Talk:Japanese battleship Hyūga/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Gog the Mild (talk · contribs) 07:10, 23 February 2018 (UTC)

Hi. I will be starting this review shortly. Gog the Mild (talk) 07:10, 23 February 2018 (UTC)

Criteria
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 * (b).



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Discussion
Please add any related discussion here.
 * Cleaned out the overlinks and moved the gallery pictures into the main body.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:11, 23 February 2018 (UTC)


 * Thanks. Some queries and suggestions on the prose.
 * "here she decoyed the American carrier fleet". "here she helped to decoy..."?
 * "Hyūga participated in Operation Kita, where she transported petrol". "when" or "during which" instead of "when"?
 * "The ship was then reduced to reserve until she". I am not sure here, but in the UK we would write "the reserve".
 * "The Ise class was designed as improved versions of the preceding Fusō class." "an improved version" - class is singular.
 * "despite the additional weight added." You only need one of additional or added.
 * "On 29 August, the ship began the first of numerous patrols off the Siberia coast". Siberian coast or coast of Siberia.
 * "her No. 5 turret exploded... The turret was deemed not repairable and was removed." A little later: "The ship's No. 5 and No. 6 turrets were replaced by a hangar surmounted by a flight deck." At which point was No. 5 turret removed?
 * Aichi E16A. It may be worth pointing out at first mention that they are float planes?
 * Minor: "Hyūga became the flagship of the Fourth Carrier Division, now commanded by the recently promoted Rear Admiral Matsuda, two days later." reads a bit oddly. Maybe put "two days later at the start?
 * "Two days later, the 634th Naval Air Group was reassigned to the Second Air Fleet and began flying to bases in Southern Kyushu, among these were nine D4Ys and a dozen E16As assigned to Ise and Hyūga." A clunky sentence. Possibly break at the comma?
 * How about a semi-colon instead of the comma?
 * "were assigned to the Main Body of the 1st Mobile Fleet" Is there any reason why main body is capitalised?
 * Hackett capitalizes it. It's actually hard to figure out from the sources whether Main Body is a formal sub-division of the 1st Mobile Fleet or just a name for the main force.
 * "but the battleship is not a primary target." was, not is.
 * "Fragments from near misses by bombs damage the ship's anti-torpedo blister". damaged.
 * Personally I wouls change "(0.99 mi)" to "1 mi)".
 * "Hyūga was reduced to first-class reserve." Again UK usage would have a "the".
 * "Kusagawa was one of the over 200 sailors killed and 600 wounded by the attack." Was Kusagawa killed or wounded?
 * Thanks for your thorough review. I've followed most of your suggestions, see if things work for you where I've gone my own way.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 03:07, 24 February 2018 (UTC)


 * That's fine. More than fine. You resolved everything I consider important, plus a couple of things which I noticed but didn't think serious enough to flag up at GA level, plus a couple I hadn't noticed. It reads very well now I think.