Talk:Hooligans in Wondaland Tour/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 21:47, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

First review of a concert article by me ever, hoping this goes well --K. Peake 21:47, 27 October 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead
❌ See below the reason. Moreover it would clutter the sentence. ❌ I won't do that as they didn't perform in any place that is worth mentioning, they performed in mostly balrooms in NA and some festivals that are not well known at all. Nothing strikes out of the table below.
 * Infobox looks good
 * The opening sentence should mention that the tour was across North America; I will suggest further fixes for the current North America sentence later on
 * "American singer-songwriter Bruno Mars and Janelle Monáe, respectively, to" → "American singer-songwriters Bruno Mars and Janelle Monáe to"
 * Remove wikilink on studio album
 * "in February 2011, coinciding with" → "in February 2011; the announcement coincided with"
 * Wikilink YouTube
 * "a dedicated website that was" → "a dedicated website, which was"
 * Instead of writing North America in the following sentence, instead mention some of the places that they took place at
 * It is fine that you did not make any of the North America changes I requested. --K. Peake 20:15, 28 October 2020 (UTC)

the suggestion is not exactly the same.
 * "May and June that year." → "May and June of that year."
 * Remove wikilink on Doo-Wops & Hooligans
 * "one song from" → "one song from her debut EP"
 * "received a positive reception from" → "received positive reviews from"
 * "performances, and said they," → "performances. A few critics said they,"
 * The quote doesn't go well in the lead; maybe change to something like "successfully promoted pop music"?
 * "was judged by NME to be among" → "was named by [NME]] as one of"
 * the rest was ✅. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:50, 28 October 2020 (UTC)

Background and development
❌ doesn't change the meaning of the sentence.
 * "titled "Hooligans in Wondaland" was" → "entitled Hooligans in Wondaland was"
 * "in May and June 2011." → "throughout May and June of 2011."
 * "were available as bundles with a meet-and-greet" → "were sold as bundles that included a meet-and-greet"
 * "a digital EP and a" → "a digital EP, and a"
 * "On February 26, tickets" → "On February 26, 2011, tickets"
 * Remove the word official since it is not needed and wikilink YouTube
 * "was named "Hooligans in Wondaland Tour"," → "was named the Hooligans in Wondaland Tour,"
 * Why is the tour in speech marks? --K. Peake 11:11, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Ok, I got it, I just tought you wanted to add "the", didn't noticed the quotations marks. I fixed it. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 11:56, 29 October 2020 (UTC)

✅
 * "Mars' album Doo-Wops & Hooligans," → "Mars' debut studio album Doo-Wops & Hooligans (2010)," with the wikilink
 * "on her album The ArchAndroid." → "on her debut studio album The ArchAndroid (2010)." with the wikilink
 * Wikilink Apollo Theater
 * "of the tour, Mars" → "of the Hooligans in Wondaland Tour, Mars"

Sound
✅
 * "engineer controlled several" → "engineer, controlled several"
 * Target R-Verb to Reverberation
 * "and compression of guitar's" → "and compression of the guitar's" with the target
 * "was mixed with Mars' voice" → "with mixed with his voice"
 * "said the setup was" → "said her setup was"
 * Target pitch to Pitch (music)

Concert synopsis
✅ with some varitions so please take a closer look
 * "13-piece orchestra, ArchOrchestra." → "13-piece orchestra, which is ArchOrchestra."
 * "covering it; and her hair" → "covering it, while her hair"
 * [15][14][16] should be put in numerical order
 * "his band The Hooligans." → "his band the Hooligans." per MOS:THEMUSIC
 * [A] should come before [12][17]
 * "During the tour," → "During the Hooligans in Wondaland Tour,"
 * [18][15][13] put in numerical order
 * "lights, flashing graphic colors" → "lights, and flashing graphic colors"
 * [18][15][12] put in numerical order

Monáe

 * [13][14][12] put in numerical order, but why are they all here and not even one at the end of the sentence?
 * Because the rest of the sentence is not on those sources but on the following one.


 * "and the dancers wore" → "and the dancers instead wore"
 * "James Bond-meets-Fantasia" is the actual quote from the article and shouldn't James Bond be italicised? Also, maybe find a target for Fantasia?
 * Target gospel to Gospel music
 * [14][12] put in numerical order
 * "Then, she put on" → "Afterwards, she put on"
 * "and a cover of" → "as well as a cover of"
 * Add release year of "I Want You Back" in brackets
 * ❌ I'm not putting the year of release of their songs (Mars or Monáe's) wether is 2010/2011 in between brackets, why should I put the covers? The FA for U2 tour, doesn't have the dates and Lou Reed's "Satellite of Love".
 * You needn't do that at all and same for the Mars sub-section, these should be fine. --K. Peake 15:03, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * [13][20][16] put in numerical order
 * Add release year of "Smile" in brackets
 * ❌Same as previous.


 * [15] should not be here since it should solely be at the end of the sentence
 * ❌ I understand what you mean, but the other references are different, so I won't change.


 * "performance of" → "performance of her 2010 singles" with the target
 * ❌ Why the target on singles? I removed the target of albums...that is not consistant.


 * [15][16][12] put in numerical order
 * "of "Cold War" images of" → "of "Cold War", images of"
 * "and weaving"," → "and weaving", and"
 * I don't understand this change?
 * The connective is required to show the two different types of images were displayed. --K. Peake 15:03, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:59, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * Target rock to Rock music
 * Add release year of "Come Alive (The War of the Roses)"
 * ❌ It goes with the previous

Left some questions, everything else was ✅
 * [15][12][19] put in numerical order
 * "During the latter performance," → "While Monáe performed "Tightrope","
 * Wikilink strobe lights
 * Wikilink crescendo

Mars
All ✅. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:10, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Target theme to Theme music
 * Add release year of "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" in brackets ❌
 * Add release year of "Money (That's What I Want)" in brackets ❌
 * "the reggae influences on" → "the reggae influences of" with the wikilink
 * Mention "Billionare" being a collaboration between Travis McCoy and Mars, as well as the release year
 * [15][13][14] put in numerical order
 * Wikilink jazz
 * [15][14][21] put in numerical order
 * "During the former performance, he sung the vereses" → "During the performance of "Billionaire", he sung the verses"
 * "of Aliyah's "Are You That Somebody."" → "of Aliyah's "Are You That Somebody?" (1998)." ❌
 * "It was followed by the uptempo" → "The song was followed by the uptempo" with the wikilink per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * Target rock 'n' roll to Rock and roll
 * [15][13] put in numerical order
 * "the romantic, The Beach Boys-influenced anthem" → "the romantic, the Beach Boys-influenced anthem" per MOS:THEMUSIC
 * [15] should be solely at the end of the sentence.
 * "It also included" → "The performance also included"
 * Wikilink ukulele
 * [18][14] put in numerical order
 * Target chorus to Refrain
 * Mention "Nothin' on You" being a collaboration between B.o.B and Mars and add the release year in brackets
 * Add release year of "Have You Seen Her" in brackets ❌
 * Lowercase the at the start of the group's name per MOS:THEMUSIC
 * Add release year of "Just Like Heaven" in brackets
 * [18][14][22] put in numerical order
 * "In some concerts," → "For some concerts,"

Critical response

 * Retitle to Reception since there is a para with one ranking
 * "received mostly positive reviews" → "were met with mostly positive reviews"
 * "Chris Gray writing for Houston Press praised" → "Chris Gray, writing for the Houston Press, praised"
 * Wikilink Easter Bunny
 * "Jordan Levin from Miami Herald complimented" → "Jordan Levin from the Miami Herald complimented"
 * "stage together"." → "stage together."" since it is a full quote
 * I did it but what do you mean with this? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:45, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * The part quoted is a full sentence, so needs the grammar inside. --K. Peake 11:11, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "vivacity and soul"." → "vivacity and soul.""
 * "Shawn White writing for Westword said the tour" → "Shawn White, for Westword said the Hooligans in Wondaland Tour"
 * "say they are"." → "say they are.""
 * "Reed Fischer writing for New Times Broward-Palm Beach" → "Reed Fischer, for New Times Broward-Palm Beach,"
 * "The Hollywood Reporter s Lauren Schutte" → "The Hollywood Reporters Lauren Schutte"
 * "of the ticket" → "of the tickets"
 * ❌ You don't need to buy several tickets, one per person. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:45, 29 October 2020 (UTC)

It reads like the show was performed in 2013, henceforth "as of 2013". MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:45, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * "25 best co-headlined shows, ranking" → "25 best co-headlined shows in 2013, on which she ranked"
 * Everything else ✅

Set list

 * Bruno Mars Janelle Monáe's → Bruno Mars' and Janelle Monáe's
 * ❌ "If two or more nouns share ownership, indicate the possession only once, and on the final noun in the group" MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 01:18, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * The songs should have wikilinks and targets
 * ❌ WP: Overlink, its already otwo sections above, only songs or bands (due to the covers) I didn't mentioned previously.

✅
 * (Jackson 5 cover) → (The Jackson 5 cover)
 * "Say You'll Go", on → "Say You'll Go" on
 * "Wondaland", on → "Wondaland" on
 * by The Schoolboys, on → by the Schoolboys on
 * of The Cleftones's "You Belong to Me", on → of the Cleftones' "You Belong to Me" on

Shows
✅
 * North America → North American concerts
 * [11][3] put in numerical order
 * Target Verizon Theatre at Grand Prairie to The Theatre at Grand Prairie
 * For no opening acts, put N/A

Box office score data
The title usually is. At least is how I have it on my other GA's. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 22:24, 28 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Do the attendance and revenue need to be in bold?
 * I meant the total figures at the bottom, do they need to be? --K. Peake 11:11, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * I have always seen them like that in other GA's. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 11:53, 29 October 2020 (UTC)

Personnel
✅
 * Credits adapted from several sources: → Credits adapted from several sources.
 * Wikilink AEG

Final comments and verdict

 * after completing my first review of a tour article ever!!! --K. Peake 20:15, 28 October 2020 (UTC)
 * I have made some responses to you above. --K. Peake 11:11, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * I left a couple of questions on Monáe's section I would like you to answer before I move into Mars' section as some of the same issues happen. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:18, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * The response(s) will probably help with any issues in the later sub-section. --K. Peake 15:03, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Everything has been addressed. I also added a new review, Variety source. Cheers. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:17, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Why didn't you change that sentence to beginning with "For some concerts," like I requested? --K. Peake 19:44, 29 October 2020 (UTC)
 * I fixed it.
 * ✅ now, good job and thank you for remaining civil as always; you are a pleasure to work with! --K. Peake 07:19, 30 October 2020 (UTC)