Talk:Irresistible (Jessica Simpson album)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: CallMe Nathan   &bull;  Talk2Me   03:33, 16 June 2011 (UTC)


 * Now that Novice7 is back from an extended break, I will post the review shortly.-- CallMe Nathan  &bull;  Talk2Me   00:29, 2 July 2011 (UTC)

Lead

 * released on May 25, 2001, through Columbia Records -> no comma needed
 * No! A comma is required after the year in this type of date construction.  Two Hearted River  ( paddle /  fish ) 10:35, 23 July 2011 (UTC)


 * contacted already established writers and producers -> what do you mean? Popular producers?
 * Yes, popular songwriters and producers. Should it be changed? Novice7 (talk) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)


 * did not do well on the charts prompting Simpson to re-evaluate her career, as she felt she could do better. -> this could use a re-write
 * most of whom were disappointed by the music. Some of them also felt it was too generic and over-produced -> most of whom were disappointed by the music; some of them also felt it was too generic and over-produced
 * 500,000 copies or more -> not more
 * released from Irresistible. The title track was released -> try not to repeat wording in such a close proximity
 * and was commercially successful -> for original and NPOV reasons, try and not label things a success or failure, unless with critical accompaniment (like calling Glitter a critical failure is okay)
 * All done (except the noted). Novice7 (talk) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Background

 * Jessica Simpson signed a record deal with Columbia Records in 1998 and next year, released her debut album titled Sweet Kisses. -> You seem to be using two different tenses. Also, Maybe just introduce her as Simpson?
 * Both are in past tense... Adabow has modified the sentence. Novice7 (talk) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)


 * The album comprised mostly ballads -> The album comprised mostly of ballads
 * she felt she could do better. -> can be better written
 * She decided that her "innocent" image would not help advance her career. At the suggestion of Columbia executives, she began to develop a sexier image and a new sound -> try merging. An example would be "Feeling her more 'innocent' image would halt her career from further developing, Simpson began to develop a sexier image and newer sound, at the suggestion of the Columbia executives." I think this reads better and smoother.
 * Simpson moved further into the teen-pop genre -> 'Further' implies she started before
 * would help to remake her career -> would help remake her career
 * She broke up with her then-boyfriend Nick Lachey -> We need stronger prose, maybe "She separated from
 * The development of new image coincided with the production of her second studio effort, Irresistible. -> her also, how did her new image begin to manifest itself into her career before the album was released? TV appearances?
 * Will address the last comment soon. Novice7 (talk) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Done. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 09:26, 1 August 2011 (UTC)

Development

 * when a certain track's lyrics were too suggestive or delivered -> re-word. It sounds like you are discussing a certain incident, and not as a basic idea
 * At this point, we aren't sure who Mottola is; you haven't introduced him aside from the quote. (Trust me, I know all too well who he is; that bastard lol)
 * and rejecting ones he felt were not good -> needing stronger prose
 * for an artist in her native. -> I'm honestly not sure what this means
 * Link Mariah Carey as it was only mentioned in lead
 * three cuts of Irresistible. -> from
 * One of the cuts, "For Your Love", according to Simpson, recalls "I Wanna Love You Forever" (1999). -> What do you mean 'recalls'?
 * All done. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Recording and production

 * They sang the song side by side in the studio. -> Try incorporating this into another sentence
 * with whom Simpson said she could be "very cool". -> needs prose fixing
 * Done. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Composition

 * Simpson adopts breathy vocals for the song,[27] and it features a string section. -> Aside from featuring a string section, Simpson adopted breathy vocals for the song". Its difficult because you have listed two things that have nothing to do with each other in the sentence; Simpson's voice and the instrumentation.
 * The lyrics of the song point to an imminent sexual compromise,[5] and "total fulfillment". -> Care to elaborate a bit? Maybe explain how critics maintain that the song sees her remove her mature image and features lyrics that compliment her 'losing her virginity' (I believe those exist)
 * beat-oriented setting -> pattern
 * Simpson sings the lyrics as rapid-fire verses over a piano-backed musical track with start and stop hooks. -> re-write
 * Simpson again adopts breathy vocals,[31] and the lyrics talk -> Simpson again adopts breathy vocals, with the lyrics
 * he song received a negative response -> 'a negative' 'critics' -> negative
 * "What's It Gonna Be", which was compared to outtakes from Spears' Oops!... I Did It Again (2000),[23] is a bubblegum pop song influenced by '80s funk music -> "What's It Gonna Be" is a bubblegum pop song influenced by '80s funk music, which was compared to outtakes from Spears' Oops!... I Did It Again (2000)
 * Simpson's performance was compared to that of Michael Jackson and Destiny's Child. -> A little repetative. Maybe "Compared to the likes of MJ and DC, Simpson's performance '
 * the former is backed by 60 piece orchestra -> a
 * getting rid of a partner with a "cheating heart" -> This doesn't make sense
 * A 21-second sample of Lachey co-penned
 * "The Lachey penned" or "Of the song co-penned by Lachey"-- CallMe Nathan  &bull;  Talk2Me   07:13, 1 August 2011 (UTC)
 * All done except last comment. I don't understand what you mean. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)
 * Fixed. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 09:27, 1 August 2011 (UTC)

Artwork

 * "Every woman wants to be sexy, and if you feel good about yourself," she added -> if you feel good about yourself what?
 * Done. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Critical

 * Upon its release -> Upon release
 * However, he praised Simpson's cover of "His Eye Is on the Sparrow": -> I think you should've mentioned in the composition section that the song is actually a cover
 * So if her pop fortunes fail, perhaps she'll find some contemporary Christian singers to imitate -> I think you are misinterpreting his quote. It isn't really a compliment, he's basically saying no matter what she does it isn't original, and she'll always be 'imitating'
 * although he noticed that the album sounded like a mixture -> although noting the album sounded
 * was also positive in his review -> He can't be positive in his review; his review can be positive
 * Done. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Commercial

 * number twelve the following week before falling -> number twelve the following week, before falling
 * and as of February 2009, Irresistible had sold 755,000 copies in the US -> and as of February 2009, had sold 755,000 copies in the US
 * Irresistible debuted at number seventy-five on the Austrian Albums Chart -> Similarly,
 * In Switzerland, the album saw a higher peak of number fifteen. -> Poor prose
 * The Switzerland lines need re-writing as they are confusing
 * and according to Oricon, it has sold 44,580 copies in Japan. -> and according to Oricon, has sold 44,580 copies in Japan.
 * peaked at a position of 103. -> not proper
 * multiplatinum -> Is it written without hyphen in the source?
 * Without a hyphen. Others fixed. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)

Promotion

 * for the celebration of Independence Day -> in celebration of
 * She performed it at -> what?
 * Done. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 15:36, 29 July 2011 (UTC)


 * In December 2001 Simpson -> In December 2001, Simpson
 * [82]The tour
 * explored the Middle East, including Afghanistan. -> I think ventured through is better
 * In late 2001 Simpson performed -> In late 2001, Simpson performed
 * which consisted of thirty dates -> Throughout the US only?
 * In November 2001 Simpson sang -> again. Try to switch it up a bit. Around 4 sentences in this section begin like that
 * All done. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 08:02, 1 August 2011 (UTC)

Singles

 * album,"Irresistible", was
 * critics. Although a few critics
 * Although a few critics called the song a "peppy" number,[98] -> you can't generalize on a quote. Only one critic referred to it as a peppy number
 * Fixed. <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 08:04, 1 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Nice work Mags. This and your off to a pass :)-- CallMe Nathan  &bull;  Talk2Me   07:13, 1 August 2011 (UTC)
 * I haven't addressed one comment, which I will soon. Thanks for such a thorough review :) <b style="font-family:Arial; color:CornflowerBlue;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:DodgerBlue;">talk</b>) 08:04, 1 August 2011 (UTC)