Talk:Japanese cruiser Yūbari/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: CaptainEek (talk · contribs) 22:18, 10 May 2023 (UTC)

Review by CaptainEek
Hiya Sturmvogel, nicely done! Mostly nitpicks here. That's all I can see, fix those up and it should be good to go! Now to go play a couple of games of World of Warships in the Yubari :P CaptainEek Edits Ho Cap'n!⚓ 22:18, 10 May 2023 (UTC)
 * "hull weights while strengthening it" reads a bit odd. I'd suggest instead "hull's weight while strengthening it" so that it is more clear what the it is.
 * "Completed in 1923" needs a comma after it
 * "she crippled an American heavy cruiser and a destroyer." which ones?
 * Remember that the lead is a summary of the article, with details left for the main body
 * Specify the sub that sank her in the lead
 * "The funnel was raised by 2 meters (6 ft 7 in) to reduce the amount of exhaust gases reaching the bridge and fire-control director at high speed in 1924." I'd clarify that it was raised to further reduce the amount of exhaust gases, since you already mention the funnel design earlier on. I would also move the "in 1924" closer to the start of the sentence, either "was raised in 1924", or just start the sentence with it.
 * Not to toot my own articles, but I'd wikilink ship's armor to naval armour
 * At the end of the first paragraph of the protection section, you say Sendais, but the s isn't italicized. That looks...weird. I'd either italicize it, or just say the Sendai class again. Alternatively, you could change the wording to allow the use of a possessive and thus an apostrophe which would be better visually.
 * "under the command Captain" under the command of
 * In the construction section, you again mention the funnel raising. Its getting repetitive. I'd either acknowledge that you've mentioned it before, or just leave it for the earlier sections.
 * "after the rioting had begun that prefaced the" I'm not so sure that I would mention the rioting here, because without further context it makes it seem like the Japanese engagement was justified, when it fact it was an astroturfing move by the Japanese. I thinking noting that it responded to the Shanghai incident would be sufficient.
 * "The squadron make a training cruise" made, not make
 * I could be wrong here, but shouldn't "She was reduced to reserves" be the reserves?
 * Or just plain reserve, which is what it should be been
 * Any sort of picture in construction or career would be nice, even if not directly of her. Perhaps a photo of the Sasebo arsenal where she was laid down, or of the ships she crippled at Savo Island. A photo the Bluegill might also be good, as the ship that sunk her.
 * All of the decent photos of Bluegill are from the 1950s after she had been received the Guppy modifications
 * "at position 05°20′N 132°16′E" I would try to also put that into some more specific context, such as "off Dongosaru island," as Palau is a pretty wide range of sea.
 * Plotting the location, it's a long way away from any piece of land, like at least 60 miles.
 * Cite 6 should be pp, not just p
 * Somebody else already fixed that
 * "two twin-gun mounts for 25 mm weapons." needs convert template
 * converted earlier in the modification section
 * Draft in infobox, could there be a wikilink for "deep load"? I admit to not being familiar with the term
 * Done
 * Complement in infobox: any breakdown on how many enlisted vs. officers?
 * Not that I can find
 * Thanks for taking the time for your thorough review. See if my changes are satisfactory.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 11:26, 12 May 2023 (UTC)
 * @Sturmvogel 66 Works for me, that's a pass. Glad you found another pic of the Yubari itself. Keep up the good work! CaptainEek Edits Ho Cap'n!⚓ 19:31, 12 May 2023 (UTC)