Talk:Jessica Hardy/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 07:06, 24 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I apologize, but I have one on the verge of completion. It is probably some sort of breach of etiquette to start commenting on this one before I conclude the formalities at Talk:Jennifer Connelly/GA1‎. I am going to try to get the other one out the door and then figure out what issues your priors have had with you at Talk:Jessica Hardy/GA1.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:58, 24 September 2010 (UTC)


 * Upon initial inspection, I have some similar concerns to the initial reviewer. In the WP:LEAD we do not even know which strokes she does, let alone which ones she is a world recordholder in.
 * ✅ I expanded the lead and addressed your concerns.68.5.214.41 (talk) 04:00, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * You still need to expand the middle para. Try describing the events spanned.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 04:37, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Done.138.162.140.54 (talk) 14:54, 29 September 2010 (UTC)


 * One-sentence or one-line paragraphs need to be merged or expanded.
 * Lead is done, but 2005-07 needs to be improved in this regard.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 15:21, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * ✅ I've merged the 2005-07 section.Philipmj24 (talk) 22:24, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * O.K. but the reader is not going to know if the World Acquatics Championships is short or long course.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:54, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Also, can you say how many events she competed in at each of her championships. Something like at X games she competed in 2 individual freestyle and 3 individual breastroke and 3 different relay events. This can be followed by she earned such and such medals and broke such and such records (like you already have).--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 20:00, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Notes are made that says the 2005 and 2007 Championships are long course meets. No need to do that for the 2006 Short Course World Championships because the title is pretty obvious.  Also made changes to please your second request.Philipmj24 (talk) 01:55, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Now each meet has enough content for its own paragraph (barely). Also merge in the 2008 section into one pre doping section.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 03:07, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * O.K.138.162.140.53 (talk) 15:41, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I meant to merge the 2008 meet with those before it not the section after it. You could have an early career section, a doping issue section and then comeback.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 18:48, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * O.K.138.162.140.54 (talk) 20:13, 1 October 2010 (UTC)


 * The reader needs to know about where she grew up or went to high school. This article is not going to pass the breadth (WP:WIAGA 3A) without telling me something about non-world class competitor years.
 * I kinda started on it. Give me time, I'm a little busy with my job at the moment.68.5.214.41 (talk) 04:00, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * ✅ I've added her high school, information about her parents, and awards information.Philipmj24 (talk) 22:24, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Age group coach needs expansion.
 * ✅ I expanded it slightly. I want to put more information about her relationship with Salo but I can't find any references.Philipmj24 (talk) 22:24, 29 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't understand the meaning of the term Age group coach in this context. Also what age group (10-11, 12-13, u15, U17 ????)--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:59, 2 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Reworded.68.5.214.41 (talk) 15:53, 2 October 2010 (UTC)


 * I have been traveling and want to give this fuller attention. You can start working on these points.  After each of my concerns reply on the following line.  I will strike issues as they are resolved.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 08:01, 28 September 2010 (UTC)
 * What is the reasoning behind this diff? --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 20:05, 30 September 2010 (UTC)
 * I think bunching them together is more confusing than helpful. Keeping them both seperate avoids any confusion whatsoever.  That's just me.Philipmj24 (talk) 01:55, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * In all other sports, merging same subject succession boxes is standard. See people like Barry Bonds, Wayne Gretzky or Michael Jordan.  Unless you have a reason, please revert.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 03:16, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * O.K.138.162.140.53 (talk) 15:41, 1 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Does Swimming World Cup have a link?
 * I assume your talking about the 2009 FINA World Cup? Yes. It's already been linked.138.162.140.53 (talk) 15:41, 1 October 2010 (UTC)


 * What about a link for U.S. Olympic Team Trials?
 * There's no link to that specific meet but I have linked the 2008 Trials to the United States Olympic Team Trials in Swimming.138.162.140.53 (talk) 15:41, 1 October 2010 (UTC)


 * The reader needs an explanation on how the world record holder does not qualify to compete. In fact that section is confusing because it seems like she competed in many individual events at the Pan Pacific championships. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 03:34, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Explained. I don't want to get way into it and get off topic.138.162.140.53 (talk) 15:41, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Does "The American coaches decided to also enter her in the 50 m freestyle" refer to the national or pan pacific event?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:54, 2 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Pan Pacs. I added it in the article.68.5.214.41 (talk) 15:53, 2 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I am confused by the subsections in this area and not sure what parts of the paragraph refer to the Pan pacs or the nationals. It seems like the Pan Pac stuff should be in the section below.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:06, 2 October 2010 (UTC)
 * Done.68.5.214.41 (talk) 19:35, 2 October 2010 (UTC)


 * I am not sure if it is proper, but what do you think of Jesse Hubbard succession box in terms of how it gives a new line when he broke his own record? I have not seen it anywhere else and did it myself.  Do you think it would help the reader in this case? --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:33, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * I personally don't think it's proper for this article. It's good information to know but it would just be excessive.  If the reader truly cared about those details, they can simply click on the link in the record box.  I know of no other swimming related article that has that kind of format in the record box.  Imagine if that were done to Michael Phelps' article.  That would be a mess!Philipmj24 (talk) 23:45, 1 October 2010 (UTC)
 * When Phelps next appears at FAC, I will bring this up when there are a lot of eyes on the article. I don't think it would look much different from Bonds.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:56, 2 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Can you add the dates for each event in the 2005-08 section, the 2008 trials and the 2010 events. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:50, 2 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Are the dates really necessary for the Olympic Trials section? I wouldn't be really sure how to even word it without going into detail about the races, which I don't think would be appropriate seeing she was "positive" at the time. Anyways, the 2005–08 section is done.  I will get to the 2010 section later if you don't mind.68.5.214.41 (talk) 20:19, 2 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Sorry for the delay. I've finished everything except the 2008 Olympic trials section.68.5.214.41 (talk) 23:25, 2 October 2010 (UTC)


 * In that early section shouldn't Swimming World Magazine be linked and italicized. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:04, 3 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Yes. Done.68.5.214.41 (talk) 15:40, 3 October 2010 (UTC)

Final review

 * GA review (see here for criteria)

The article is very heavy on her competitive swimming and needs to be more broad.
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * Would really like to know more about this woman than her swimming
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * Could use another picture or two
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * Could use another picture or two
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail: