Talk:Homeless (Darin song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Hahc21 (talk · contribs) 00:00, 15 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Well. Since the user is semi-retired, i'll be handling the review alone. Any help will be gladly received.

First comments

 * Lead paragraph too large; I split it into two.
 * Moved sample to thcomposition section.
 * Deleted redundance "3:50 (3 minutes, 50 seconds)" >> "three minutes and 50 seconds."
 * "The song was composed in the key B minor using common time" >> "The song was composed on common time in the key..."

Prose comments

 * Cover
 * I think that this is a cover from Leona, this song was written by Jörgen Elofsson, but for Darin Zanyar, a swedish singer, in 2006 for his album "Breaking the news".
 * I suggest you include Darin as an original performer — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ha kam ash (talk • contribs) 22:33, 28 June 2013 (UTC)


 * Composition
 * "to come home to where she is waiting for him, but feels homeless without him."
 * Some redundant use of "him". May recommend change the second "him" with "his presence"
 * ✅ Aaron  &bull; You Da   One


 * "The opening lyrics are "Wait here for you to call me/ For you to tell me that ev'rything's a big mistake."
 * Propose a change to "The song opens with Lewis singing..."; and, however, this sentence seems to be an orphan, not connected woth the rest of the paragraph. Which is the importance of it?
 * It's the composition section, I'm just saying what the opening lyric is. Nothing wrong with that. Aaron  &bull; You Da   One


 * Reception
 * "Nick Levine for Digital Spy described Lewis's vocals in the lyric "In this cold I'm walking aimless, feeling helpless" as "a tour de force of despair and misery"
 * Some bad wording.
 * Lewis's >> Lewis'.
 * ✅ Aaron  &bull; You Da   One


 * "Although he thought that the song was "almost unbearably bleak","
 * Redundant use of –though/t?
 * It's a comparison, so it's needed. Aaron  &bull; You Da   One


 * The critical section is lacking some order. The sentences seemed to be separate statements rather than a whole paragraph. It needs cohesiveness between the sentences.
 * Tracklisting
 * Why it has two versions on the TL? They're musically different? Or just on different albums?
 * Musically different, apparently. Aaron  &bull; You Da   One


 * Charts
 * "debuted at number 173 on the strength of digital download sales..."
 * "on the strength"?
 * Yep. Aaron  &bull; You Da   One

That's all for now. — Hahc21 [ TALK ] [ CONTRIBS  ] 01:18, 15 June 2012 (UTC)

Verdict
Ok, nothing else to note.

— Hahc21 [ TALK ] [ CONTRIBS  ] 20:00, 15 June 2012 (UTC)