Talk:Hurricane Fred (2015)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 17:54, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * First, have all of the Sources on impact on the talk page been used? No major issue, the article pass comprehensiveness concerns as far as GAN, just was curious
 * All of the significant ones have been implemented. The remaining links provide tiny bits of info on fishing disruptions and minor post-storm mobilizations, but not considerable enough to be included until more information on the aftermath becomes available (which I will search for thoroughly before FAC).  Auree   ★ ★  18:32, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * This could just be me being pedantic, but should we clarify that a "hurricane" is a tropical cyclone with winds of 74 mph somewhere in the article? That is the official definition of a hurricane, and a lot of the records rest on Fred being the first hurricane, not just a tropical storm. Again, this doesn't affect comprehensiveness, just part of a broader review.
 * That's fine, just need to find the perfect spot to add a note.  Auree  ★ ★  18:46, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * "Fred's origins lay" - minor quibble, and as with the above, it's technically nothing wrong. Some readers might be confused that you use "lay" (it appears it's present tense compared to the rest of the lead), and I still get confused with the whole lie/lay thing (how lay is also the past tense of lie). Perhaps "Fred originated from a well-defined..." to reduce confusion?
 * I think it's fine, honestly.  Auree   ★ ★  18:46, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * "Fred brought gale-force winds to the Barlavento region of Cape Verde on August 31, which was placed under a hurricane warning for the first time in history." - this implies just Barlavento region was under H warnings, but wasn't the entire country under warnings?
 * "On the easternmost islands of Boa Vista and Sal, the winds downed trees and utility poles, leveled roofs and knocked out power and phone services across numerous villages." - this seems to be a bit of a run-on. I count four uses of "and", which I believe is due to you not using the oxford comma. That's fine if you choose not to use that, but perhaps this could be reworded a smidge.
 * I killed the above two birds with one stone :)  Auree   ★ ★  18:32, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * "Monetary losses surmounted $1.1 million (2015 USD) across Cape Verde" - according to Thefreedictionary.com, "surmount" is obsolete in this usage, so perhaps use another word here? I just want to make sure it's understandable to the laymen.
 * Changed to "Totaled".  Auree   ★ ★  18:32, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * "though the overall impact on the agriculture from the rain was considered to be positive." - this could be simpler. --> "though the rain's overall impact on the agriculture was positive."
 * Changed to your suggestion.  Auree   ★ ★  18:32, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * "Traced by widespread cloudiness, the wave moved generally west-northwest toward the open Atlantic throughout the remainder of the day." - I know the source says this, but the track map shows a west-southwest movement, and the source implies that the future movement will be WNW. Perhaps remove the direction and just say "the wave moved toward the open Atlantic..."?
 * Good catch.  Auree   ★ ★  18:32, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * "caused by a mid-altitude perturbation to the north" - could this be simpler? That whole sentence sounds kinda daunting to an outsider, but particularly the ending.
 * Simplified this; see if it's any better.  Auree   ★ ★  18:32, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * Make sure you link UTC on its first usage.
 * Done.  Auree   ★ ★  18:32, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * I love how you handled ref #21 :D
 * Do you think it's worth including NHC's forecasts of Fred becoming a TS again? They kinda changed their attitude of imminent dissipation, and were wrong both times.
 * I think mentioning it doesn't add that much and just disrupts the flow. There's already tons of conflict with "despite shear and the NHC's forecasts it survived." If you see a good way/spot to mention it, feel free to, but I personally don't see the value.  Auree   ★ ★  18:46, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * There's a bit more on the remnants of Fred here, with the tropical weather discussions. This way you can extend the MH a bit beyond the NHC advisories.
 * "TACV Cabo Verde Airlines suspended its flights from the capital of Praia to Dakar" - minor, but should you say Dakar is in Senegal? Right now it's implied it's in Cape Verde
 * I don't know, Dakar is the the capital of Senegal so it should be pretty straightforward. I guess this is one of those geographical nuances that rely on the knowledge of the reader. Most people know Amsterdam is in the Netherlands, but I guess with African places it's a different case :P  Auree   ★ ★  18:32, 21 September 2015 (UTC)


 * "High winds leveled the roof of a sport center at a gymnasium" - isn't a gymnasium the same as a sport center? Don't think you need that level of detail here :P
 * It's not, but I wikilinked it.  Auree   ★ ★  18:32, 21 September 2015 (UTC)

All in all, a great read! Wonderful job with the foreign language sources. ♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 17:54, 21 September 2015 (UTC)