Talk:Hilaria Baldwin/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Haleth (talk · contribs) 15:12, 29 July 2021 (UTC)

I'm starting a review for this article as part of the GAN Backlog Drive. Will be back with comments. Haleth (talk) 15:12, 29 July 2021 (UTC)

Lede

 * There is barely any mention of the fact that her marriage to Alec Baldwin has enhanced or increased her career opportunities and public prominence, which is reflected in the prose. Certainly, the impression I get from the prose is that the media took an interest in her exercise DVD and wellness-focused book because of her association with her husband.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:52, 30 July 2021 (UTC)

Early life

 * This should come after the sentence about her brother in the first paragraph instead of being in the second paragraph which discuss her ancestry and grandparents, since that paragraph deals with her immediate family.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:21, 30 July 2021 (UTC)

Career

 * Add practicing before yoga.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:22, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * It has been several years after the lawsuit was commenced in the Manhattan Supreme Court. Are there any sources which detail the outcome of the lawsuit? Any legal-centric sources which discuss the judgment, if any, which determined the outcome?
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:50, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Is there a source which could support this statement as an inline citation?
 * I've searched for a source to state she ended in 2019 but cannot find one. I can source her appearances through 2019, but nothing stating it ended then (if that makes sense). --Kbabej (talk) 15:26, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * It is preferable if you could paraphrase the review snippet by US Weekly instead of going for a direct quote.
 * ✅ Shortened. --Kbabej (talk) 15:31, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Same with Vanity Fair and AM New York Metro. They are uncontroversial elements or commentary about The Living Clearly Method. Try to reduce the reliance on direct quotes if you could write a summary instead.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:29, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * The bit about her website should be placed after the introductory sentence which talks about her book aand its release date.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:24, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * The bit about her claiming to be vegetarian since age five should have been part of either the "early life" or "personal life" section of the article. On the other hand, you could say that she is invited to speak on the United Nations panel as a "wellness expert".
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:39, 30 July 2021 (UTC)

Personal life

 * The direct quote from Hilaria about her appearance at 20 is overly detailed. GA Criteria #3 indicates that it should stay focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (summary style). It should simply be summarized, with a brief explanation on how the feeling of being miserable and desperate to feel better motivated her future career as a health practitioner.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:19, 30 July 2021 (UTC)

Accusations of cultural appropriation

 * I think the tone of the headline could use an adjustment to sound more neutral. Either "Allegations of cultural appropriation" or a generic "Controversy" would do. If you could find more sources about the lawsuit, "Controversies" is definitely the way to go and I'd move information about it down to this section from "Career".
 * ✅ Headline updated. I'll look for some more sources regarding the lawsuit as well. --Kbabej (talk) 15:16, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Should be she was heard speaking American accented English.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:16, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * The cited inline source clearly attributed another source for discovering her birthplace info as marked on her agency's website. Proper attribution is in order.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:16, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * The entire section about her April 2020 podcast seems unnecessary and duplicates the points made in the early life section of this article and a further paragraph in the same section. Remove it entirely. The information about her moving to New York to go to NYU at the age of 19 can be used for the third paragraph of "Early Life" with the appropriate inline citation.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:16, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Unnecessary duplication of a fact already explained in Early Life.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:16, 30 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Doesn't belong under this section. The source can be used, but perhaps repurposed for a sentence under Personal Life. Just say something about Hilaria considering herself a private person and that she has indicated a reluctance to answer certain questions to "safeguard her family's privacy".''
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 15:16, 30 July 2021 (UTC)

Comments

 * I have left my comments. Looking forward to your response.
 * I've updated the changes I've made and replied to your comments when I couldn't make the suggested changes. Thank you for your work on this! --15:54, 30 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Just to follow up on your revisions:
 * Could you leave an in-line citation which, at the minimum, verify that she made at least one appearance in 2019 for Extra?
 * ✅ I was accidentally conflating her appearances on Extra as being a correspondent for Extra. She was only a correspondent for two years, and I added a source for that. --Kbabej (talk) 03:23, 31 July 2021 (UTC)
 * I don't approve of the Grunt Stuff article which you used to cite the lawsuit, because it is quite clear to me that the author, Tina Sinders, have more or less lifted an article from Page Six, a New York Post subsidiary, which came out more then a month prior with only minor adjustments to its prose. I suggest Dlisted which more or less covered similar points, since New York Post has been specifically marked as generally unreliable to be cited directly. Please remove and replace the source.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 02:53, 31 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Speaking of Page Six, I just noticed that it is used to cite her schooling years. Could you replace Page Six with this source instead, which supports the same point.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 02:49, 31 July 2021 (UTC)
 * I found a news bit about Hilaria Baldwin which came out about 3 weeks ago, where she has provided further commentary in the aftermath of the cultural appropriation controversy. I think it is useful as an update to the controversy section.
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 03:00, 31 July 2021 (UTC)
 * This recent source from Boston Herald is about Alec Baldwin's response to the controversy surrounding his wife. It also contains an update about her podcast following the controversy. You may find it relevant. Haleth (talk) 00:41, 31 July 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ --Kbabej (talk) 03:16, 31 July 2021 (UTC)


 * All good points; they've all been incorporated. --Kbabej (talk) 03:25, 31 July 2021 (UTC)
 * , just one last quibble. Adam Baldwin's comments about cancel culture was in May. Hilaria's most recent take on the controversy, as reported by HuffPost and other outlets, came out nearly two months later. You wrote it as if his comments came afterwards. Also, I suggest combining paragraph 3 and 5 into a single paragraph as both are essentially a summary of the direct response from Hilaria and her husband towards the controversy. Haleth (talk)
 * ✅ Thank you for all your work on this! I appreciate it. --Kbabej (talk) 17:14, 31 July 2021 (UTC)
 * You're welcome. I've addressed a few minor elements like formatting and a point of grammar. I am satisfied with the cumulative changes thus far, and I happily pass this article. Haleth (talk) 17:33, 31 July 2021 (UTC)