Talk:Jim O'Neill (investor)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: CookieMonster755 (talk · contribs) 02:27, 30 December 2017 (UTC)

Opening comments

 * Opening Comment – Hi, and thank you for submitting this article for Good article status on Wikipedia. My name is CookieMonster755, and I will be reviewing this article in the next couple of days. Please be patient, as it may take up to seven days to complete a review. If you have questions, please feel free to contact me on my talk page. Thanks,  CookieMonster755  ✉    02:27, 30 December 2017 (UTC)
 * Comment – I have done a brief overview of the article. I did a quick examination, and this article will most likely fail Good article status, failing criteria 1, 2, 3 and 6. However, since I have not done an in-detail review, I will not be failing the article until I finish the review. This is just a heads up that the review will be mostly comments of improvement.  CookieMonster755  ✉    02:45, 30 December 2017 (UTC)

Review
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Specific details
References – references were a major factor in the failure of this nomination. Several references do not work anymore. This includes: https://archive.hhs.gov/deputysecretary/pr20080703.html. In addition, https://alumnius.net/yale_university-8044-173 is an unreliable source and you must have a subscription to access https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-12-07/trump-team-is-said-to-consider-thiel-associate-o-neill-for-fda. References and citations need major improvement.

In the § Career section: From December 2002 to August 2005, he served as Director of the Speech and Editorial Division of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, where he wrote or edited all speeches given by the Secretary of Health and Human Services. He was also a member of the United States Delegation to the World Health Assembly. has no citation and needs one per WP:BLP. Also, the government departments listed should be linked to their respected Wikipedia pages if one exist, and the sentence structure needs fixing and work to comply with WP:MOS.

Both the Other professional activities and Views sections should be renamed to something that is more encyclopedic and reflective of its content. I would rename the former to Personal activities and the latter to Political views. Quotations need to be formatted correctly, and abbreviations avoided. Instead of saying While at HHS, O'Neill opposed FDA... state, While working at the US Health & Human Services, O'Neill opposed Food and Drug Administration.... Most sources do not go in depth about the subject, but just brief mentions of him. Notability may be questionable. Regardless, I am sorry to inform you, but this review has failed. Please feel free to contact me for more information or follow up questions. Best regards,  CookieMonster755  ✉    03:37, 30 December 2017 (UTC)