Talk:Hurricane Janet/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 20:29, 2 February 2013 (UTC)


 * I think it's redundant to say "hurricane season" twice in the first two sentences. I know they link to different places, but I don't see the need.
 * Changed to "1955."  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)
 * Now it's redundant having two "1955"'s in a sentence. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 01:43, 3 February 2013 (UTC)
 * Changed to 'year.' And there are no 'year's in the lead. :)  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:23, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "The intense hurricane made landfall at that intensity near Chetumal, Mexico on September 28, weakening over the Yucatán Peninsula before moving into the Bay of Campeche, where it slightly strengthened before making its final landfall near Veracruz on September 29." - way too long. Please split this (I'd suggest cutting after "September 28", since that's a pretty important clause).
 * Split the sentence up, reworded some things.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "Janet quickly weakened over Mexico's mountainous terrain, before dissipating on September 30." - no need for comma
 * Removed comma.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "In its early developmental stages" - redundancy there. I'd cut "early"
 * Cut.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)


 * The first sentence in the second lede paragraph says "Lesser Antilles" twice. Find a way to remove one of them.
 * Changed to 'island chain.'  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)
 * You now have "island chain" twice in the same sentence. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 01:43, 3 February 2013 (UTC)
 * Rearrange wording.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:27, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "While in the central Caribbean Sea, a reconnaissance aircraft which flew into the storm was lost; all eleven crew members perished." - something isn't quite right here. In the first clause (in the central Carib), are you referring to Janet or the aircraft? Also, don't use "which", use "that", but even so, I think the sentence would read better if you said "...aircraft flew into the storm and was lost, with all eleven crew members believed perished." Something like that.
 * Reworded to recommended wording.


 * "A Category 5 upon landfall on the Yucatán Peninsula, Janet caused severe devastation in areas on the peninsula and British Honduras." - don't say "peninsula" twice. Either use "Quintana Roo", or eastern Mexico, or something.
 * Changed to Quintana Roo, linked.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)
 * You have Quintana Roo linked twice in the lede. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 01:43, 3 February 2013 (UTC)
 * Delinked the second one.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:27, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "worsening effects caused by Hurricanes Gladys and Hilda earlier in the year" - I'd say "earlier in the month", since all three were in September '55.
 * Changed.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "The floods left thousands of people stranded." - any info about damage from Janet's last landfall?
 * Talked about number of deaths, largest US relief operation in Mexico.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "Janet's landfall as a Category 5 hurricane on the Yucatán Peninsula marked the first recorded instance that a storm of such intensity in the Atlantic basin made on a continental mainland, with all previous storms making landfall as Category 5 hurricanes on islands." - that's a pretty bold statement to just source it to the best track. Do you have a better source?
 * Sourced NCDC's "Category 5 MONSTERS!" website.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "A total of at least" - just say "At least"
 * Cut.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works)

That's it through the lede. I'll continue my review later, but feel free to address these. Just respond below each comment when you're done with them, please. --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 20:29, 2 February 2013 (UTC)
 * - Finished the recommended fixes in the lead.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 22:55, 2 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "becoming a tropical storm by 1800 UTC" - there is no indication of the date in that or the previous sentence.
 * Added "September 21."  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * " The disturbance organized, becoming a tropical storm by 1800 UTC while located 350 mi (565 km) east-southeast of Martinique,[6][7] and as a result was tropical storm was named Janet by the Weather Bureau, the tenth named storm of the year" - can't you shorten this?
 * Cut the sentence into two, after 'Martinque'  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "By September 21 the storm system already attained winds of 60 mph (95 km/h). " - comma after "September 21", and when you use phrases like "by X date", you should say "had already attained".
 * Changed.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "At the time gale force winds extended up to 75 mi (120 km/h) away" - why "up to"?
 * Removed the two words.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "The small hurricane continued to rapidly intensify as it moved westward across the Windward Islands." - this is the first indication of Janet being a hurricane, and the construction is similar to "Janet quickly intensified as it moved to the west", only three sentences earlier.
 * Talked about that it did intensify to a hurricane, and proceeded to rapidly intensify.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "On September 22, Janet intensified from a tropical storm to a Category 3 hurricane with maximum sustained winds of 120 mph (195 km/h) in just six hours" - that is false. The best track hasn't been analyzed for that time period, and since the 06 intensity was the same as the 00 intensity, it might not have intensified so crazily in six hours. I'd change to - "by X time, Janet already attained winds of [blank]"
 * Changed.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "Shortly after 1700 UTC that day" - never start a paragraph like this. You should almost always reiterate the date when starting a new paragraph
 * Indicated the date.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "After passing through the islands of Grenada and Carriacou the following morning" - at this point in the paragraph, you haven't yet indicated the date. Not good. Also, it's ambiguous whether it struck both islands, or if it passed between them.
 * Listed the date, said that it passed between the islands.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "a U.S. Navy reconnaissance plane that entered the hurricane early on September 24 reported a lack of organization, including an indiscernible center of circulation and weak rainbands" - you can cut this down. Give it a shot.
 * Gave it a shot.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "After a reconnaissance flight reported much strong winds then initially suggested" - "stronger"? Also, "than"
 * Fixed my misspellings.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "All warnings in the Windward Antilles remained in affect until 1000 UTC the next day." - what date?
 * Added date.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "advisories warned areas in British Honduras and Quintana Roo" - about what?
 * "Hurricane-related impacts"  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "Janet passed south of Barbados on September 22, becoming the first hurricane to strike the island" - so passing south of an island constitutes a strike? That'd make sense if it was "passed just south"
 * Added just.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * Did you have to link " dwellings "? Ditto homeless
 * Delinked.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * " killing another 122 people" - I don't get the "another"
 * Removed 'another.'  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "An airport on Grenada was covered in debris strewn by the strong winds caused by the hurricane." - goes on a bit much.
 * Cut the 'caused by the hurricane' part.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "St.George's" - not sure if it's my computer, but I think you need a space there.
 * Added space, and no, it's not your computer.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "but it is unknown how many were never found" - never, or ever?
 * Never ever never.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "Much of Santa Elena, Belize was also flattened by the strong winds - Belize isn't in Quintana Roo
 * Moved it elsewhere.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)

This is up through "Quintana Roo". --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 01:43, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "To a lesser extent, the hurricane also somewhat effected" - redundancy there, and it's "affected"
 * Changed affected.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "Like in Corozal and Orange Walk Districts" - "Like" isn't the best word here.
 * Changed to similar to...  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "strong waves caused by Janet sunk the shrimp boat Celestino Arias after suffering engine failures" - technically the wording means "strong waves sunk... after suffering engine failures." You should add something
 * Changed the wording in general.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "Natula" - typo
 * Took a while for me to see what was the right spelling :)  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "According to some sources, 800 people died from the floods, with thousands more being stranded in the city." - this is several sentences after the Tampico damage. Try re-ordering.
 * Re-ordered back.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "Relief work on Barbados helped " - should that be "workers"?
 * Er....  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "due to the food and water shortage" - don't need to link
 * Delinked.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "Conversions from British Pounds to United States Dollars were done using the currency converter here, with an exchange date of September 29, 1955" - you shouldn't say "here". Instead, make it ref (cite web), and say the website you used.
 * Cited.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)


 * "It is not expected to be used for another Atlantic hurricane." - retired means it won't be used again.
 * Removed.  TheAustinMan (Talk·Works) 02:11, 3 February 2013 (UTC)

All in all, good job! --♫ Hurricanehink ( talk ) 01:56, 3 February 2013 (UTC)
 * - Thanks for the review!