishment"? Wilhelmina Will (talk) 08:16, 8 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Hitler considered both-either releasing him without punishment or assigning him to Mohnke's Waffen-SS troops. Kierzek (talk) 13:38, 8 January 2012 (UTC)
 * I will re-word the sentence for clarity. --Dianna (talk)


 * A note about the commas: In the British day-month-year system of dates, no commas are needed after the year. Please see Chicago, section 6.45, page 322 of the 16th edition. -- Dianna (talk) 18:29, 8 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Ah, understood. Sorry it took me a while to get back to this; I haven't had much time in the last few days to get this far down in my list of routines. Wilhelmina Will (talk) 09:24, 13 January 2012 (UTC)

Checking over this article one more time, I believe everything's in the clear. All set to GA! Wilhelmina Will (talk) 09:37, 13 January 2012 (UTC)