Talk:Jason McElwain/GA1

GA Review
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This is pretty good overall. I went and fixed most copyedit issues, though double check to make sure I didn't miss any. However, here are some things I'd fix:
 * "...but began to develop social skills as he progressed to a higher age." This statement just sounds wrong. Maybe "as he grew older" or something along those lines?
 * Done -- Mr.crabby    (Talk)   21:49, 1 October 2008 (UTC)


 * The reaction section has a lot of paragraphs beginning with dates. Fix this so it doesn't feel proselineish.
 * How about now? -- Mr.crabby    (Talk)   21:49, 1 October 2008 (UTC)


 * McElwain "had a tear in my eye." Um.. maybe "had a tear in [his] eye." would be better?
 * Done -- Mr.crabby    (Talk)   21:49, 1 October 2008 (UTC)


 * Restructure wherever there's one sentence paragraphs. Can't have those.
 * Done -- Mr.crabby    (Talk)   21:49, 1 October 2008 (UTC)

Otherwise, this seems good. Shouldn't take more than a week to fix this little bit. Wizardman 20:07, 1 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Good, however the dates didn't have to be removed completely, just meshed in with the paragraphs. Wizardman  00:34, 2 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Better now? -- Mr.crabby    (Talk)   01:08, 2 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Yup. I don't see any other problems, so I'll pass this. Wizardman  19:12, 2 October 2008 (UTC)