Talk:Jenny Dearborn

Peer Review by Bpp2
1. I think overall the structure of the article is really good. The headings and subheadings made the information really easy to find because it was all labelled. I also think the majority the language used was neutral/unbiased. The lead highlighted the main points about the subject so I thought that was done really well. 2. The first change I would suggest would be maybe to move the last couple sentences in the early life section to early career or SAP. I think it might make more sense to talk about her activism and revealing her disabilities in her work environment when you're speaking about her work. I think this would improve the flow of info. and make it feel more chronological. Some of the sentences are a little difficult to read/fully understand, so I think changing some wording to be more concise would help make the article easier to read. Also there are some places without citations, like in the Books and Other Works section there isn't a citation for the first 2 sentences so I think adding those would make it easier to explore the sources. 3. I think the most important improvement would just be to make sure you're writing the information in the most clear way possible. I think you're really good at writing things in an unbiased way, so you already have that, just the way some sentences are structured could be changed or broken up to make it easier to understand. 4.I thought the way you structured your article was really good and I think it would definitely help my groups article to make it as structured and well-organized as yours. 5. The change I made was to a sentence in the lead section. It was in the section about the Actionable Analytics Group. I just removed redundancy and changed the wording of the sentence a little. Bpp2 (talk) 16:22, 13 November 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review by Vanessaba
1. I really like the way everything is organized in this article. The different sections are very specific and contain enough information to be able to make it an individual heading or subheading. It is also very notable to see that the article is unbiased and gives clear facts about the person’s life. 2. I would recommend looking over the article and fixing some of the sentence structure and grammar that make some sentences a little confusing. For example, the sentence “At the age of 18, while working at her community college’s front desk, Dearborn was recommended to get tested, and was then, officially diagnosed with severe dyslexia, ADHD, and later, mild OCD” is pretty wordy with a lot of commas. My suggestion would be to break up the sentence a bit more so that it makes sense and you don’t have to use that many commas. 3. The most important thing that would improve this article is the revising sentence structure and wordiness because other than that, the content of the article itself is really great in my opinion. It is very well written, and it contains quite a bit of information because of the various sources that were cited. 4. Your organization is something my group could use as an example to apply to our article since this article is very well written and put together. 5. I went ahead and edited the sentence I mentioned in the beginning just to see what you think. You can change it back if you prefer your original sentence! Vanessaba (talk) 04:19, 14 November 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review by Michael J
1. This article is written very well. It's easy to understand and provides a well-rounded description of this person's life. 2. When I looked at this page a few days ago, there were a few grammatical and spelling errors but they have since been fixed. 3. I think any more information that could be added would be extremely useful in beefing up your article without the use of wordiness. 4. Your group has this page divided up into sections that our group could take inspiration from. Our page is a little disorganized but by using yours as an example we can make it better. 5. I made an edit last Friday just correcting a small grammar mistake in the SAP category.

Peer Review by C.suaste
1. I love the amount of sources you guys were able to find. The way you guys structures the information to go as a step by step of her life is great! It really helps everything come together in your article. The overall structure is very good with the various labels and information you gathered. 2. Although your overall structure is great, I feel like the way certain sentences could be structured better to flow more smoothly. Mainly throughout the SAP section of the article and current occupation portion. There could be a better choice of words every here and there which would give your article a more professional feel and more put together. 3. I think a higher focus on word choice and flow of your sentences would lead to an even better article than you already have. You guys do a great job of organizing everything by category and if you focus more on attempting to use a wider vocabulary then I think it could really pull your whole article together! 4. My group could definitely take inspiration from your guys overall structure and forming the article as more of a step by step story of their life rather than just fitting all the information where it feels like it would go. 5. I changed a couple words every here and there to give your article some variety! I didn’t change any overall sentences so don’t worry, no information was lost! C.suaste (talk 13:03, 17 November 2020 (UTC)

Article outdated and could use more details
I think this does a good job of summarizing the subject's life and career. However, it is a bit outdated as she has since been announced as the Chief People Officer at Klaviyo according to press releases and news stories in the past year. It could also be more specific regarding her past roles which, according to LinkedIn, are "Chief Talent Officer and EVP of Human Resources" at SAP, and a C-level executive at SuccessFactors, Sun Microsystems, and Hewlett-Packard.

While she was acknowledged as indeed acknowledged as one of the top 50 most powerful women in tech, it would be useful to include the naming committee (National Diversity Council), and updated to reflect that she was named one of the top 50 most powerful women in tech in year 2014, 2015, 2016, and 2018 in addition to 2017. Similarly, the mention of her win as "Female Executive of the Year" is a bit vague, and according to news stories published online, it would be more accurate to refer to it as the "Stevie Award for Female Executive of the Year."

This sentence could be improved in terms of grammar: "She is part of many organizations as she is also on the Board of Directors for the Association for Talent Development, Plum, TheatreWorks and the Commonwealth Club. With her involvements, she is able to stay involved in several communities." I also could not find that she was on the Board of Directors for the Association of Talent Development, only that she was on their Board. According to LinkedIn, she is also on the boards of companies Gnowbe, Eightfold, Hone, BetterUp, and Fond, in addition to the aforementioned Plum.

Early Life
This seems worded a bit informally: "but she and her family soon moved to Davis, California where she received K-12 education." Perhaps it would be better to say "Dearborn was born in Marin, California, before moving at a young age to Davis, California where she received her K-12 education."

While many stories I've found mention that she was indeed misunderstood by her teachers, I'm unable to find citations that specify they insulted her outright. There are some details here (regarding her experience with learning disabilities and how they affected her) that read a bit subjective and I think could be summarized better or improved to sound less redundant.

Education
This section seems correct, according to the subject's LinkedIn, but it looks like this is also in need of some updates as her LinkedIn mentioned that she received a Certificate in Corporate Board Governance from Harvard in 2019 and attended the Stanford Law School Director’s College at the Rock Center for Corporate Governance in 2018.

Career
For "Current occupation," perhaps this should be updated to reflect that Dearborn was announced as Chief People Officer at Klaviyo, a Boston-based marketing automation company, on February 18, 2021.

Other accomplishments
Where it says "She was awarded Female Executive of the Year in 2017 and received the Athena Leadership Award," perhaps it should be more specific and have better sentence structure. i.e. "She was awarded the Stevie Female Executive of the Year in 2017, as well as the Athena Leadership Award." Ms. Dearborn was also recognized by Financial Times on their list of "Top 20 Global Executive LGBT Allies" in 2017.

StephPriscilla (talk) 00:27, 9 March 2021 (UTC)