Talk:Hurricane Elena/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 18:10, 17 April 2013 (UTC)

I guess I'll be reviewing this beast. As a general rule of thumbs, the sentences could probably be tightened, which would be my primary suggestion before an inevitable FAC.


 * Lede
 * "wrought havoc to property and environment" - should that be "the environment"? I don't often see "wrought havoc to environment"
 * "Elena developed on August 28 near Cuba, and after traveling lengthwise across the island with no known effects" - you never mention anything about Cuba impact or not. Have you tried a Spanish search? --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 18:10, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
 * This is still bordering original research, as the article mentions nothing about any Cuban effects. You can't say "no major effects" without backing it up. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 00:05, 18 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Meteorological history
 * "The origins of Hurricane Elena can be traced to an easterly tropical wave which was first identified off the western coast of Africa on August 23" - I think it should be "that" instead, since it's a non-restricted clause.
 * "In response, the National Hurricane Center upgraded the depression to Tropical Storm Elena midday on August 28, while it was still situated over northern Cuba" - careful with pronoun agreement. Since the subject of the first clause is the NHC, that's the antecedent for the subsequent "it". It would say "...to Tropical Storm Elena over northern Cuba midday on August 28." That also helps cut down on the wording a bit.
 * "striking the New Orleans, Louisiana, and Biloxi, Mississippi, area within 30 hours" - given how late "area" is in the sentence (which makes "the New Orleans" seem weird), why not say "striking between New Orleans, Louisiana and Biloxi, Mississippi within 30 hours"?
 * "Roughly 24 hours later after attaining hurricane intensity" - remove later. In fact...
 * "Unexpectedly, a mid-to-upper-level trough of low pressure diving in from the northwest created a weakness in the easterly currents, allowing Elena to recurve and slow drastically in forward speed.[1][4] Roughly 24 hours later after attaining hurricane intensity, the storm abruptly turned toward the east in response to the trough." - this could probably be merged into one sentence. I would recommend something like "Unexpectedly, a mid- to upper-level trough diving in from the northwest created a weakness, causing Elena to slow drastically and turn abruptly eastward roughly 24 hours after attaining hurricane intensity." Just throwing it out there, but it's a place where you could tighten the wording.
 * I tried a couple different ways to merge the two sentences and couldn't come up with something I liked. I don't want to remove "in the easterly currents", and the recurve and eastward turn are sequential events (in my judgement) rather than two ways to describe the same thing. Juliancolton (talk) 22:48, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
 * "After the passage of the upper-level system early on August 31, however" - however is unneeded.
 * Eh, it contradicts the previous sentence, which discusses forecasts. I think the "however" serves to help make the section a flowing narrative rather than a mere chronology. Juliancolton (talk) 22:48, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
 * "with maximum sustained winds were estimated at 105 mph (170 km/h)" - remove "were"
 * "sliding south of Florida's Forgotten and Emerald coasts" - it's interesting mentioning these fairly obscure terms, but why not just use "Florida panhandle"? More people know of it.
 * "Biloxi, Harrison County, Mississippi" - is the county important?
 * Any reason you don't say where it weakened to TD status?


 * Preparations
 * "Collectively, it was the "largest number of people ever evacuated", according to Case (1986)." - why not say according to Robert Case? The year thing is throwing me off.
 * "and residents in the New Orleans area were particularly weary of what was being called the first serious hurricane threat in 20 years" - any way to link that to Hurricane Betsy? It's always good mentioning the exact name, but I realize if you can't due to source limitations.
 * "that Elena would head further east" - it should be "farther". Any time it refers to distance, it's "farther". Otherwise (such as the country progressed "further" in the field of meteorology), it's "further".
 * "stirring more concern for the eastern Gulf Coast." - why more concern? That seems to be the first mention of eastern Gulf in the preps section.
 * Everyone east of the western FL Panhandle thought they were safe until the storm started turning, which made them more concerned (despite the uncertainty). Juliancolton (talk) 22:48, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Not sure if I should ask here, but did the mass evacuations caused by Elena have any implications for future storms?

--♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 18:10, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks for starting the review. I left a couple responses above to comments I wasn't sure I agreed with, but I've tended to almost everything listed so far. Thanks again! Juliancolton (talk) 22:48, 17 April 2013 (UTC)

I'll get aftermath later. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 01:46, 18 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Impact
 * "134 people in Elena's path were hospitalized with injuries and ailments" - great example of how you can shorten it. Try "Elena injured 134 people." Nice and simple.
 * "thousands more of mobile homes, apartments, and condominiums were damaged or destroyed." - bit on the awkward side. Why not something like "thousands of... were also damaged or destroyed."
 * "When a cargo ship underway close to the hurricane's center rolled in the high seas on August 29" - something is wonky here.
 * You should mention somewhere (maybe aftermath) that Kate in November caused further damage to the oyster industry.
 * "In Key West, on the east side of Elena's strengthening center, gusty winds exceeded 50 mph (80 km/h), while 1.8 in (46 mm) of rain and higher-than-normal tides were also observed on the island." - get rid of "on the island"
 * You might find some useful crop information here.
 * " Debris from the Big Indian Rocks Fishing Pier drifted northward toward Clearwater Pass and accumulated along private beaches at Belleair Shore, where it allegedly acted to worsen property damage." - don't use "allegedly". If you don't know if it happened or not, I'd remove it.
 * I don't get the fifth paragraph in Florida. It seems like some of that content is redundant with the third paragraph, since you mention erosion happening in two different paragraphs. Also, " marked by a period of 13 seconds on August 31" - just seems unnecessary IMO.
 * Given that Elena didn't strike Florida, I think the following info should be moved later in the article.
 * When tropical cyclones move over land, they often produce the wind shear and atmospheric instability required for the development of weak, embedded supercell thunderstorms, which can produce tornadoes. These tornadoes are usually weak and short-lived, but still capable of producing significant damage.
 * "leaving 64 single-family houses and mobiles homes destroyed" - was that a typo or was it referring to something else?
 * "Dauphin Island received a storm surge of 8.4 ft (2.6 m) which resulted in substantial flooding" - again, which --> that
 * "With its location close to the storm's center, and its similarities to a barrier island, Dauphin Island" - isn't Dauphin a barrier island? Its article says it is.
 * You should link Frederic in the Alabama section since you mention it there first, not in the Mississippi section.
 * "the most significant effects of the storm stemmed from its strong winds gusting to over 120 mph (190 km/h)" - the last part (gusting to...) seems redundant since the next sentence includes actual gusts, of which only one is over 120.
 * Any reason you don't use this to indicate that C3 winds were recorded in Alabama, Mississippi, and Florida?
 * "powerlines" - one word or two?
 * "Schools in seven southern counties were forced to closed due to structural damage." - this seems like an odd way to start a paragraph, since you had mentioned schools a few paragraphs earlier.
 * "at the latter, damages included the cost of healing a Florida Sandhill Crane's injured leg" - I wouldn't think of an injured animal as "damage"


 * Aftermath
 * "The name was replaced by Erika, which was first used during the 1991 season." - that'd be good to get a source.
 * "After the city of Cedar Key dropped its participation in the National Flood Insurance Program, leaving residents unable to purchase flood insurance for their property" - when did this happen?

That's it for the article. Great work all around, and the above is fairly minor. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 02:16, 18 April 2013 (UTC)