Talk:Hunt the Wumpus/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: CelestialWeevil (talk · contribs) 18:49, 14 January 2019 (UTC)

I saw this title and thought it was the cutest thing, and then I saw it was a text-based thing and I got even more excited. I'll do this ASAP. CelestialWeevil (talk) 18:49, 14 January 2019 (UTC)


 * Infobox and lead


 * As per Template:Infobox_video_game, I think "Adventure game" in genres should be shortened to "Adventure"


 * ...the player moves through a series of connected caves, arranged in a dodecahedron, hunting a monster named the Wumpus. – There is some ambiguity in this language. I think it is clearer as "...the player moves through a series of connected caves, arranged in a dodecahedron, as they hunt a monster named the Wumpus"


 * The turn-based game has the player trying to avoid fatal bottomless pits and "super bats" that will move them around the cave system, in order to fire... – I think "that will move them around the cave system" damages readibility; "in order to fire" is too far removed from "the player". But if you feel this is a necessary detail, you could divide it with a semicolon after "cave system" and change "in order to fire" to "the goal is to fire"


 * Please wikilink source code


 * ...1975, and republished... – This is an unnecessary comma since the second part isn't an independent clause. This also applies in the very next sentence (the first sentence of the second lead paragraph)


 * Done all of the above section. -- Pres N  06:04, 18 January 2019 (UTC)


 * Gameplay


 * ...and in each turn begins with... – remove "in"


 * Maybe it would be useful to explain what "crooked arrows" are, or why they're crooked. I see that it is explained later in the development section, but this makes reading it a little confusing.


 * If the Wumpus moves to the player's location, then they lose – I would remove "then" here; it's unnecessary and has been said several times already


 * I'm a little troubled by just two citations, one per each paragraph. But this might just because I have a tendency to overcite things. Because you're a more experienced editor than me, I'll leave it up to your judgment.


 * Done all of the above section. We can get away with 1 cite per paragraph here because not only is the entire paragraph cited to that 1 source (making it technically correct to just put 1 at the end of the paragraph), but unlike the sources we use on articles on modern games, the citation is to a complete description of the game alongside the (sort of) human-readable source code. -- Pres N  06:04, 18 January 2019 (UTC)


 * Development


 * where the player moved through points connected through some other type of topology – There are some inconsistent tenses throughout. Here, I think 'moved' should be 'moves' as per WP:PLOTPRESENT.


 * Is it "superbats" or "super bats"? This article has both.


 * ...making it in his opinion a hit game – I think "making it, in his opinion, a hit" is smoother


 * In the second paragraph, Creative Computing is refered to as "its" (...in its October 1975 issue...) and the PCC as "their" (...in their book...). Because they're both collectives, I think either singular or plural should be adhered to. And since Yob is American, I would go with singular.


 * Please wikilink the first instance of source code


 * My attention is again drawn to the sparseness of citations in the first paragrpah. Three paragraphs in a row from one source is a little unnerving.


 * This section done; did not convert to present tense as this is not a plot section but presented from the perspective of the developer prior to any players playing, so it's all "would move", etc. (though 'moved' was wrong either way). I knew the cites are odd, but again, it's a multi-page source where the sole developer of the game walks through his development process/timeline, the entire game is described, and the source code of the game is given. If you really hate it I can pull in some of the other cites that themselves reference that cite[1] here, but it would be cosmetic. -- Pres N  03:52, 20 January 2019 (UTC)


 * Legacy


 * ...newsletter issue as they discussed... – This sentence has several more plural collectives


 * Please wikilink torus


 * Hunt the Wumpus has been cited as an early example of a survival horror game; the book Vampires and Zombies claims that Hunt the Wumpus was an early example of the genre, while the paper "Restless dreams in Silent Hill" states that "from a historical perspective the genre's roots lie in Hunt the Wumpus" – Three instances of the complete title in one sentence. I would remove the second instance and replace it with "it"


 * ...as the player hunts rather than is hunted by the Wumpus and nothing in the game... – Comma before "and", please, as they're independent clauses.


 * This section done; I think I've gotten so used to using 'they/their' as a singular gender-neutral pronoun that it's bled over into non-person'd collectives, where it's clearly wrong. -- Pres N  03:52, 20 January 2019 (UTC)


 * References


 * Reference 16's tile is in sentence case, where most of the others are in title case. As per Help:Citation Style 1, please use either title or sentence case consistently.


 * Please turn "ALL-TIME" to "All-Time" in reference 18 as per MOS:ALLCAPS


 * Please uncapitalize "the" in reference 21


 * This section done. On one hand, ref16's title is actually sentence case, and that's standard for that journal/area (re: your cite help link). On the other hand, it's really annoying to read, so I changed it anyway. Did not uncapitalize 'the'; the actual title of the novella is "The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow", so "The" should be capitalized as it's referencing the title of the work, not used as an article. -- Pres N  03:56, 20 January 2019 (UTC)


 * External links


 * Looks good


 * End comments


 * Neat article! It's mostly good, but I'm going to put this on hold until some of the things above are address. Great job! CelestialWeevil (talk) 15:01, 15 January 2019 (UTC)
 * Completed or responded to all points; sorry for the delay. Thanks for reviewing! -- Pres N  03:58, 20 January 2019 (UTC)


 * Great job as per usual, and I always like to learn new things myself on these reviews. It passes! CelestialWeevil (talk) 04:28, 20 January 2019 (UTC)