Talk:Insaniquarium/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Npthura (talk · contribs) 02:07, 3 July 2021 (UTC)

I'll review this article. Expect comments within a few days. Npthura (talk) 02:07, 3 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Infobox and lead
 * Wikilink Jonne Valtonen in the infobox.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Shouldn't Tysen Henderson be part of the "Artists" section of the infobox?
 * : He is not credited as an artist in the manual, though I can add a footnote centered on him. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * In the "Release" section of the infobox, "Phone" in "Mobile Phone" is capitalized when it shouldn't be.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Change "PC" to "Microsoft Windows", since the term "PC" denotes the term for everyday, personal computers of any operating system.
 * ✅ for changing the name in the platforms list. for changing it in the released list thanks to a release date dilemma. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Lead seems fine.


 * Gameplay
 * "Each stage begins with two guppies in the tank or one breeder which creates guppies..." The source cited doesn't mention anything about a breeder creating them.
 * ✅: That one must have slipped under my radar during reconstruction. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Change "money to "coins" in the third sentence.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * What exactly is "filling food"? Does it keep fish full for longer?
 * ✅: Yes. I have clarified the statement. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "Powerful lasers..." Remove "powerful".
 * ✅ along with clarifying that they are laser upgrades. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "whether through fish food bought by the player or other species of fish in the tank." Change this to: "either from fish food bought by the player or eating other species of fish in the tank."
 * Rather than that, I decided to clarify the entire statement. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "or other species of fish in the tank." The source cited doesn't mention that some fish have to eat other fish to live.
 * ✅: Moved a source that does mention this fact of the game to support it. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "In addition to feeding fish, the player must protect the fish from aliens that periodically enter the tank and attempt to eat the fish." The use of "fish" is pretty redundant in this sentence.
 * ✅: Replaces the redundant instances with "them". Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "(or pets in the final boss battle)" There was no information about pets any time before this sentence, and what are the boss battles?
 * ✅: I removed this along with the entire sentence because of your following request. The final boss battle refers to the battle with Cyrax at the end of the game; there are no other boss battles. Because no sources mention this, this statement was pointless to include in the section. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "If there are no fish present in the tank (or pets for the final boss battle), the player will lose and have to restart the level..." I might be wrong, but the manual that is cited doesn't mention anything about what happens when the player loses.
 * ✅: The manual doesn't say what happens when the player loses. As such, I am removing the entire sentence. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "by clicking Adventure button after reverting back to the main menu." This sounds a bit like WP:GAMECRUFT to me.
 * ✅: Already removed along with the entire sentence.


 * "Insaniquarium can be played in Adventure, Time Trial, Challenge Mode, or Virtual Tank." Change this to: "Insaniquarium can be played in five modes: Adventure, Time Trial, Challenge Mode, or Virtual Tank." I think it's important to acknowledge what these names are about the first time they are mentioned, since without clarification, they seem like a bunch of random names.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * When the modes are first mentioned, one of them is called "Challenge Mode", even though the manual and other sources call it simply "Challenge".
 * ✅: Removed "mode". Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Capitalize "adventure" in the second and fifth sentences of the second paragraph, as it's a proper noun.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "For the first time playing the game, at the end of each level of a tank, the player receives a new pet from the egg." What does "for the first time playing the game" mean? Is it the first time the player completes the level?
 * That kind of implies you can go back and replay levels, which you can't. I have reworded the sentence. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "There are bonus rounds where the player can collect shells." I know the shells' purpose is specified later in the section, but because this is the first time they are mentioned, what do they do?
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * In the third sentence of the third paragraph, Reference 3 doesn't really mention about collecting coins during Time Trial.
 * ✅: Removed the reference. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "Each level is about collecting as much money as possible before the time runs out." Change this to: "The purpose of each level is to collect as much money before the time runs out."


 * I'll stop with the gameplay section for now. There will be more to come soon. Please let me know if I get any comments incorrect or if you have any questions.
 * I am done with your current requests. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 8 July 2021 (UTC)
 * The sentence about what happens when the player loses wasn't removed, but all my other comments seems to have been addressed.
 * Weird, thought I did. Oh well. ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 18:08, 8 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Development
 * Wikilink "gaming portal".
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "He came across the website for PopCap Games and found them better than the other Java games he was researching." This needs clarifying. What does "them" mean? From the reference, it seems like Fan found PopCap's video games better.
 * ✅: Replaced "them" with "their games"


 * Mention that Tysen Henderson is an artist and college friend of Fan, since there's really no proper introduction of who he actually is.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 04:50, 13 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "Fan's main purpose with creating Insaniquarium was to create a video game to enter into the Independent Games Festival, having decided to do so along with Henderson after seeing the independent games in Game Developers Conference 2001 (GDC 2001)." Although this is my opinion, I think this sentence is really good for the first sentence of the second paragraph. It's a good introduction for the paragraph, and it pretty much explains the purpose of the game's creation right then and there. Also, remove "create" and instead add "develop" because of redundancy.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)


 * The first prototype was simply featured..." Remove "was".
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "Fan was inspired by an unknown Java game, which let the player buy upgrades with accumulated resources, to add more depth to Insaniquarium." This sentence sounds wonky. I recommend to change it to: "Fan decided to add more depth to Insaniquarium due to his inspiration from an unknown Java game, which let the player buy upgrades with accumulated resources."
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "During development a member of the team purchased a goldfish and examined its movements and behaviour." Was there any significance from doing this? According to the source, the fish acted as some sort of inspiration for the game, but they really don't go in-depth as to why that was.
 * ✅: Removed the statement. Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "He entered it into the festival on 2002." Change "on" to "in".
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "PopCap offered Fan aid in publishing the game as a downloadable game..." The use of "game" is redundant.
 * ✅: Replaced "the game" with "Insaniquarium". Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "Blizzard allowed Fan to work on Insaniquarium before working at Blizzard..." Change this to: Blizzard allowed Fan to work on Insaniquarium before working with them..."
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "Blizzard allowed Fan to work on Insaniquarium before working at Blizzard, and Fan worked with PopCap Games..." The use of "work" is also pretty redundant.
 * ✅: Slight rewrite. Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)


 * I'll stop there for now. Again, let me know if you have any questions of if you think my comments are incorrect.
 * Done with this set of requests. Lazman321 (talk) 13:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Sorry, I should have clarified that you wikilink "gaming portal" to "game portal". Apart from that, you didn't clarify what "them" meant in the second sentence, and you also didn't answer the comment about Tysen Henderson.
 * In addition, I did some very minor copyediting on a sentence of one of the development paragraphs, if that's fine by you. Npthura (talk) 18:12, 9 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Sorry for the long wait. I have edited the section in response to your requests. Lazman321 (talk) 04:50, 13 July 2021 (UTC)
 * I'm also sorry that I didn't add the final comments yet; I had private issues to deal with. I'll add the rest of the comments today. Npthura (talk) 16:51, 13 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Release
 * "in August 31, 2001." Replace "in" with "on".
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "known as Insaniquarium: Deluxe..." The game manual and other websites just call it "Insaniquarium Deluxe" with no colon.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "The paid downloadable version..." Does the manual cited say that game has to be paid for?
 * ✅: No, but the GameSpot source does. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "announced on December 2006..." Change "on" to "in".
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "...platform on April 13, 2006 in the United States, and on June 29, 2006..." Add a comma to the end of both 2006s.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "The version reduced..." Specify that it's the mobile version.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "The version reduced the amount of tanks from four to three and removed Challenge mode." To my knowledge, the sources cited really don't specify this.
 * ✅: Removed, as I added it based on original research; the sources never actually say this. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Reception
 * The sales of the game should be split into its own paragraph.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * There too many quotes and not enough paraphrasing in general. I know that the authors of some sources don't have enough info about their opinions of the game, but try to paraphrase when possible.
 * ✅ slightly Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * In the third paragraph, you should write as the first sentence "the game's visuals were also praised by some critics" to set the theme for that paragraph.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "said that Insaniquarium ' a fast-clicking experience...'" Change this to: "said that Insaniquarium is 'a fast-clicking experience...'"
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * References
 * Sources seem to check out.
 * This is pretty nitpicky, but capitalize the first "i" in GamesIndustry.biz when the website is mentioned in the references.
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Although not required by GA, archive all sources, especially for most of the sources being over 10 years old.
 * Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 15:49, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * Images
 * Most of the information for the fair use rationale of the cover art of the game needs more clarification, and some of the info is just downright wrong.
 * ✅ through uploading a different cover art. Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * The caption of the gameplay screenshot doesn't seem to match what's actually happening in the screenshot. I think you should just simply write: "Screenshot of gameplay from Insaniquarium".
 * ✅ Lazman321 (talk) 05:14, 15 July 2021 (UTC)


 * I'm done with all sections Once again, let me know if you think my comments are incorrect or if you have any questions. Npthura (talk) 21:50, 14 July 2021 (UTC)
 * I have addressed your requests. Lazman321 (talk) 15:49, 15 July 2021 (UTC)
 * It seems that all my comments have been addressed. I did a slight grammar change to the article, but everything else seems fine. I will now promote this to GA. <b style="color:#8B0000">Npthura</b> (<b style="color:#8B0000">talk</b>) 19:54, 15 July 2021 (UTC)