Talk:Irtash/GA2

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 21:27, 9 September 2021 (UTC)

Comments That's all I have. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 11:19, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Avoid single-sentence paras, merge that first "para" into the next.
 * Four para lead is too much for such a modest article, I would recommend two.
 * "until sneaking out" bit colloquial.
 * "moved to Aleppo" link.
 * "atabeg" what's that?
 * "Irtash ibn Tutush was born" no need for bold here.
 * "Map of the Seljuk Empire at..." this is a fragment so need for a full stop.
 * "then sneaked out" not particularly encyclopedic in tone.
 * " general view of..." again, caption is a fragment, so no full stop required.
 * "expel them from Palestine" overlinked.
 * "besieged Bosra, though" likewise.
 * "between Jaffa and " and that.
 * "An 1844 painting..." caption is fragment, no full stop.
 * "a very important victory" POV.
 * "Sevim assumes incorrectly that" I would just remove "incorrectly".
 * "463-549" endash.
 * Ref 5, pp. and en-dash.
 * Everything should be addressed in these edits. However, do you want me to trim the lead down instead of just merging it? It's technically only a two paragraph lead now. &#8211; MJL &thinsp;‐Talk‐☖ 20:26, 11 September 2021 (UTC)