Talk:Iskaq Tjokrohadisurjo/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Golden (talk · contribs) 18:29, 2 August 2023 (UTC)

I'll review this article over the next few days. — Golden  call me maybe? 18:29, 2 August 2023 (UTC)

Lead

 * Originating in - A better word here would be "Born in" or "Hailing from".
 * Changed


 * Wikilink Surakarta.
 * Done


 * What is PNI?
 * De-abbreviated


 * Briefly introduce Sukarno.
 * Done, with "President"

Early life and career

 * Move the wikilink for Javanese people to the word "Javanese" in the phrase His parents were Javanese nobility.
 * Done


 * What is "Perhimpoenan Indonesia"?
 * Nationalist student organization. Added.

Early political career

 * Briefly introduce Sartono, Ali Sastroamidjojo, and Wiryono Kusumo.
 * Added, added, removed


 * The first two sentences could be merged as "..founded the first native Indonesian law office in Batavia.."
 * Fair enough, merged


 * Move the wikilink for Bandung to its first mention.
 * Done


 * whom he thought would fit in better in Bandung - Do we know why he thought this?
 * Not explained in source. I can postulate because Bandung was a much cooler place (temperature wise) for Europeans, but that's WP:RS.


 * When the Indonesian National Party (PNI) was founded in 1927, Iskaq was one of its co-founders - This could be shortened to "Iskaq co-founded the Indonesian National Party (PNI) in 1927.."
 * Updated


 * Briefly introduce Sukarno.
 * "future President" work?


 * Iskaq was arrested due to involvement in PNI - Can you provide some context as to why involvement in PNI became a problem in 1929, when it seemingly wasn’t in 1927?
 * Not sure how to. It could very much have been that it only got big enough to be worrying in 1929, but I could not find this explicitly stated.


 * Briefly introduce Soenario.
 * Added


 * What is Partindo?
 * Will that suffice?


 * Briefly introduce Sudiro.
 * Added


 * It would be helpful to include a brief description of the Renville Agreement.
 * Added.

Cabinet Minister: 1951–1954

 * brought him into conflict with the Masyumi Party - Why? It would be helpful to have some context here.
 * Added


 * Sudiro has already been wikilinked, so the second link should be removed.
 * Done


 * Briefly introduce Daud Beureu'eh.
 * Would that be good?


 * enroll a son - "his son" would be a better choice.
 * Updated

Later career and death

 * Can you provide a brief description of the 30 September Movement?
 * That way?

General comments

 * Earwig's copyvio detector did not detect any copyright violations.
 * Images are relevant and free. The images need US tags.
 * I enjoyed reading this article and look forward to seeing your revisions in response to my points. — Golden  call me maybe? 20:56, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Great work on the changes so far! Do you need more time to complete the remaining edits? — Golden  call me maybe? 16:35, 11 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Yep, give me the weekend, haven’t had the time to go back to the book sources. Juxlos (talk) 00:29, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Of course. Take your time. — Golden  talk 08:30, 12 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I think that's all. Juxlos (talk) 15:46, 14 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I have one more comment: the article has a few cases of false titles (i.e. "parliamentary speaker" instead of "the parliamentary speaker"), which I would recommend fixing if you plan on taking this article further. However, that's too minor of an issue to hold this article any longer, therefore I will be passing. Congratulations! — Golden  talk 20:19, 15 August 2023 (UTC)