Talk:Hindal Mirza/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Johanna (talk · contribs) 03:41, 25 October 2015 (UTC)

I should be able to review this tomorrow. Johanna (formerly BenLinus1214)talk to me!see my work 03:41, 25 October 2015 (UTC)

Comments
 * Let's talk about the title. The name you give and the rest of the article give nothing to say that he is Hindal Mirza (unless I'm missing something). Why not name the article Abu Nasir Muhammad Hindal?
 * "The young prince subsequently proved himself to be an ever successful, courageous and fearless general." Non-neutral--it is pro-Hindal in a non-encyclopedic manner.
 * "ever rebellious half-brother" informal
 * "eventually pledge allegiance" grammatical error—should be "eventually pledged allegiance"
 * "fighting valorously" non-neutral again
 * "Hindal's death bears testimony to the young prince's courage and pluck." Extremely non-neutral and unencyclopedic. Even if it says something like this in the source, it is not fit for an encyclopedia.

Unfortunately, I will semi-quick fail this for now. There are just too many problems for this to reasonably pass GA within the time period because it really needs to be copyedited. I understand that you are not a native English speaker, but there are many instances where the prose is questionable at best, mostly due to formality issues, a few grammatical errors, and a general unencyclopedic tone. Secondly, you frequently used non-neutral language (unintentionally, I'm sure) by referring to them as "evil" counselors, a "disgraceful" crime, or by promoting people with phrases such as "With great presence of mind…". Finally, I have a couple OR/sourcing concerns, such as "Hindal must've been devoted to his wife for he apparently never contracted any other marriage after marrying Sultanam." His devotion is unsourced speculation and not fit for inclusion. There are also several other ends of paragraphs that are unsourced. If you choose to, good luck continuing to work on the article. As a first step, I would put a request at the Guild of Copyeditors. It may take a month or so, but it'll be worth it if you want to get this article up to GA. Johannatalk to me!see my work 03:51, 13 December 2015 (UTC)