Talk:Japanese ironclad Kōtetsu/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 13:02, 20 August 2020 (UTC)

Hi, I will take this on shortly Eddie891 Talk Work 13:02, 20 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Comments
 * IMO the end of the lede could use a sentence summing up the final fate of the ship (sold for scrap in 1889)
 * Quite right and also needs a summary of her post-Boshin War career.
 * "Sphinx was 165 feet 9 inches" What's the reasoning behind saying 'sphinx' here?
 * It's a question of which name to use; I couldn't decide and just left it as it was originally. Which one do you think is the most logical?
 * I think the image caption would benefit as "Azuma at anchor in Yokosuka, Japan", given how many countries the ship was in.
 * "However, the Japanese removed one" I don't think 'however' meshes very well here, suggest nixing.
 * "Watts states only 95 t (93 long tons) of coal" is this 95 t for the full load, for 3,000 nm or for something else? Any idea the reason for the discrepancy
 * I think that the older sources didn't have much access to Japanese- or Danish-language publications and have preferred to use more recent ones for technical stuff.
 * I'd like to see a link to the American Civil War in the article body
 * If linked in the lede, I only bother with main body links for very long articles, of which this isn't one.
 * maybe link Ironclad in the body?
 * " easily than other potential secret contractors" can you expand on this? Were these potential secret contractors also French? Who else could they have been? Or do we just not know
 * Several ships were ordered from Britain, but AFAIK, the Confederates made no efforts to use any other builders in France, so I'm not exactly sure what Case & Spencer are referring to.
 * "named Cheops and Sphynx" Is this the same ship you call 'sphinx' above?
 * Typo
 * link Egyptian Navy?
 * link Shakedown cruise?
 * link Danish Naval Ministry?
 * Ferrol is a disambiguation link
 * It's unclear to me exactly how the confederates got control of the ship. Did they purchase it? Commandeer it?
 * Yeah, that could be considered important ;-)
 * "where permanent repairs took several months" I honestly feel this would read better in its own sentence
 * " declined to fight" how, exactly, does a ship 'decline' to fight?
 * By not moving within gun range, which was very short in those days. Usually much less than 1000 meters (.62 miles).
 * " The money was not paid until 2 November" not paid by who?
 * "the Stonewall required" Do you mean to have 'the' here
 * "The first Union ships arrived " maybe "Union ships (first) arrived" to avoid the implication that the ships were the first Union ships.
 * "Page decided to turn her over" IMO it's worth clarifying who 'her' refers to here?
 * If you link Confederate you should link Union
 * link Washington Navy Yard
 * Linked a caption above.
 * "discovered the Stonewall in the Washington Navy Yard" do you need 'the' here?
 * "Acting envoy" -> "Acting envoy to the United States" for clarity's sake?
 * "for the price of US$400,000" why "US$" here when you use "$" above?
 * " which included stopping the delivery of military material, including " can you eliminate the repetition of include here? No big deal if this is the best way to phrase it
 * "The ship had actually arrived" I'd suggest cutting 'actually' and/or replacing with 'initially', but maybe "the ship had arrived"
 * "In the meantime, " unclear what this is in the meantime of
 * "Imperial Japanese Navy" link?
 * "during the Naval Battle of Miyako Bay," Is 'naval' really needed here?
 * "as a third-class warship" meaning...?
 * Not sure, the source doesn't specify
 * "Sold for scrap, 12 December 1889" the date is neither mentioned nor sourced in the article
 * That's mostly it-- a very good article overall, just some minor (mainly subjective) comments as usual. Eddie891 Talk Work 19:55, 24 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your most thorough review. See if my changes are satisfactory.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 12:41, 26 August 2020 (UTC)
 * Looks good. Sources I checked lined up, images look good to me, otherwise meets the GA Criteria. I'm fine with 'Sphinx' in the first section... Passing. Eddie891 Talk Work 13:27, 29 August 2020 (UTC)