Talk:Jesse Jackson Jr./Archive 1

GA review
I have picked up this article for review, and will provide detailed comments in due course. Brianboulton (talk) 11:47, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Review comments follow

It is clear that a great deal of work has gone into this article in terms of the collection of facts. There are, however, problems with the article that make me wonder if it was nominated for GA prematurely. There are numerous typos which should have been picked up. There are structural problems, particularly in the “Background” section, and some very awkward and wordy prose throughout the article, which should have been sorted out by copyediting. The grammar is suspect in places, and there are POV issues which may be related to choice of sources.

At present my detailed review only covers the first half of the article, but this has produced sufficient problems for me to seek a response from the nominator/editors. The issues arising from the second part of the article are likely to be “more of the same”. In my view, rather more than cosmetic surgery will be required to bring the article to GA standard, though I am prepared to put the article on hold if the editors wish, if they think they can do all that is necessary within seven days. An alternative might be to accept a fail at this time, and spend a lot more time in getting the article right.

**The lead is not a proper summary of the whole article ****You've improved the lead and dealt with most of my issues. The point about the "not only but also" sentence was that it sounded non-neutral, even if it is justifiable. To show what I mean, I suggest the following re-wording of the paragraph in question: ''Although Jackson is viewed as a liberal like his father, he is perceived differently, as more moderate and low key. In his 40% white Congressional district he has generated broad-based support which has repeatedly earned him reelection by 4-1 and 5-1 margins. Jackson is considered less brash than his father, and has developed a reputation for good manners, decorum and propriety.'' I don't think this changes your meaning in any way, but it has a rather more detached feel, as befits an encyclopedia article. It also loses the unnecessary repetition of a phrase.Brianboulton (talk) 22:47, 18 May 2008 (UTC) ******The main difference is that my version avoids duplication of phrases. You still have repetition of "low key". You may want to take that out. Brianboulton (talk) 09:48, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Lead:
 * How is that?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:34, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * There is a repeat of “Illinois’s 2nd congressional district” in successive sentences
 * How is that?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:34, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2nd para consists of three unrelated issues
 * I think it is natural to say in general these are a politicians views and follow that with his pet project. I have added more and an additioanal paragraph.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:34, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Awkward wording: “Jackson is regarded much differently than his liberal father politically”
 * fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:42, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * More awkward phrasing: “He is more moderate and low key although he also generally tends to the liberal persuasion”.
 * fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:42, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * The sentence “Not only is Jackson less brash and more low key than his father but also he has a reputation for his manners, decorum and propriety” sounds very judgemental, particularly towards Jesse senior, and though you provide a citation, the tone is far from neutral. Needs rephrasing
 * ref 4 uses the terms strident and angry, I use the term brash. I am trying to relay the statement of the secondary source. I am not understanding what your point is are you challenging the not only or the but also part for neutrality.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:01, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I am not sure I see the difference, but others may so I did what you instructed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:44, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:05, 20 May 2008 (UTC)

Note also the following specifics:- **3rd para: The sentence “His father was often courting the next opportunity to get in front of the television cameras” is quite offensive towards Jesse Sr. I know you’ve qualified it by “according to some accounts”, but it doesn’t read like an objective statement. See similar comments re lead section. **4th para: Typo in first line. Also: “Jackson’s district was 65% black and 35% white…” – only one percentage necessary, surely? It goes on “…as well as one-third suburban when he first assumed responsibility for it. Many of the suburban constituents have moved from the city. After the 2000 redistricting Jackson’s 650,000-constituent district remains vastly minority”. I’m sorry, but this is bad prose, and an incredibly wordy way of saying that he represents a predominantly black district. **6th/7th paras: The frat information is over-detailed and fairly trivial. So is the two homes information in the last para. And I don’t think you need spell out “ Illinois’s 2nd congressional district”  in full every time you mention it. ****General comment on Background section: I see you’ve put some material into a Personal section. A good idea, but this information mainly relates to his mature life, and would be better appearing much later in the article, to preserve the chronology. I would suggest you call the section “Personal life”, and put it after Committee Assignments. The contents of the last 3 paragraphs of the remaining Background section also relate to his mature life, and could go into this Personal life section. The first paragraph deals with his education. So, I think, do away with the Background heading altogether, have a section called Education, and put the Personal life section towards the end of the article, where it belongs chronologically. Brianboulton (talk) 16:05, 19 May 2008 (UTC) ******The chronology looks right, now. One small suggestion: Make the Experience heading "Early experiences". That would be spot-on. Brianboulton (talk) 09:55, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Background: This section was difficult to take in&mdash;far too many facts, presented in an unorganised way. It rushes from family sibling information to details of education, early political activity, football prowess&mdash;and that’s just the first paragraph!  A lot of the rest of the information in the section, that relating to his mature political career (his relationship with Obama, for instance), belongs much later in the article.  Some stuff could easily be deleted altogether.  At the very least you should divide into subsections (e.g. family background, education,  early political activity, marriage etc).
 * I have split out a personal section.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:34, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2nd para begins: “Jackson acknowledges he is a has had the….” This para, incidentally, is one I think could be reduced to a simple statement that, in his political career, he has enjoyed bi-partisan friendships
 * I guess I should ask that you review this with an eye toward eventual FA pursuits. I do not think that a featured article will omit a section on political allies and social friends.  I think inquiring minds would want to know such details.  It would of course be more succinct to cut it to a sentence that he had bipartisan friends, but I do not think that is the long-run best encyclopedic direction because the pool of secondary sources finds it notable to mention specifical allies and foes, we should do so herein.  The real question is where to do so not whether to do so, IMO.  Advice is welcome on this regard.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:13, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * My advice is this. The article is long – nearly 6,000 words of prose. If you develop it for FAC it will get longer. If (when) Obama becomes president the impact on Jackson Jr’s political life may mean extending the article further. So don’t overburden the present article with unnecessary detail. Unless his friendships with the congressmen you mention are to be followed up later, I recommend the simple statement I suggested above – though his early relationship with George W should is certainly worth keeping. Brianboulton (talk) 16:05, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * His article is currently 35.9 KB and 5854 words of readable prose. For a politician this is no where near the limits on WP:SIZE (see Harry S. Truman, Franklin Roosevelt or Theodore Roosevelt).  Currently the bounds are being tested at WP:FAC by Hillary Rodham Clinton.  I have chopped Jack Kemp from 62.6 KB to 58.3 to retest this bound at WP:FAC after it finishes at WP:PR (P.S. if you like politics you might want to chime in at his PR).  Of course Jackson's career is young and he could have more than another generation of political service to account for.  However, SIZE says that problems begin when articles are "much longer than about 6,000 to 10,000 words, which roughly corresponds to 30 to 50 KB".  Current convention seems to be that the line in the sand is drawn at 10000 words and 60KB.  WP:SUMMARY points to Editing_policy in this regard.  Basically, Jackson's article has not grown to the point where daughter articles are appropriate and the information is not so irrelevant as to be unencyclopedic nonsense.  There is relevance to this section.  For example, there is still some mathematical possibility Hillary could be the next President, in which case a section on their relationship might be relevant.  In fact, Jackson could be a cabinet candidate for either Democrat.  I think the information contained helps the reader to better understand who Jackson is.  I have never seen an article about his father talking about Republican friends, for example.  If you don't mind, I would opt to leave this information as it is.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 23:08, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Well, you asked my advice. I think it inappropriate to use the lengths of articles on former presidents as a yardstick for articles on a congressman in the relatively early stages of his career, but it's not just a question of length, its also a matter of readability. I'm talking now not just about this paragraph in this section, but generally. By cramming the article with so many facts, you risk turning away the general reader. You can surely present an accurate portrait of Jackson Jr by careful selection of material. As mentioned below, I found the section on the 2001-06 period indigestible - too much information, too much detail. It exhausted me! I wish we could see eye to eye on this matter, but there it is. I suggest we work together to resolve what we can, and come back to this issue later. Brianboulton (talk) 23:49, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * You are entirely correct on the point that Dead Presidents and sitting seventh term Congressmen are not equal in terms of notable accomplishments. However, in terms of easily accesssible notable facts Hillary may beat almost every subject of a WP bio (check out the length of this daughter article) and Jackson beats all those dead guys because Newsweek, U.S. News & World Report, Atlantic Monthly, USA Today only go back to the 80s online.  The point is not a consideration of who is deserving of space. That is not really how WP works.  This is a volunteer thing.  I want to work on my Congressman regardless of whether half of all American Presidents need more help.  I don't want to go to the stacks and research Millard Fillmore even though he is probably the first or second most important politician (Grover Cleveland) from where I grew up (Buffalo). Jack Kemp was more my style because I could find everything online quickly (from the political perspective).  It is even doubtful Jr. should have a longer article than his dad.  Jesse is getting my time because I enjoy learning about him and the task of creating a full article for him is manageable. I don't want to have research arcane books or even read a dozen modern books (Donald Trump).  I like guys I can research almost entirely online.  Let's get away from who deserves space and time.  The proper thing to do once we establish that 60KB of content is within reason is to analyze each fact and say whether it is an encyclopedic contribution to his bio. Then look at the collection of facts and determine if it is usefully organized.  Then analyze whether it is an appropriate length.  I am fairly certain whatever we put together will be less than 40KB.  So we really just need to look at our facts and say whether they are encyclopedic and organized.  I need your patience and assistance in this regard. Now that all the pubs are available free online, it will not be long before most high quality GA and FAs for modern politicians will be 30-60KB.  Let's just look at content and ignore length.  I guess after all that hot air I am repeating what you said:  "I suggest we work together to resolve what we can, and come back to this issue later." —Preceding unsigned comment added by TonyTheTiger (talk • contribs) 06:41, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Regretfully, I must say that some articles I have quoted from I omitted references like his father was nicknamed "Jetstream Jesse" for his pursuits of the next headline opportunity. What I have included in the article is much tamer and more neutral than describing his father's nicknames and antics in detail.  How do you think I should proceed in this light?  This is an outspoken family and controversial statements will arise in biographical detail.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:40, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I see you’ve withdrawn the paragraph. My advice, if you want to include personal criticism of Jackson Sr, is to find a direct quote and cite it to source in a detached manner. It’s obviously OK for you to report what someone else has said. Brianboulton (talk) 16:05, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * It is in the personal section.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 23:11, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Those sentences present two facts. 1. in 1995 his district was vastly minority. 2. in 2002 after the redistricting it was vastly minority.  As a side note, before the redistricting he was not my congressman.  Also, please refer to the 2nd congressional district link to see how much the district has changed over time.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:51, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I’m pretty confused by all this. First, the term “vastly minority” is imprecise; I am guessing it to mean “mainly black”. Otherwise, what does it mean? If that’s what it means, then the 1995 figures of 65% black, 35% white, certainly indicate a predominantly black district, but hardly “vastly”, which suggest 90% or 95%. You don’t quote percentages after the 2002 redistricting, but in the lead you say: “In his 40% white district…” So it’s slightly less predominately black, or less “vastly minority” than it was. Unless you can specify the changes that have taken place in the  composition of the district, my objection stands – he represents a district that was, and is, predominantly black, and it isn’t necessary to say more. Brianboulton (talk) 16:05, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * In truth neither “vastly minority” nor "predominantly black" tells the reader it has been 60-65% black. Both are equally problematic in terms of precision.  I am not sure what you are suggesting I do. See current modification and provide an opinion.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 23:19, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * What I was suggesting you do is say in a single short sentence that the 2nd district was, and remains, "predominantly black" or, if you like, "60-65% black". As you've reorganised the material I can't find where this is now, but I'm sure I'll find it. Brianboulton (talk) 09:41, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I have sectioned all the personal stuff out. I would truly prefer to leave remaining details in for and obtain a broader FAC perspective on its relevance to an in-depth article.  I did shorten the 2nd district reference.—TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:55, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I think you may come to regret retaining too much trivial detail when you come to prepare the article for FAC.
 * I have tried to follow this advice.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 23:35, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:56, 20 May 2008 (UTC)

*Political Career – Early years **1st para: “Sandi” is too informal as a reference to his mother (sorry, wife) **4th para. The second sentence is long, unwieldy, and dubious grammatically. Also, the Mel Reynolds information should be given when you first mention him. You should say who Gingrich was, rather than relying on the link (House Speaker Newt Gingrich). **Quote: The Jackson 1996 citation should be outside the ornamental quote marks.
 * First para is mainly details of his education rather than the early years of his political career. There is an awkward time jump between first and second sentences – the milk crate speech to the military academy. Also, President-elect is a fully linkable term, preferable to the half-link you’ve got.
 * I will read his biographical section in his perfect union book to see if there is anything to add at some point. Do I need to do that for GA.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:57, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Also in 1st para: In referring to degrees the proper usage is master’s, not masters. Also, a typo in penultimate line – there, not their.
 * thanks--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:57, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2nd para: “involved in his father’s international affairs” Surely affairs is the wrong word here? There is a further typo (Jackson brothers needs plural). And there is a problem with the sentence beginning “At the time, the younger Jackson was known as a well-spoken and compelling personality…” etc.  It’s the same problem as mentioned above, giving a non-neutral feel in spite of the citation,. I would suggest that you could say “…the younger Jackson was reportedly well-spoken, with a compelling personality capable of carrying any of….” Etc
 * I admit it is tough to neutrally recount secondary source depictions. I have clarified the attribution for neutrality in this case.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:32, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 3rd para: You say Representative Jackson shared the stage with Nelson Mandela. When did this event occur? If before 1996, then Jackson wasn’t a Representative then.  Also, terms like “athletic hiring” and “equitable minority hiring” need some explanation to non-Americans.
 * fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:46, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * You appear to have covered my points on this section. Brianboulton (talk) 16:20, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1995 election:
 * That is the name his wife goes by. See Sandi Jackson.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 20:56, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Sorry, point withdrawn
 * 2nd para: “the Democratic field included”, not “had included”.
 * done--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:54, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2nd para: His “positive” campaign messages – feels POV. It’s cited to what appears to be a very pro-Jackson source.
 * It is hard to call the source Pro-Jackson because this is arguably the third most important local Daily Newspaper in the third largest market in the country. We basically either say we accept Daily newpapers as WP:RS or not.  In this case I think we do.  Then in politics you either campaign positive (I am good vote for me) or negative (He is bad vote for me).  His campaign was positive.  I don't really think there is much of an issue here.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:54, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Your point accepted - though I think that the general issue of the relabilty of newspapers as sources is a lot more complicated than you suggest. But that's not at issue now.
 * 3rd para: The Al Gore reference is confusing. Who was Al Gore’s father, and when r= did AG win this election in his father’s shadow?
 * fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:00, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:08, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I'm still unhappy with the second sentence, which makes two quite distinct, unrelated statements: his father was well known in the district, and there was possible controversy over his Rainbow Coalition salary. This must be two sentences.
 * O.K.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:04, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * fixed with another format.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:16, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Last sentence: “related to irregularities which seemed to relate to…” – duplication of word. Suggest “…concerning irregularities which…” etc.
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:10, 19 May 2008 (UTC)

I will await the response to the above before continuing. Brianboulton (talk) 17:09, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I would accept a seven day challenge. I will give it a shot if you will work with me.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 20:56, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Review comments continuing. I am fixing typos as I find them, rather than reporting them. Also, don't take the 7-day limit as absolute. If we are fairly close to agreement at that stage we'll extend a bit. Brianboulton (talk) 17:20, 19 May 2008 (UTC)

*Early congressional career section


 * This section, as its title implies, is supposed to deal with his early congressional career, presumably the period up to 2000. Yet in the third and fourth paragraphs you adopt a present-day perspective. You say “Jackson focuses…”, he fears, he prefers, he is outspoken, “when he does vote”, “the right-wing talk-show hosts target him”, etc. The para should deal with what he did then, not with what he’s doing now. Also:-
 * fixed, but simple past tense does not really work.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:51, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Third sentence is redundant – point clearly established in first two sentences, doesn’t need to be driven home.
 * combined 2nd and 3rd.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:22, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Us poor Brits need to be told what Jeopardy! is – don’t rely on the link. “The TV gameshow Jeopardy!” will do.
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:54, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * You should also say who Sani Abacha was
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:57, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * There is no verb “incent” in any of my dictionaries. I’d choose a more recognisable word – “motivate”, perhaps
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 00:57, 20 May 2008 (UTC)

*2000 election section **Explain who Tom DeLay was, don't rely on link **In 2001 he authorised..." Who is "he"?
 * First 2 sentences should have specific citations
 * The citation for the 3rd sentence covers the first three sentences. Would you like each sentence cited?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 01:19, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * No, that's OK
 * Your phrase "critical of the entire offering" is quaint. I take it to refer to these peoples' political stance? That would be a clearer way of putting it.
 * Not stances candidates.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 01:24, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Understood
 * I've linked Ralph Nader, but he needs to be explained: "..the Ralph Nader Green Party option".
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 04:45, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 2001-2006 section: Tony, this section is a nightmare to read. Far too many facts, in no particular order, one after the other, confusing prose, over-reliance on links to explain who people or events were.  You don't need to mention absolutely everything that Jackson did. And the over-detailing! You don't have to give publisher and ISBN information in the text - put it in footnotes, or a further reading section, if you must.  I'll come back in a while with some specific points in this section, but my head s spinning and I've got to take a break. Brianboulton (talk) 18:51, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I apologize. The problem is that at this stage of his political career there are no clear ways to partition his career.  After working on Jack Kemp which, if you look at his Table of Contents, you can see easy to partition, I got lost.  Imagine me writing Kemp's article before 1988 and trying to break up his congressional career.  That is where Jackson is right now.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 01:40, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * It looks like the next section will take a lot of work. I will take a break for a couple hours now.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 01:48, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * (Later) Here are some specific points within the section
 * Done —Preceding unsigned comment added by TonyTheTiger (talk • contribs) 04:48, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * The opening sentence of para 2 is far too long - can you divide it?
 * DONE--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:11, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * As said above, ISBN and publsher information within text is very distracting.
 * I don't remember it above, but I moved the information to footnotes —Preceding unsigned comment added by TonyTheTiger (talk • contribs) 05:30, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I found this sentence confusing: "The book was published at a time when public opposition to the death penalty was at a historically high level by two of America's most prominent civil rights leaders". Was the book written by, or published by, these two civil rights leaders. Who were they?
 * Is your point that although I have established that Jackson, Jr. and Sr. are important I haven't established they are prominent civil rights leaders or is your point that the sentence is confusing?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:35, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * You certainly haven't established Jesse Jr's credentials as one of America's most prominent civil rights leaders. But apart from that, the sentence is confusing. The book was written by, not published by, three authors, two of were prominent civil rights leaders. It's impossible to deduce your meaning from the sentence as it stands - for all I know, the two civil rights leaders referred to could have been Jackson Sr and Shapiro.  It will be a great tangle to explain all this, so why not end the sentence after "historically high level"?
 * Done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:39, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * "A vision to the future..." should be "A vision for the future..."
 * done--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:43, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I have learned from the link what the E2 nightclub stampede refers to - a sad and tragic affair, but irrelevant to Jackson's life and career, and shouldn't be in the article.
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:43, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * More confusion: "The 2000 election contributed to his personal support for electoral reform and that of the Congressional Black Caucus". Can you clarify that this means he supported both reform of the electoral system and reform of the black caucus, or does it mean that both he and the black caucus supported electoral reform?
 * fixed--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:51, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I simply can't understand the sentence that begins: "He dislikes the jurisdictional differences...." etc. I am a quite well-informed person, though I'm not a political junkie. I think this sentence is likely to be incomprehensible to all but political junkies. Is it possible to say it in words that the general reader can understand?
 * fixed unless you think the word jurisdiction is too highfalutin.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 05:56, 20 May 2008 (UTC)

More follows **Is Ho-Chunk a tribe or a nation? **You have no citations covering the first two statements in this paragraph **"Reelection" means he won again - no need for "won again reelection" **"Parks becomes..." Does that mean she will become, or has already become? More follows Brianboulton (talk) 23:29, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
 * The link says tribe.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 06:57, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * But you say tribe and nation. Which is it to be?
 * I didn't see that. Thanks.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 21:59, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * There is a single footnote at the end of the topic 4th sentence. As above the issue is whether you want each sentence cited. I would hope the reader would realize all four sentences are covered by this citation.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 07:04, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * The para illustrates one of the main problems I had with this section - 3 unrelated issues (Ho-Chunk, internet sales and Jack Johnson) flung together into a single paragraph. The mind boggles.
 * I did not feel the later two facts warranted more space than given and did not know what to do with them given that opinion. Please advise further.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 07:14, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * It's all to do with the way that this whole section lacks structure. I'm still thinking about this and will get back to you.
 * fixed.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 07:17, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Terri Schiano case needs a brief explanation. The link should enable readers to follow something up - they shouldn't have to hop from article to article for basic explanations
 * Clarified although I don't quite understand why the funds have not expired.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 07:32, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't think we need all the very specific medical stuff in the final para, paticularly that which relates to his sister.
 * Anything that I have to work too hard to find a secondary source for is of questionable notability and encyclopedic value. You may be right about this one given the sources I have had to use to find out about his weight loss.  The thing is that I can not imagine a reader would look at the photos and not want some information.  Given the likely curiosity, I refer to the info above about preserving all information in our debate about length.  I think his weight loss is an important occurrence in his life.  Given that we should say something if we can find anything.  I have also found the following source.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 07:49, 20 May 2008 (UTC)

**It isn’t necessary to use again the “lower key” and “more moderate” comparisons with his father – this has been clearly established earlier in the article. If you feel you must re-emphasize the point, can you find a different wording?
 * Mayoral race
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:31, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Minority is a collective noun, so “politicians from ethnic minorities”, not “politicians who are ethnic…”
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:35, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Can you explain for non-Americans what the term big box retailer means?
 * The link gives a decent explanation and I don't really see a way to make further explanation flow naturally in the article.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:44, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * The link is to an evidently substandard article. My point is, couldn't you use a term like "superstore", which is recognisable beyond USA? Then readers wouldn't need to pop over to the link. Brianboulton (talk) 10:30, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * The thing is that as the whole ordeal unfolded here in the press, the headlines (in the written press, on radio and television) always referred to it as the bigbox retailer minimum wage. I don't recall superstore ever being associated with it.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:40, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

**Who is Harold Ford, and what office was he running for?
 * 2006 and beyond
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:50, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * This phrase is convoluted: “Although it might seem Jackson’s experiences may have been unique….”  I suggest simplify to “Although Jackson’s experiences may have seemed unique…”
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:52, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * “ads” should be spelt out in full
 * done.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:54, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Later I will make a suggestion regarding the structure of this section

*Committee assignments: should “congress” be capitalized in first line
 * Yes.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:56, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Personal: I’ve said my piece on this.

Tony, I suggest that, after you have dealt with my latest postings, we take a short break. This is quite a challenging GAN, and I don’t want judgements to be clouded by exhaustion or frustration. On Thursday I will bring forward some suggestions for minor structural changes in the “2001-06” and “2006 and beyond” sections. We can also review what differences of opinion still separate us, and can work to resolve them. Meanwhile I have a few other things to attend to, as I’m sure you have too. (I notice we are squaring up on the Hillary Clinton page now!). Good luck Brianboulton (talk) 16:43, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your time. Structural suggestions are welcome because his career doe not have natural segments yet.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 03:46, 21 May 2008 (UTC)


 * Tony, as an experiment I have reorganized the contents of the 2002-06 section under 3 subheadings: Legislative, Political and Other activities. I haven't altered any of the wording. I wanted to see if a more logical arrangement of the content would make the section easier to navigate. My personal opinion is that it does, but I'd like to hear what you think. If you like the idea, the same might be done to the 2006 and beyond section. The problem there is that, apart from the last short para, that section is all political and personal stuff.  However, you could increase the legislative content of the section by referring in the text to the events shown in the images, which I don't see covered in the text at all (I refer to the Emancipation Hall Bill, and LIHEAP Day, whatever that is). I imagine they should be. I'll await your comments - put a message on my talk page when you're ready. Brianboulton (talk) 11:08, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Wow. That is great work. I definitely could use any help/advice on organizing the article further.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 22:40, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * OK, so if you can find extra legislative stuff for the 2006+ section, we'll try and organise that section in the same way. The article is progressing nicely I feel. Brianboulton (talk) 00:05, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I spent the evening creating A More Perfect Union: Advancing New American Rights. I have exhausted legislation except for going straight to his own house website.  Should I take stuff from there?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 08:19, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * No, just put something into the text on the Emancipation Hall Bill, which you clearly think important enough to have four images. If he had any other major bill involvements in 2006-08 they should get a mention. But we don't need a flood of stuff. Brianboulton (talk) 09:21, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Actually, there is another alternative. I could scour the Chicago Tribune and Chicago Sun-Times.  However, I don't think this would be encyclopedic at the international level.  The article already includes every notable fact about the congressman from Time, Newsweek, Businessweek, Forbes, U.S. News & World Report, USA Today and New York Times. Getting additional local stuff perspective would be filler.  I will fill in Emancipation Hall and leave it at that.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 15:20, 23 May 2008 (UTC)
 * I have added text on the Emancipation Hall.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTM) 18:47, 23 May 2008 (UTC)