Talk:Hurricane Iris/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Yellow Evan (talk · contribs) 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)

"In Belize, where Iris made landfall, a hurricane warning was issued about 23 hours before the storm moved ashore.[3] " ditch the "where IRis made landfall" part since you mentioned it moved ashore later in the sentence. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "Hurricane Iris was a powerful storm that struck Belize in October 2001. " boring opener. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Put the Hattie bit here. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "It was the ninth named storm, fifth hurricane, and third major hurricane[nb 1] of the 2001 Atlantic hurricane season. Iris was the second strongest storm of the season behind Hurricane Michelle.[2] The storm formed on October 4 just southeast of Barbados from a tropical wave." many issues.
 * Combine the first and third sentences. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Move the second sentence somewhere else (maybe make it the new opener). YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Done both. I moved that bit about Michelle to the second sentence of the lede. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "The storm" to "the system" for variety-reasons. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * I don't get this one. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "When Iris reached the western Caribbean Sea, it rapidly intensified into a category 4 on the Saffir-Simpson scale." "Saffir-Simpson scale" to "Saffir-Simpson hurricane wind scale" YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Why? It's often shortened. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * " It was a small hurricane, and its eye diameter was only 7 mi (11 km)." is that important for the lead? YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Very much so. That's why the damage was isolated, albeit rather heavy. It was also only slightly larger than Wilma 05's record small eye size. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Oh, combine the first two para's of the lead. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Sure thing. I wrote this at work where the screen size was slightly different than my usual. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "making it the most damaging hurricane in the country since Hurricane Hattie in 2001. " Hattie did not occur in 2001! YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Time machine? --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "Striking the poorest parts of the country, Iris left about 15,000 people homeless, and many received assistance from the government and the local Red Cross chapter." to "Striking the poorest parts of the country, Iris left about 15,000 people homeless, many pf which received assistance from the government and the local Red Cross chapter." since you mention a lot of "and's" in the lead. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Good call. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * " later dropped heavy rainfall in southern Mexico, killing two people." you use "killing [X] people" a lot in the lead so cahnge it " later dropped heavy rainfall in southern Mexico, where two people perished." YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Very good call. You're getting good at reviewing YE :) --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "Toward the end of September 2001, a poorly defined tropical wave moved westward across the tropical Atlantic Ocean" I am not sure but should "Toward" be "Towards"? YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * I don't think so. I can change it if you really want me to though, heh. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "As the wave approached the Lesser Antilles, a mid-level circulation formed within the deep convection," link to atmospheric circulation. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * That actually isn't the most appropriate link. I just linked it to TC structure. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "In the first discussion on the depression, around which time the depression was passing between St. Vincent and St. Lucia, the NHC noted the potential for it to degenerate into a tropical wave if the cyclone maintained its fast forward motion." what is the NHC? You don't say so in the MH. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Haha. That's what I get for relying on my writing from 2008. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "Despite its intensification and well-organized satellite appearance, the circulation remained very poorly defined.[3]" 3rd time you've said that in the MH. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * The first time was in reference to the wave, the second was when it formed, and the third was noting the potential for degeneration back into a wave. I think that's pretty important. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "During that time, its satellite appearance became slightly ragged as its outflow became restricted.[9] " why? YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Added. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "The NHC predicted peak winds of about 105 mph (165 km/h) before hitting Belize." cut this, you mention its predictions enough. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Eh, but that's a full 2 categories lower than what it was supposed to be! --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "However, officials noted the potential for the storm to dissipate, due to its small circulation." how is this important if that is waht happened? This MH is too long IMO. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Removed. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Sure. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * The evacuations were later credited for limiting the death toll.[21] Hurricane Keith struck the nation a year prior, which prepared some citizens.[20] "" reverse the order of these sentences. 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Why? The evacuation bit is right after saying how many people evacuated. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "On October 8, the Government of Honduras declared a red alert for all northern regions.[22] " what is a red alert? I know what it is, but others may not. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * What is it then? I'm not exactly sure. I added some more about the warning. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "Another boat, the Vendera, also reportedly capsized with people on board.[3]" how many ppl? and italicize the boat name. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * I could only found out about the Vendera from the TCR, so not exactly sure. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * " the southernmost two," southernmost two what? 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "Toledo and Stann Creek districts, which are the southernmost two" - isn't that clear enough? --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * You use "in [town]" a lot in the impact, try something diffrent like "Throughout the city of [X]" or "Across the district of [X]". YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Varied. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "Christmastime" not a word in my area :F YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * It is in mine :P --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "Although sustaining significant damage, the Government of Guatemala deployed a working team with members from throughout the country to assist in recovery in Belize.[65] " Link to Government of Guatemala. Ditto with Chinese/Japense government and the UN. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * But they don't have much to do with the actual article. They're pretty minor factors. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Add Keith to the see also. YE Pacific  Hurricane 19:09, 28 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Ehh, but it's mentioned a few times in the article. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:30, 28 June 2013 (UTC)