Talk:Jenny Schecter/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:05, 24 November 2010 (UTC)
 * I will make some comments on this by the end of the weekend.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:05, 24 November 2010 (UTC)


 * The WP:LEAD needs to be reformatted as 2 or 3 paragraphs (possibly one paragraph summarizing each section below). --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:05, 26 November 2010 (UTC)✅
 * Link New York on first use, not second and third. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:19, 26 November 2010 (UTC)✅
 * You also need to link The New Yorker. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:15, 28 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Where is The New Yorker mentioned? I can't see it, think I'm having a blindspot. I've looked through a few times. RAIN..the..ONE  HOTLINE 22:49, 28 November 2010 (UTC)
 * Ctrl-f it.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:53, 28 November 2010 (UTC)✅


 * Character development
 * "Jenny is based on series creator Ilene Chaiken's past experiences from when she was younger" begs the questions What experiences? and What aspects of Jenny? ✅
 * New York Magazine, not Magazine New York. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:19, 26 November 2010 (UTC)✅
 * "Throughout her duration Jenny went on a journey which saw her transform into a selfish egotist and many observers have perceived her as a narcissist" comma follwing duration and journey. ✅
 * Where is the leading quote for "They also observe her as looking fabulous, fun, and sexy but her downfall is her annoying side." Also comma after sexy if you don't want to make it a new sentence. ✅
 * "whiny egomaniac" period ✅
 * Of her character's changes after season five comma ✅
 * Responding to the criticism Jenny has received comma --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:50, 26 November 2010 (UTC)✅


 * Storylines
 * Please spell out and link MFA. ✅
 * Is Iowa affiliated with the University of Iowa in this use. If so, please link and spell that out. ✅
 * Lets write this all in a constant tense. I guess I would prefer past.
 * Comment - As the storylines are discussing the fiction taking place, it's meant to be present tense, as it can happen over and over again. If it was put in past tense, it would therefore suggest these things happened to Jenny, making her seem like a living person. RAIN..the..ONE  HOTLINE 17:45, 28 November 2010 (UTC)


 * "She won a major literary award and has had one of her short stories published, she meets a man named Tim Haspel (Eric Mabius) who she moves to Los Angeles to start a new life with." should be split into two sentences or conjoined with a conjunction after correction for tense. ✅
 * I think the story lines should clarify which season each thing happened. I would dedicate one paragraph to each season and say which season was which. ✅
 * "She becomes best friends with Shane when Tim moves out, she moves in with her." split or conjoin✅
 * Jenny starts having flashbacks of her childhood where it is revealed she was sexually abused. Probably change where to in which.✅
 * Jenny starts writing another book and writing classes to improve. This sentence is not conjoined in parallel structure because writing is two different parts of speach in these two uses. The way it is currently constructed both clauses are dependent upon the noun-verb Jenny starts with the meaning the same as the following: Jenny starts writing another book, and Jenny starts writing classes to improve.  However, proper construction in my mind would be Jenny starts writing another book and taking writing classes to improve, which would have the same meaning as Jenny starts writing another book, and Jenny starts taking writing classes to improve.  I think the latter is better.  You may also want to say what she was trying to improve. ✅
 * "and when she finds out the truth" should be preceded with a comma and she should be replaced with Jenny. ✅
 * She meets Moira Sweeney (Daniela Sea) who is transitioning into a male. comma before who ✅
 * "Marina briefly returns during the play and Jenny realises she is over her" split or comma before and. ✅
 * Split or conjoin "Jenny becomes more unbalanced when she adopts a dog to get close to a vet, she later has the dog put down and begins dating the woman as part of her plan to ruin her girlfriend." ✅
 * Looks good, but "pretending to be distraught" should be at the beginning of the sentence so it can modify Jenny rather than down. Start as "Pretending to be distraught, Jenny. . ." ✅
 * Whilst filming comma. ✅
 * Similarly, "Whilst on a camping trip," ✅
 * Split or conjoin "She hires Adele Channing as her personal assistant, she then starts a relationship with the films biggest star Niki Stevens (Kate French)." ✅
 * O.K. but "biggest star Niki Stevens" needs a comma after star. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:40, 28 November 2010 (UTC)✅
 * Split or conjoin "Adele later films them having sex, Niki who . . ." ✅
 * Split or conjoin "She stands down and asks Niki to join her, the split when she doesn't join her." Also the -> they,. ✅
 * Comma after interrogated "They are interrogated and Alice ends up in jail for murder." --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:44, 26 November 2010 (UTC)✅
 * "They begin a relationship, Jenny later ends it." split or conjoin✅
 * "Helena later finds out that Jenny revealed Dylan the truth, this makes Helena desperate for revenge on her old friend." needs to be split or conjoined and the first part seems ungrammatical. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:06, 28 November 2010 (UTC)✅


 * Reception
 * "They also describe" is odd because it is a pronoun whose referent is in another paragraph. Don't begin a paragraph with a pronoun referring to a prior para. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:15, 27 November 2010 (UTC)✅


 * I shall now begin making the corrections. RAIN..the..ONE  HOTLINE 16:54, 28 November 2010 (UTC)

I am going to pass this without the formality of the GA Checklist.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 03:05, 29 November 2010 (UTC)