Talk:James B. Rosenwald

Article issues
I've placed some tags on this article to alert interested editors (and readers too) that the article needs improvement in certain areas:
 * Neutrality and tone-- The lead sounds self promoting, especially "He and his wife, Laura made a contribution to NYU for the Rosenwald Global Value Student Investment Fund. Every year, a tenth of the fund will be invested in one or more stocks based on recommendations made by the students in his class."
 * Also on WP we don't use first names per WP:SURNAME. So the name Jamie needs to be substituted with Rosenwald.
 * The article overall is too personalized. Its sounds cheery and self promotional. WP requires a dispassionate tone. Here is one example: In 1999, Jamie and former classmate Steve Persky formed Dalton Investments. Today, Dalton Investments oversees approximately $2.6 billion.. a more neutral version would be: Rosenwald co-founded Dalton Investments in 1999.  (info about his company and friend are off topic).
 * Lead -- The lead paragraph is not a place to highlight all the nice things about the person (nor all the bad things) but rather its a brief overview of the article. For an article of this size it should only be 2-3 sentences and speak in general terms and should not include his company AUM, where he teaches etc.
 * -- — Keithbob • Talk  • 17:56, 2 January 2014 (UTC)

Thank you Keith! Very good suggestions! I will try my best to make it meet WP guidelines. Nurseling (talk) 18:08, 2 January 2014 (UTC)tina
 * Sounds good. :-) -- — Keithbob • Talk  • 18:21, 2 January 2014 (UTC)

Hi Keith, I read the article of Arlen Gregorio, and I learned a lot from that article. I have two questions for you: 1. what is a appropriate subtitle for teaching experience in NYU? I want to move that part from Lead paragraph below investment career. 2. How to describe Rosenwald Global Value Student Investment Fund in a less dispassionate way? I feel it is important for the school and students. Thanks a million! TinaZhu-Nurseling (talk) 19:49, 3 January 2014 (UTC)

Hi Keith, I changed the lead paragraph. Please review. TinaZhu-Nurseling (talk) 19:49, 3 January 2014 (UTC)