Talk:Jan Jacobszoon Hinlopen

Assessment
I have rated this article start, but I think it is getting close to B. I use the military history criteria to illustrate improvements. I think it comes mainly down to writing style: When that is done I think the article should qualify for B class. Good luck Arnoutf 17:53, 17 October 2007 (UTC)
 * 1)  Referencing and citation: No problems, well sourced
 * 2)  Coverage and accuracy: This seems ok for B class, although development of information on his actual life and times may be increased
 * 3)  Structure: The lead section should be increased. Also section titles should not start with "on", and should not refer to "his" when talking about the main person in the article
 * 4)  Grammar and Style: Writing style is not always encyclopedic, and some copyedit may help
 * 5)  Supporting materials: Some kind of image / info box of the person would be helpful in the lead.


 * For the record, it's been great watching this article grow. I first noticed it while patrolling newpages, and put it on my watchlist out of curiosity, only to see it expand at ludicrous speed. Kudos to the primary contributors for their embiggening of Wikipedia with such cromulent submissions. --Agamemnon2 12:00, 18 October 2007 (UTC)
 * I agree, after my previous assessment (only a few days ago) the article has been significantly improved, therefore I am now happy to reassess it to B-class. Well done. If you keep up the improvement pace you are getting ready for a Good Article in a reasonable time span. I would further improve referencing for Good Article (now you have many section with only a single reference). I would also critically review one paragraph sections (e.g. death). Some more copy-edit and proofreading on English would benefit the article. And you should consider the red-wikilinks. Also (if you can) I would advice to use a many English sources as possible, some GA reviewers do not like 'foreign' language sources, so be ready to defend your choice of Dutch refs. Contentwise I am no expert, so I cannot say much there.
 * As Good Article is a Wiki review and not a project assessment you have to nominate the article (see WP:GA how to) when you think you are ready for it. Cheers Arnoutf 09:17, 20 October 2007 (UTC)

Death section
The Death section as it is now is not very good. The English is not ok (of rather stocky (what does this mean?) and "Jan too had fallen victim to the plague" Too??? nobody else is mentioned so too is not a good word here). Also the second half of the section is about the plague while it is not clear Hinlopen died from it, thus placing too much emphasis on the plague, not on Hinlopen, this should be reduced. Arnoutf 11:51, 21 October 2007 (UTC)

Trivia in texts
There is a tendency to include irrelevant trivia in the text. E.g. Hofstede de Groot thinkin the Metsu painting boring is completely irrelevant for this article (although not necessarily for the of Metsu). Similarly that Hinlopens duaghter was almost blind when she died is not relevant for Hinlopen himself, and neither for what happened to his inheretence. Please keep the focus on what this article is about. J.J. Hinlopen and his art collection. Other information should not be in this, but in the relevant other articles. Thanks Arnoutf 13:26, 4 November 2007 (UTC)

External links modified
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