Talk:Hurricane Liza/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk · contribs) 22:35, 8 March 2013 (UTC)

I've got this one, YE. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 22:35, 8 March 2013 (UTC)

Lede, Meteorological history, Preparations This covers the article up to Impact. Let me know when you're finished with the above comments and I'll finish reviewing. I know it looks like a lot, but most issues are easily fixable. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 22:35, 8 March 2013 (UTC) Impact, Aftermath, References
 * First things first, make sure all your converts are rounded to the nearest five if they need to be.
 * They should be okay. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Hurricane Liza was considered the worst natural disaster in the history of Baja California Sur." - Unless a storm came by that is worse than Liza, the "was" should be "is".
 * We have no sources that say there was a disaster worse then Liza, but we also have none that says it remains the worst natural disaster in the history of the peninsula. After all, Hurricane Norbert (2008) was costlier than Liza. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "The seventeenth tropical cyclone, thirteenth named storm, and the eighth hurricane of the 1976 Pacific hurricane season," - Maintain parallelism. No need for the "thee" before "eighth".
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "In favorable conditions, Liza continued to intensify, reaching hurricane strength on September 28 after developing an eye." - This sentence implies that the development of an eye automatically means the system is a hurricane, which is not the case; tropical storms have been known to have well-defined eyes.
 * Re-worded. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * " The hurricane gradually intensified before reaching peak intensity as a Category 4 hurricane on the Saffir–Simpson hurricane scale on September 30 with winds of 140 mph (230 km/h) and a minimum barometric pressure of 948 mbar (hPa; 28.00 inHg)." - Comma after September 30.
 * Added. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Moving north, Liza weakened as it moved into the Gulf of California, before making landfall north of Los Mochis, Sinaloawith winds of 115 mph (185 km/h), making Liza one of 12 landfalling major hurricanes in the basin." - Split the sentence. Why did Liza weaken?
 * The first is ✅. The second is not known. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "The hurricane rapidly weakened inland, before dissipating on October 2." - If you use "before" there is no need for a comma before it.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Prior to the arrival of Liza, the government failed to protect a dam, while other residents refused to evacuate." - Why is this important?
 * It comes very important if you read the article. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Along the Gulf of California coastline, troops evacuated residents and radio stations warned all nearby ships to remain at harbor." - Comma after residents.
 * No. There are only two events so it does not need a comma. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * You can't say it's not needed up here and then say it's a good call farther down in this review. Add the comma. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 00:01, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * ✅. I misread the sentence. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "However, when the remnants of the storm moved into the Southwestern United States, the National Weather Service warned residents of flooding." - Why however? And this sentence would probably be better suited farther down in the paragraph.
 * Because the US actually bothered to issue warnings unlike MX. Also, since the article mentions preps first, then impact. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * It's strange wording though, and not very flow-y. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 00:01, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * Could not find a place for it, so I removed it. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "A dam burst and hundreds of people were swept away by flood water." - Which dam?
 * Added. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Throughout the state, there would a variety of death tolls reported, but officials estimate 1,000 people perished." - Word error.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "The remnants of the storm latter affected the United States." - Later, not latter.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * "The government received criticism for the tragedy, citing that the dam the broke had been poorly built." - the --> that (before broke).
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "It is estimated that a tropical depression developed at 1800 UTC on September 25 while centered about 485 mi (780 km) east-northeast of Zihuatanejo, Guerrero." - Comma after 25.
 * No, not needed here because a subordinate conjunction is in the middle of the sentence. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * No, a comma is definitely needed here. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 00:01, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * No, look here. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Thereafter, Liza turned to the north at 7 mph (11 km/h) and began to strengthen while moving through sea surface temperatures (SST's) of 85 °F (29 °C)" - Over, not through. Is how quickly it was moving important?
 * It's that only info they give on the storm, so it's worth adding. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Within 48 hours of formation, the Eastern Pacific Hurricane Center (EPHC) had reported winds of 65 mph (105 km/h)[1]" - Weird sentence. And no comma?
 * Have you ever seen SHEM articles (i.e. Cyclone Rewa? They are loaded with that kind of wording. For variety's sake, I added some of that in here. But, I added a period. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Early on September 28, Liza intensified into a hurricane,[2]while developing an eye 17 mi (27 km) in diameter, though this eye was initially not visible on satellite imagery" --> "Liza intensified into a hurricane early on September 28 and subsequently developed an eye 17 mi (27 km) in diameter, though this was not initially visible on satellite imagery."
 * Found a better way to word this without getting into OR issues. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Midday on September 28, Hurricane Hunters made the first of four flights into Liza. At 1730 UTC, they reported a surface pressure of 971 mbar (28.7 inHg) despite reporting winds of just 45 mph (70 km/h)." --> "During the afternoon hours of September 28, the Hurricane Hunters made the first of our flights into Liza, recording a minimum barometric pressure of 971 mbar (28.7 inHg); despite the low pressure, maximum sustained winds barely met tropical storm criteria."
 * Did most of what you said. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "By early on September 29, Liza had attained winds of 80 mph (130 km/h)." - Not really a necessary sentence.
 * Merged with the below sentence. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Liza continued to intensify, and later that morning, Liza had reached Category 2 intensity on the Saffir-Simpson hurricane wind scale (SSHWS)." --> "Liza continued to intensity, reaching Category 2 intensity on the Saffir-Simpson hurricane wind scale (SSHWS) early on September 29."
 * Sorta did what you said. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Around this time, the EPHC upgraded the hurricane into a major hurricane, Category 3 or higher on the SSHWS." - Stick an "a" before "Category".
 * ✅ though I am not sure if that was a good idea. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Continuing to undergo rapid deepening, Hurricane Liza attained winds of 140 mph (220 km/h), making Hurricane Liza a mid-level Category 4 hurricane" - No need for the last part of the sentence.
 * I never mentioned it became a Cat 4 before. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Late on September 30, Liza brushed the Baja California Peninsula, passing about 65 mi (105 km) east of Cabo San Lucas[1] while still at peak intensity.[2]" - What's with the reference in the middle of a sentence without any punctuation?
 * ~A comma is not needed here and what's wrong a ref in the middle of a sentence? 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Early on October 1, Liza entered the Gulf of California 52 mi (84 km) east of La Paz, Baja California Sur." - Comma after California.
 * Why? YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * Because it's correct grammar? Lol. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 00:01, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * No, per the bottom of this because there is no number before 52. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * Then at least add a word between the location. Liza entered the Gulf of California roughly, about, etc. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 01:02, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * ✅. 01:08, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "By 1300 UTC that day, Liza made landfall about 52 mi (84 km) north of Los Mochis, Sinaloa with winds of 115 mph (185 km/h), still a Category 3 storm." - Get rid of the last part of the sentence.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * " Operationally, however, Hurricane Liza was estimated to have made landfall with winds of 100 mph (185 km/h)[10] and gusts up to 150 mph (230 km/h)." - Dont see a need to put the reference in the middle of the sentence, it looks strange. Just move it to the end with the other.
 * Just because it looks weird does not mean it's bad. It makes it IMO easier to verify. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "The storm rapidly weakened inland while accelerating at speeds of 15 to 20 mph (25 to 30 km/h) until the system dissipated the following day." --> The storm continued quickly inland while weakening, dissipating the following day over [location].
 * I did most of what you said. However, location is not known. Yes, the EPHC literally discontinued advisories just after landfall. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * Since the preparations section is so small, just merge it with the Impacts section.
 * The impact section is big though. IMO, it's make it much easier to organize and determine what's what with these type of storms. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * "Prior to the arrival of the hurricane, many residents in shanty towns failed to hear tropical cyclone warnings and watches." - "hear tropical cyclone warnings and watches" makes it sound like tornado sirens, where people physically hear them. Add "of" after "hear". Also, where were the advisories issued specifically?
 * We have no idea, the source is from a newspaper. And believe it or not, AFAIK sirens were issued for older EPAc storms. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * " In addition, city officials warned the residents living near the dam to take shelter public buildings." - For the third time in this review, what dam?
 * It's mentioned earlier. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * No, you just mention "a dam". Does it have a name or anything? TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 00:01, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * Not with the new change I made, I mention it's location. Is that enough? YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * It's fine. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 01:02, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "However, most refused to leave." - Combine with the previous sentence.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "On the other hand, the government ignored requests to shore up an earthen dam[13] as they did not believe Liza would pose much of a threat to the Baja California Peninsula." --> Despite requests, the government ignored all requisitions to shore up (what?) an earthen dam, as they did not believe Liza would pose a significant threat of damage to the Baja California Peninsula.[ref]
 * ✅, though I removed the first part as it was redundant and the last part to avoid OR. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Along the Gulf Coast, troops evacuated residents and radio stations warned all nearby ships to remain at harbor." - Comma after residents.
 * Good call. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "According to the National Weather Service, flash flood watchs were posted for much of deserts of California, southern Utah, and a portion of Colorado." --> "As the remnants of Liza moved across the western United States, flash flood watches were posted for much of California, southern Utah, and Colorado."
 * Fixed the typo, but not all of California is desert, so I had to leave that alone. Also, I still left tat the NWS issued the watches. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Shortly thereafter, making landfall north of Los Mochis, Sinaloa with winds of 115 mph (185 km/h), making Liza one of 12 landfalling major hurricanes in the basin." - You changed the sentence, but now it makes no sense.
 * Re-worded a part. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "In all, Liza brought a total of $100 million in damage[17] in a place that receives catastrophic flooding from hurricanes every 50 years or so." - What place? Why is there a reference stuck on a word?
 * I've covered this issue before. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "The hurricane is considered the second worst natural disaster in the History of Mexico, only trailing the 1985 Mexico earthquake and the worst natural disaster in the history of the peninsula" --> The hurricane is considered the second worst natural disaster in Mexico on record, trailing only the 1985 Mexico earthquake, and the worst neutral disaster in the history of [location - Baja California Sur?]
 * Actually, I cut the first bad out as it is OR. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Although the Hydrometeorological Prediction Center (HPC) suggests that Liza brought only light to moderate rains to the area, peaking at around 1 in (25 mm),[21] newspaper accounts claim that 11.8 in (300 mm) fell (more than a year's worth of rainfall) in some areas in a mere hours." - Do not use parentheses in an article. Add an en dash or just remove it. Remove "a" before "mere".
 * There is nothing against it in the WP:MOS. On your second concern, there was actually suppose to be a word there. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)

Once these issues are addressed (don't forget the responses at the other section), I'll be happy to pass. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 00:01, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * There may not be, but it's at least WPTC standard (ask Hink) not to use parentheses in articles. Fix all instances. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 01:02, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * I don't see anything against it in YE  Pacific   Hurricane  01:08, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "During night of October1, waters burst a three-year-old and 30 ft (9.1 m) dike" - Spacing issues. Too cool for periods?
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "A 5 ft (1.5 m) wall of water[42] spilled over a small shanty town of 10,000, thousands of which lived in cardboard shacks." - Don't stick a reference on a word.
 * See above. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Some shacks got swept 6 mi (9.7 km) away from their initial location." - "got" is very middle school-y. Replace it with "were".
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * "Streets also received flooding from the dam burst;[43] Most of the deaths from the hurricane were due to the dam failure." - The first word following a semicolon is never capitalized.
 * It was originally two sentences. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Dozens" of people were also swept away into the Sea of Cortez when Hurricane Liza destroyed a 600 ft (180 m) sea wall, which, ironically, had been built to prevent flooding from storms like Liza" - Change "storms like Liza" to "such storms".
 * ✅, good idea. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Bridges up to 600 ft (180 m) long were twisted." - Add whatever caused this, whether it be winds or flooding(?).
 * Idk. Source did not say. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "In La Paz, a town that at that time had a population of around 85,000, 20,000 were left homeless[10] (nearly one third of the towns population)[20] and an additional 4,000 were injured." - No reference on word, no parentheses, add comma before the last "and".
 * I have mentioned why I will not do the first two above, but I did add a comma per request. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Widespread flooding was reported throughout the city[48] with mud filling up the first floor of many houses." - No reference on word. Comma after "city".
 * No, I mentioned this earlier (to both). YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "wood, tarpaper, and cardboard were all scattered throughout La Paz." - Capitalize the first letter of the first word.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Throughout the city, a total off 412 people had been killed[10] 150 were missing people within the resort city[47] five of which were later presumed dead." - off to of, no reference on a word. Comma after killed, comma after the second city (no reference on word!).
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Then-Mexican president Luis Echeverria as well as the HPC and EPHC claimed that 435 people died during the hurricane." - No no no. Not "Then-Mexican". Fix that.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Initially, reports stated that 630 people died during the storm but this total does not include victims found by the Mexican army." --> "It was initially stated that 630 people had died during the storm; however, this total does not include victims discovered by the Mexican army."
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * "By late October 3, Mexican officials and a Red Cross spokesperson reported that 650 bodies had been found" - Add a period at the end.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * "By October 6, local officials had abandoned efforts to retrieve additional bodies, citing that searching for more dead bodies would alter the course of a river, and thus led to further danger" - Huh?!
 * Simplified. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * "According to preliminary estimates by officials, 40,000 people were homeless and an addition 20,000 were injured[10] 126 of which were considered significant." - Comma after injured.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "At first, most of the bodies found by the army were buried like normal"[...] - Comma after normal.
 * "Light rainfall up to 1 in (25 mm) was recorded along the southeastern region of the state[21] which led to reports of damage." - No reference on word.
 * See above. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "About 30,000 people were left homeless state-wide[62] though other authorities estimated that 24,000 people were left homeless in both Sonora and Sinaloa combined." - No reference on word.
 * See above. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "In Arizona, the tropical system brought light to moderate rain throughout the state, with the state maximum being 1.48 inches (38 mm) at Willow Beach, Arizona." - Remove the second instance of "the state".
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Further east, Liza's remnants dropped light rainfall in New Mexico (peaking at 0.47 in (12 mm) in White Sands National Monument)[63] as well as in southwestern Texas." - No parentheses. Will need a comma before "as well".
 * I've covered the first, but added the comma. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * "Other rescue workers overcame 100 °F (38 °C)° heat while frantically searched bodies floating along the ocean and under mud[56][65] not to mention the fact that their close proximity to weakened buildings and power lines." - Random degree sign, period after mud. No need for the last part of the sentence.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "An effort was made to cure people who were suffering from sickness, but by, midday on October 3, the effort had been halted after treating more than 5,000 persons due to a lack of sterile cotton vital for administrating the shots." - No need for a comma after "but by".
 * Removed. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * "By early October 2, supplies had been brought in by ship via Mexican navy and air containing food, blankets, and medicine." - Supplies, including food, blankets, and medicine, had been brought in by ship via the Mexican navy by early on October 2."
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * "Around that time, President Echeverria, ordered emergency aid to be sent La Paz, Los Mochis, and Ciudad Obregon, as well as three coastal Sonoran ports." - No comma after the president's name.
 * It's gone. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * " Then U.S.-president-Gerald Ford agreed to provide aid for victims of Hurricane Liza;" [...] - No "Then U.S.-". Fix it.
 * He is no longer the US president, fortunately. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * I meant change the wording..the USA president at the time or something along those lines. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 01:02, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  01:08, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "The government said that it was rushing in 100,000 meals as well as 40,000 temporary shelters[66] the first of which started to arrive on October 5[41] but within a week after the storm, one survier of the storm noted that plenty of food had arrived from many places." - Split, add necessary commas/periods. Survivior, not survier.
 * ✅. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Baja California Sur governor, Ceaser Mendoza Arambrue, ordered a permanent evacuation of all low-lying residents to prevent more destruction during future floods, saying 'I never want to see this city menaced in this way again'" - No need for the first two commas. Comma after saying.
 * There are okay, as it is an apostrophe. YE  Pacific   Hurricane  00:55, 9 March 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the reviewing this important article. YE  Pacific   Hurricane
 * Despite your resistance to fix some of my comments above, I really don't see anything holding this article from GA. Passing. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk) 01:14, 9 March 2013 (UTC)