Talk:Jeff Bagwell/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 18:53, 3 September 2016 (UTC)

I'll give this a review. A heads up, it will take a little while due to the length of the article, so I'll probably just do a couple sections or so a day until completed. Wizardman 18:53, 3 September 2016 (UTC)


 * Thank you, Wizardman, for your assistance here. No problem about the probable pace.  I'll try to keep up! Elcid.ruderico (talk) 21:49, 3 September 2016 (UTC)

Starting with the lead, early life, and the tables, as well as an image check:
 * I'm not sure of the significance of the "New England Player of the Year" award, given that i can't really find much of anything on it.
 * Great point! Search results lead to definite ambiguity.  Removing it. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 00:27, 9 September 2016 (UTC)

Now thru 1994, here's some more:
 * "1989 Major League Baseball draft, much, of course, to the delight of Bagwell's family." the much of course part really isn't necessary, same later on in the section.
 * Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 02:29, 12 September 2016 (UTC)
 * While the trade was significant, this gets a little bit too bogged down in the details here; the first sentence of the last paragraph isn't needed, for example, since Andersen becoming a free agent was already noted earlier.
 * Modified. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 02:29, 12 September 2016 (UTC)
 * "Other players that the Astros later acquired whose names started with the letter B also were included in this distinction, including Derek Bell, Sean Berry, Lance Berkman,[19] and Carlos Beltrán.[20]" I'm fine with the Killer B's noted for Bagwell and Biggio, since that was well-noted, but this sentence again seems tangential for the 'lead-in' to the Astros section (conversely, I'm okay with the mentions later on).
 * Redone. That will be it for today, so I will attempt to pick up more tomorrow. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 02:29, 12 September 2016 (UTC)
 * I went further with this edit, creating a footnote about players besides Bagwell and Biggio included in the Killer B's distinction. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:29, 13 September 2016 (UTC)
 * "so absurdly productive it was that he set" I'm seeing this tone issue a lot more often than I should in an article at GAN, can't be doing that. It's a top 50 individual season yes, but show it through the numbers/accolades/sources rather than just saying it (the one of the greatest performances claim would need a source anyway).
 * I edited this out. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:29, 13 September 2016 (UTC)
 * at bat isn't hyphenated, fix those two in 1994 (i always thought it was myself until relatively recently)
 * Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:29, 13 September 2016 (UTC)
 * The Frank Thomas footnote on the MVP strikes me as unnecessary.
 * Edited out. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:29, 13 September 2016 (UTC)
 * The last couple paragraphs seem to get bogged down in increasingly tangential stats that seem gradually less necessary. In particular, unless you're going to strongly source the extrapolation to 162 games, that shouldn't be in the article, especially given that he got injured right before the strike, kinda defeating the 'what-if' scenario. His numbers leading off an inning aren't really necessary either. The key is to limit to the main figures noting the significance, bogging down the reader too much hurts more than it helps (and this is coming from a numbers guy).
 * I edited out some of the splits in addition to the ones you asked. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:29, 13 September 2016 (UTC)
 * I moved the awards mentions to the final paragraph of the section. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:29, 13 September 2016 (UTC)
 * A minor thing i missed originally, but ref #50 has a section ignored flag, which can probably be cut out of the ref (if you can replace it with a page number instead, that would be ideal, but if not then it's not a deal breaker).
 * Fixed; ref #50 is now #47. I found a digital copy of the article so I replaced the print version of the reference with that.  Also, thanks for highlighting this one, as I had misquoted the wrong last name of the author!

Going to stop here until 1994 in particular is cleaned up, then will progress once fixed. Wizardman 17:07, 10 September 2016 (UTC)

I don't know if you recall doing a GA review of Stan Benjamin, Wizardman, but I stumbled on the part where he had scouted Bagwell for the Astros. I thought it would be a neat mention to include in the Bagwell article. 00:25, 17 September 2016 (UTC)
 * The changes look good, so I'll restart reading through it ideally tomorrow (meant to this weekend, but had an article i suddenly had an urge to get to GAN, so I was out of commission). As an aside, never noticed the insanely low power numbers for New Britain before, and REALLY never noticed that Eric Wedge of all people hit more home runs than Bagwell in that season. Wizardman  00:03, 20 September 2016 (UTC)
 * Now that you mentioned it, that was flat out dead-ball era production for that club; Bags' slash line compared to the rest of New Britain was otherworldly. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 01:03, 23 September 2016 (UTC)

Continuing onward, 1994 through 2000:
 * The Dierker quote is interesting, but the second part especially seems overly tangential, mainly since the relationship between Bagwell and management is not mentioned in the article again.
 * Rewritten to reflect the team's results while Dierker was manager. 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
 * " Bagwell scored 109 runs and batting average dropped to .286, but his home run total increased to 43, and bolstered 135 RBI – both second in the league – and he finished third in the MVP balloting." This reads really oddly to me for some reason, rewrite.
 * Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
 * "– one of the league's highest-accomplished pitchers that year[66] –" true, but not really needed here.
 * Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
 * "he tied a career-high in one game with six RBI." flipping it would sound a bit better - 'he tied a career-high with six RBI in one game'.
 * Changed. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
 * "The only other infielders in major league history who had had multiple 30–30 seasons as of 2011" Avoid dated statements, and i don't really think this is needed anyway.
 * Edited out. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)

Going to try and push myself to do the rest of the article next run-through. Wizardman 02:12, 24 September 2016 (UTC)

And managed to find time to do the rest now:
 * "the only player in MLB history register six" to register
 * Added. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
 * "The Astros won the Central division title" technically should be "NL Central"
 * Added. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
 * "he hit his first career postseason home off" home run
 * Added. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
 * "Of course, his mere presence " rm the of course
 * Removed. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
 * "Neither was he summonsed for" summoned
 * Changed. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 16:50, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
 * The agent being in the personal life section feels odd; see if you can find somewhere in the playing career to include that.
 * Because a player hires an agent as one of his first moves as a professional (as far as I know), I moved that information immediately following the draft facts. In addition, I found some other "personal life"-type of information, so I included it in that section. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 18:02, 25 September 2016 (UTC)

That's all I found. I'll put the article on hold and will pass once everything's fixed. Wizardman 14:59, 25 September 2016 (UTC)

Everything looks good now, so I'll pass this article as a GA. Wizardman  23:26, 25 September 2016 (UTC)