Talk:James John Joicey/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 11:01, 13 April 2020 (UTC)

Comments
 * Great, thanks, very helpful. Comments below without replies have been implemented in the article; replies/explanations have been added where relevant. (Apologies for the dashes, I did check a number of times while working on this article last year but the wrong ones do seem to keep creeping in!) ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "an enormous collection" slight tone issue there, I would go for "extensive" perhaps.
 * No need to link common terms like "museum".
 * "held in private hands" held privately.
 * "and to have numbered " no need for "to have" here.
 * " of the following learned societies: " no need for this at all.
 * " by the Natural History Museum, London. " no need to link London. And perhaps say "in London" rather than ", London."
 * Not keen on the formatting of that quote in the lead, just put it inline? And I would attribute it too.
 * " of Major William James Joicey, a " etc, no external links inline please.
 * "née Clark.[7][8][5] " ref order.
 * "1921-1932[1][2][3][4]" en-dash, not hyphen. And four references??
 * The references cover each of the four volumes of the Bulletin and provide links to them all in one place for easy reference. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "at The Hill in " that is one heck of an Easter egg link.
 * Agreed, link removed. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * In footnote [a], "He is also listed in London electoral registers from 1920 to 1925 at Marble Arch as Admiral Joicey." is unreferenced.
 * Thanks, reference added. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "at age sixteen he " either "at the age of sixteen" or "at sixteen" sounds more natural to this BritEng ear.
 * No need to link British. I'm not even particularly convinced you need to link butterfly but since the article relates, I can let that one slide.
 * "Europe, India, China, Japan, Burma and America"" no need for all these to be linked. Common geographical places.
 * "£10,000 a year " any chance of inflating this so we can judge it against today's standards?
 * Value estimates added. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "(council member 1920—1923),[20][16] " ref order and that should be an en-dash, not an em-dash.
 * "be a man of leisure" a little colloquial for an encyclopedia.
 * Revised text. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "the exorbitant interest rates" again, a little POV in tone.
 * Deleted "exorbitant". ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "By 1919, Joicey was spending nearly £10,000 a year on the collection..." you already said this.
 * Deleted. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "Mr. Joicey was also generous" the article has quite a few quotes, in different formats. This one, who said it?  I'm not sure how much it adds to the encyclopedic content of the article.
 * Deleted quote. Other quotes attributed. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "head keeper" what's that?
 * Revised to "head curator". ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * If you wish to link estate, do it on the first usage.
 * "aged 61.[41][42][14]" ref order.
 * "The primary object " no attribution for this quote.
 * "assistants.[51][6]" ref order.
 * "c.1913" space after circa. I think using the circa template enforces this.
 * "1918—1920 endash not emdash again.
 * ""over eighty feet long by twenty feet wide"" not sure why this needs to be in quotes. It's pure fact.
 * I would like to leave this as a quote as it is the estimate given by the author of the cited source and may or may not be accurate. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * feet/miles/inches, all could use conversion to metric.
 * "Joicey Collection Examples" examples lower case.
 * Type (biology) is overlinked.
 * " London.[14][58][46][59]" ref order.
 * "295-301" etc, page ranges should be en-dash, not hyphen.
 * Same for year ranges, e.g. "1929-1940" in the refs.
 * "Obituary - Mr. J. J. Joicey - Gifts to " en-dashes. Check others.
 * All dashes checked in Source View. ~ RLO1729&#128172;

That's a first quick pass. Once we've addressed these issues, I'll give it a more thorough going over. So, it's on hold for now. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 11:11, 14 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Thanks again, let me know if I've missed anything. Looking forward to the next iteration. ~ RLO1729&#128172; 14:06, 14 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Still a few external links being used inline there... The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 14:44, 14 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Fixed, thanks. Also thanks for your recent direct edits. ~ RLO1729&#128172; 15:06, 14 April 2020 (UTC)


 * "his 1922 book on" this is still an inline external link.
 * Hmmm - missed it because it doesn't show as an external link on the page and its URL doesn't start with http. Fixed now. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "The Bulletin of the Hill Museum, 1921–1932[1][2][3][4] and Alfred George Gabriel[55] published " feels like something is missing from here, e.g. "with". And there probably needs to be a comma after 1932.   I  would also move [55] to the end of the sentence because with the red link and the mid-sentence ref, it looks unpleasant.
 * Revised. ~ RLO1729&#128172;


 * "Butterflies from the Joicey collection i" this is a fragment so no full stop.  Also, for consistency, shouldn't that be Collection rather than collection?
 * Done, and made all "collection"s lower case as there isn't really an entity called the "Joicey Collection". ~ RLO1729&#128172; 00:31, 16 April 2020 (UTC)

The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 14:26, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

There was an issue with references which I HOPE I've fixed. Please do double check that I haven't blown anything. Otherwise, I'm more than happy with this so I'm promoting now. Cheers, good work. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 08:40, 16 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Many thanks. I've checked and everything seems in order. Your edits have been very helpful and it has been a pleasure working with you. ~ RLO1729&#128172; 08:49, 16 April 2020 (UTC)