Talk:Hodj 'n' Podj/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Rapunzel-bellflower (talk · contribs) 20:36, 23 August 2017 (UTC)


 * Thank you for the review! I've taken steps to address all of your concerns, including the use of "abnormal" (changed to "unexpected"). Let me know how it looks. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 01:09, 24 August 2017 (UTC)


 * Hi! No problem! I'm always happy to see articles about retro games. It looks much better now, thank you. I'm still concerned about the similar wording--I think I should have been a little more specific. The fragment of the current revision I am most concerned with is this (" Meretzky co-founded Boffo Games with his friends Michael Dornbrook and Leo DaCosta"), which to my eyes, is still too close to the order of "Meretzky founded Boffo Games with Leo DaCosta and Mike Dornbrook". I think you've taken some good steps to start making the sentence your own, but this is still too similar to me. Rapunzel-bellflower (talk) 16:19, 24 August 2017 (UTC)
 * Thanks! It's tricky, since there are only so many ways to phrase that coherently in a single sentence. I've taken the nuclear option and removed DaCosta's and Dornbrook's names entirely, since they were never mentioned in the rest of the article anyway. How does that look? JimmyBlackwing (talk) 20:05, 24 August 2017 (UTC)
 * It's definitely tricky. I actually think it's one of the hardest parts of editing, tbh. I suppose you could also go something along the lines of "Meretzky and two friends [name names or don't] established Boffo Games in 1994". Or something like that. No pressure. The names aren't the problem. It's that both versions are too similar in structure and choice of verb. I know this seems incredibly nitpicky. Rapunzel-bellflower (talk) 00:22, 25 August 2017 (UTC)
 * I considered that structure myself, but it creates another problem: the grammar suggests that Meretzky and his friends contracted for Legend Entertainment, which the source doesn't say. Otherwise, it would be perfect! Anyway, I took another stab at it—hopefully that solves the problem. Let me know how it looks. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 02:40, 25 August 2017 (UTC)
 * Ah! XD Oh, well. It looks much better now. Thank you for all your hard work. I'll pass this now. Keep up the wonderful work! Rapunzel-bellflower (talk) 16:03, 25 August 2017 (UTC)
 * Thank you! I really appreciate the review. JimmyBlackwing (talk) 20:33, 25 August 2017 (UTC)