Talk:James Hood Wright/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Z1720 (talk · contribs) 02:21, 3 July 2021 (UTC)

I will be reviewing this article within the next couple of hours. I have skimmed through the previous GAN, and will be ensuring that comments from that nomination have already been addressed. Please ping me if you have any questions or concerns. Z1720 (talk) 02:21, 3 July 2021 (UTC)


 * "Sarah (Hood) Wright." Is Hood her maiden name? If so, this can be shown as so: "Sarah Wright ( Hood)."


 * "He was educated in the Philadelphia public schools" -> Philadelphia public school system?


 * "and, still a teen-ager, began his life in business as a dry-goods clerk," -> and, as a teenager, became a dry-goods clerk,"


 * "Drexel and Company" did this become Drexel Burnham Lambert? If so, wikilink.


 * "With an intuitive ability to detect counterfeit money," -> "He excelled in detecting counterfeit money" intuitive ability is POV commentary, imo. If this is to remain, state who commentated that he had an intuitive ability.


 * "In 1871, Junius Morgan, wanting to expand his investment bank, fortuitously was connected with the Drexel brothers, whose net worth of $7 million and whose American banks' annual $350,000 in profits made them of interest. Junius formed a partnership with the Drexels and placed his son, J. Pierpont, in command." This is a lot of prose on something that Wright was not directly involved with. Perhaps this can be shortened to, "Wright moved to New York City to work for Drexel, Morgan and Company, the successor firm of Drexel and Company" or something similar.


 * I think the "Drexel and Company" and "Drexel, Morgan and Company" sections can be merged because there's only one paragraph of information in the former and they seem to be essentially the same company.


 * "Pierpont became fed up with the youngest Drexel brother, Joseph, and was heartened when the Drexels suggested Wright," suggested Wright for what? Clarify this in the article.


 * "Wright was one of only six partners: three Philadelphians - Anthony and Francis Drexel and Wright; three New Yorkers - J.P Morgan, Joseph Drexel and John Robinson" Naming the partners isn't necessary because this is an article about Wright, not the company.


 * "By the terms of the agreement, Wright was to invest 5% of the total capital requirement of $200,000.00: $10,000 (equivalent to $216,000 in 2020). In return he would receive 5% of the "net profits."" -> "In order to become partner, Wright provided a $10,000 (equivalent to $216,000 in 2020) investment into the company in exchange for 5% of the company's net profits."


 * "By 1884, the value of partners' shares had grown: Pierpont's to $4.5 million (equivalent to $129,617,000 in 2020) and Wright's to $1 million (equivalent to $28,804,000 in 2020)." Why is it important for the reader to know Pierpont's share value in Wright's biography? If it's not needed, delete.


 * " In 1895, a year after Wright's death, Anthony Drexel died and Pierpont re-organized, dropping the Drexel name. J.P.Morgan and Company evolved over the years into J.P. Morgan Chase, and Morgan Stanley, in which Wright and his descendants could have had a 5% stake." Again, this article is about Wright, not the company, so it should remain focused on Wright. Perhaps this can be changed to, "Wright would keep his investment in the bank until his death."


 * "He was described as among the "ablest" of the Drexel Morgan partners, a company of financiers who "…were rewarded with liberal shares in profits, toiled madly, and died young,"" Who described him in this way?
 * ✅ Removed.


 * "an apt description of Wright's life." Unencyclopedic commentary that can be deleted.
 * ✅ Removed.


 * "In the autumn of 1878, Thomas Edison turned his formidable inventive power on electric light. At the time, most home light was generated by natural gas or candles. In September of that year, he announced that he "…had it." An article in the New York Sun boasted of "…Edison’s newest MARVEL, sending cheap light." Natural gas stocks fell 25-50%. Edison also promised to illuminate Manhattan." This is a lot of detail about something that does not directly relate to Wright's biography. Summarise or delete.


 * "He served as a director of the West Shore Railroad (Weekawken NJ to Buffalo NY)." I don't think the route information here is important and can be deleted.


 * "J. P. Morgan, Wright's partner, had visited Edison in January 1881 to determine whether electric lighting could illuminate a house. Edison assured him it could. The banker responded when he moved to his new house he would buy Edison's electric lighting systems, including a generator. Wright installed Edison incandescent lamps and an electric power generating system before Morgan had his new home finished in autumn 1882." This extended commentary about JP Morgan's visit to Edison is off-topic for an article about Wright. I don't think this is needed as it goes into WP:TRIVIA


 * "Wright married Mary P. Robinson, widow of John M. Robinson, his partner of Drexel, Morgan & Co., at Philadelphia's Arch Street Methodist Episcopal Church on March 1, 1881" This sentence is a little clunky because it is trying to say too much information in one sentence. Perhaps, "Wright married Mary P. Robinson at Philadelphia's Arch Street Methodist Episcopal Church on March 1, 1881. She was the widow of John M. Robinson, his partner at Drexel, Morgan & Co."


 * Perhaps change "Personal life" to "Personal life and death" so that the reader knows where info about his death is?


 * In general, there were many places where there was a space between the punctuation and a reference. Per WP:CITEFOOT, the space should be removed.

Those are my comments. Please ping me if you have any questions or concerns. Z1720 (talk) 03:12, 3 July 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for review. Will start to address the issues as soon as possible.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:07, 3 July 2021 (UTC)
 * All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:01, 3 July 2021 (UTC)

Hi, some concerns below:

Thanks for your work so far on this article. Those are my followups. Z1720 (talk) 04:15, 4 July 2021 (UTC)
 * "Career as investment banker and director" Can this be shortened to "Business career" or just "Career"?
 * I won't fail the article for this, but please consider if "Edison Electric Illuminating Company" and "Railroads" should have their own sections or be merged into one section, perhaps called "Company director" or just "Director"
 * The Edison company sign is very small and is difficult to determine what the image is. I suggest removing "upright 0.5|" from the coding, which seems to fix this problem.
 * The caption for the image mentioned above should mention that the sign is for Edison's company.
 * "Wright was instrumental in founding the Knickerbocker Hospital (J. Hood Wright Memorial Hospital) in New York's Manhattanville district." How was he instrumental? Did he secure funding, help get permits, got political support, etc.? Also, is Manhattanville the same as Manhattanville, Manhattan? If so, it should be added.
 * "Wright donated the land for the eponymous J. Hood Wright Park in New York City, " Any idea when?
 * All additional issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:12, 4 July 2021 (UTC)

My concerns have been addressed. This article is promoted to GA. Congrats! Z1720 (talk) 15:41, 4 July 2021 (UTC)