Talk:Jadovno concentration camp/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Curly Turkey (talk · contribs) 06:13, 12 November 2013 (UTC)

Prose
Feel free to disagree with any of the following feedback—it's not my intention to force a particular style on any article, and of course I may make honest mistakes.

Lead
Removed. Changed to in the NDH. Fixed. Fixed. Added. Added as of 2013.
 * : "located" is redundant
 * : "in the territory of the NDH"
 * : unless it was beside the secluded area, you mean "Established in a secluded area"
 * : "some of them"
 * : need a comma after "2009"
 * : As of?

Background
Done. Done. I've kept the quotes because other GAs that describe the NDH as such use them. Moved the period. Removed. Done. Removed. Removed. Fixed. Done. Removed.
 * : "most of modern"
 * : I'd shorten these all to "modern"
 * : Why the quotes?  I'd drop them unless you have a really good reaon; if you keep them, the period needs to be outside the quote marks.
 * : "subsequently" is redundant
 * : "populations"
 * : "the borders" is redundant
 * : "then" is redundant
 * : "cruelty"
 * : "subsequently" is unnecessary; I'd link as "Cyrillic script" rather than "Cyrillic script"
 * : "purposes" is redundant

Establishment
Done.
 * : "located in the NDH during the war"

Inmates
Fixed.
 * : was Ivica Hiršl the mayor of the town of Koprivnica, or were these two people? If Hiršl was the mayor, I'd reword it "included the mayor of Koprivnica Ivica Hiršl".  Either way, drop "the town of"—we know that a mayor heads a municipality

Operation
Done. What do you think? Done. Removed. Fixed. Done. Done.
 * : I'm surprised to see this in Imperial measures, especially with "one kilometer away" in the same paragraph. At the very least, can we get a convert?
 * : drop "and"
 * : "located" is unnecassary
 * : "would be" to "were"
 * : drop "All of"
 * : delink—"Kingdom of Italy" is already linked in the article

Aftermath
Done. Done.
 * : "disposed of"
 * : delink "concrete" as per WP:OVERLINK

Death toll
Added. Fixed.
 * : who is Paul Mojzes? Why should we care about his numbers?  A qualifier such as "historian Paul Mojzes", "social scientist Paul Mojzes" is needed
 * : take a look at WP:PLUSING

Commemoration
Added that it was just prior to the outbreak of the war in Croatia in the 90's (ethnic tensions, etc.)
 * : any reason given for its removal?

Refs
Done. Added.
 * Sources in non-English languages should be marked as such. As you're using the  template, you should use the "|language=" parameter
 * For books that predate ISBN, you can usually track down an OCLC number (e.g. for Pavelić)
 * DISCLOSURE: I haven't checked the sources directly, as I can see 23 editor is an experienced editor, nothing in the text made me suspicious, and many of the sources are in a language I don't understand.

Images

 * Three images; all have free licenses and are properly tagged.

———Curly Turkey (gobble) 08:40, 12 November 2013 (UTC)

Passed. This looks like a Good Article to me! Curly Turkey (gobble) 03:34, 13 November 2013 (UTC)