Talk:Jackie Robinson Park/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Kncny11 (talk · contribs) 03:20, 2 April 2021 (UTC)

Hello! I'm going to be taking a look at this GAN. Any section that I have marked with a tag means that I haven't finished combing through it yet, but feel free to start addressing comments as soon as they arise!  Kncny11  (shoot) 03:20, 2 April 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lede

 * WL Bandshell
 * The second paragraph is written entirely in passive voice. Two places this can be changed:
 * ""The pool was built by Aymar Embury II" "Aymar Embury II built the pool"
 * "Jackie Robinson Park was designated a city landmark by the New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission in 2007." "The New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission designated Jackie Robinson Park a city landmark in 2007."
 * ✅ I have fixed both of those now. Actually, more accurately, Embury designed the pool, which the WPA workers then constructed. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ I have fixed both of those now. Actually, more accurately, Embury designed the pool, which the WPA workers then constructed. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)

Description

 * replace hyphen with en dash for "west-east axis"
 * Along those lines, I've always heard the phrase as "east-west axis"
 * Technically, it can go either way. I've encountered both of these in geographical descriptions. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * Technically, it can go either way. I've encountered both of these in geographical descriptions. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)

Recreational facilities

 * "along the Bradhurst Avenue end of the park " (eliminate repetition)
 * The names for both playgrounds are the cross street's name spelled out and in Roman numerals. This sentence reads quite awkwardly, but I'm not sure the best way to remedy that.
 * I've rephrased to "The playgrounds are named after their respective cross streets, spelled out and in Roman numerals". Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * Comma after "is at 149th Street"
 * Not keen on the use of the word "pool" twice in the second sentence of the second para
 * "its southern end it is" missing a word there, I think
 * "It is" should've been "is". Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * Two sentences in a row start with the phrase "The former diving pool"
 * "its southern end it is" missing a word there, I think
 * "It is" should've been "is". Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * Two sentences in a row start with the phrase "The former diving pool"

Recreation center

 * WL facade
 * Is the brick in common bond facade the front, the rear, or a different one entirely?
 * That's the material for the whole facade. I've moved that sentence. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * Jackie Robinson is first mentioned here but not formally introduced until the next section
 * I moved the sentence mentioned below to this section. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * I moved the sentence mentioned below to this section. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)

Paths and other structures

 * "black" is lowercase here and capitalized elsewhere
 * I've capitalized it. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * The Negro Leagues are now considered major leagues, so it would be more accurate to say that he was the first Black player in the MLB.

Creation

 * Remove comma after "halfway between St. Nicholas Avenue"
 * I actually was trying to say that it ran between (and parallel to) St. Nicholas Ave to the west and Bradhurst Ave to the east. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * "and later Colonial Pool, were so named"
 * Subject/verb disagreement in the sentence starting "One such development ("Colonial Park Apartments [...] was"). I understand it's one building, can it be rephrased to make those agree?
 * ✅ A lot of buildings in NYC which end with "Apartments" are actually just one building. It's because the "apartments" refers to the residential units in the building, rather than to separate structures. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * "in the early 1930s, it still retained..." to eliminate repetition of "the park"
 * "in the early 1930s, it still retained..." to eliminate repetition of "the park"

Works Progress Administration renovations

 * Fix passive voice in the first sentence
 * "several hundred such projects"
 * move "as part of the New Deal" to after "federal agency created" -- in its current state, can be interpreted that the New Deal created the negative effects of the Depression
 * Repetition of "eleven/11 pools"
 * The Colonial Park Pool was designed with the same equipment as all the other WPA pools. Abrupt topic jump, as it currently stands.
 * The pools were designed with the same equipment, which I think could indicate the pools were not overtly designed with discrimination in mind. I'm trying to determine what exactly Gutman said. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * I removed this sentence because the significance of this information actually wasn't mentioned in the source. Epicgenius (talk) 16:54, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * The Colonial Park Pool was designed with the same equipment as all the other WPA pools. Abrupt topic jump, as it currently stands.
 * The pools were designed with the same equipment, which I think could indicate the pools were not overtly designed with discrimination in mind. I'm trying to determine what exactly Gutman said. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * I removed this sentence because the significance of this information actually wasn't mentioned in the source. Epicgenius (talk) 16:54, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * I removed this sentence because the significance of this information actually wasn't mentioned in the source. Epicgenius (talk) 16:54, 2 April 2021 (UTC)

Decline and renovations

 * "and the same year the park was renamed after Jackie Robinson." "and the park was renamed after Jackie Robinson the same year"
 * WL David Dinkins
 * Move [75] to the end of the sentence
 * Put LPC in parentheses after it's introduced, that way the acronym that comes later in the paragraph follows
 * Move [75] to the end of the sentence
 * Put LPC in parentheses after it's introduced, that way the acronym that comes later in the paragraph follows
 * Put LPC in parentheses after it's introduced, that way the acronym that comes later in the paragraph follows

General comments

 * Earwig score looks good
 * Article is stable (less than a page of revisions total)
 * All images are CC and relevant
 * Thanks for the detailed comments. I've resolved all except one of these now - I'm trying to figure out what Gutman said, and I'm going to add a brief description of these equipment. Epicgenius (talk) 16:03, 2 April 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for doing all of that – looks ready to go!  Kncny11  (shoot) 17:26, 2 April 2021 (UTC)