Talk:Johannes Leimena/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Larry Hockett (talk · contribs) 11:45, 31 January 2021 (UTC)

I'll be happy to review this entry. I notice that the nominator is under a self-requested indefinite block, but it looks like other active editors have contributed to the entry, so I am hopeful that someone can address my feedback. I will leave some initial feedback later today. If someone responds to that feedback within a few days, we'll continue with a more detailed review. Larry Hockett (Talk) 11:45, 31 January 2021 (UTC)

Lead

 * Clarify that STOVIA is a medical school. (Normally, we spell out the full term before using the acronym or abbreviated form, but in this case, it seems from the wikilink that STOVIA is the common name, so this is okay.)
 * ✅ STOVIA is mentioned as a medicine school in the early life, but not in the lead. I guess I'll change it to medical school and add it in the lead.


 * "He became a founding member ... later elected chairman ... and in various national" - missing some verbs here. Maybe "He became a founding member ... was elected chairman ... and belonged to various ..."
 * ✅ I've changed that parts' grammar drastically. Feel free to check.

Early life

 * For acronyms or initialisms, it would be helpful to spell them out on the first mention - ELS, HBS, MULO. Check for other such terms in the rest of the entry.


 * "eventually managed to enroll at the medicine school STOVIA" - too wordy, "eventually managed to" is not very encyclopedic - just say that he enrolled there and the date if known.
 * ✅ I removed the "eventually managed to" but I don't add the date - he enrolled at the STOVIA in 1922, the same year after he graduated from MULO. If you want to add the date use citation number 9.


 * "took part as a committee member" - was a committee member

Will pick up in the Career section if there is interest. While I have not checked out the references yet, this entry looks pretty well done, so I hope someone will address this feedback. Larry Hockett (Talk) 20:52, 31 January 2021 (UTC)

General comments
, glad to see you reviewing this! The real author of this article, Juxlos, is handling the GAR of the Indonesian language version of this article. I'll handle this since I've unblocked myself.Regards, Jeromi Mikhael 08:55, 2 February 2021 (UTC)
 * I'm glad to hear it. It looks pretty well done. I should have the rest of the feedback within a couple of days. Larry Hockett (Talk) 09:19, 2 February 2021 (UTC)

Dutch colonial period
Continuing the review:
 * This is probably difficult because of language translation issues, but should hospital be capitalized in Zending Imanuel hospital and Banyu Asin hospital?


 * What is the difference between graduating as a doctor (1930) and earning a medical degree (1939)?
 * As you can see, education in Dutch East Indies (thereafter DEI) is not quite advanced. The lack of doctors at that time prompted the DEI government to establish STOVIA. In DEI education, STOVIA is equivalent to high school and after you graduated from there you could set up your own clinic/work in a hospital. At some point, the DEI government decided to raise the bar, and increase the status of STOVIA from a high school equivalent to a university equivalent. STOVIA was changed to Batavia Medical College, and Leimena entered the college.

Revolution and RMS

 * "Leimena initially rejected citing his desire to work as a doctor" - In English, "rejected" doesn't usually stand by itself. A person rejects something or someone ("Leimena initially rejected the appointment").

Post-war health minister

 * first sentence: comma after occupation, no comma after malnutrition

Djuanda Cabinet and Guided Democracy

 * "Despite his ambitious plans, coordination with the Ministries of Agriculture, Transmigration and Labor proved an issue." - This comes across as a bit vague and subjective. Could we rephrase?
 * ✅ Rephrased to However, his plans stalled due to issues regarding coordination with the Ministries of Agriculture, Transmigration and Labor.

1965 coup

 * "For his part, Leimena, upon learning" --> Leimena, upon learning

Views

 * overlinking - Sukarno


 * " the interests and aims of the church is parallel" - are parallel

Personal life and family

 * "met and later married his wife ... during his time working as a doctor in Bandung" - Did the meeting and the marriage both happen while he was working in Bandung, or is there a better way to phrase this?
 * ✅ Removed met and later. Leimena married his wife in 1933, while he worked in Bandung from 1931 until 1941. I guess the met part is unnecessary

Death

 * "He had previously been suffering" - He had been suffering

I still need to do some more spot checks of the references, and I might make one more pass through the article to clean up trivial wording issues myself. Otherwise, I think this article can be promoted once we clean up the above. Thanks for the hard work on this entry. Larry Hockett (Talk) 10:20, 3 February 2021 (UTC)

I'm sorry it took me a few days to come back to this. I cleaned up a few wording issues. I also used a copy-paste approach with Google and ran Earwig's tool to check for copyright problems; no issues were identified. Spot checks of the sources showed that the material has generally strong referencing. A couple of final issues:


 * I can't access the full text of the Neelakantan reference, and in the Post-war health minister section, there is the phrase "The Norwegian system, whereas nutrition and working conditions". This phrase doesn't really mean anything in English. Are you saying that Leimena liked the fact that the Norwegian healthcare system focused on the nutritional concerns and working conditions of its people?
 * The original sentence from the source was Leimena s thinking on health was undoubtedly influenced by the Norwegian health system that envisioned raising the people s living standards through nutrition and improving their conditions at work. I've fixed this problem by clarifying the sentence.


 * In the same section, you refer to the West Irian issue. I thought you were talking about the West New Guinea dispute, but you go back to that a few paragraphs later, so maybe this is talking about something else.
 * ✅ I've fixed this by linking to the dispute.

Larry Hockett (Talk) 12:54, 7 February 2021 (UTC)
 * In the 1965 coup section, the entry talks about the closure of universities. If I am looking at it correctly, the source just describes the closure of a single specific university.
 * ✅ You're right. Leimena only closed the University of Indonesia. And btw, his title should be minister of higher education and science instead of higher education and culture.

Good work. Thanks for promptly addressing my feedback. I went through and made a copyediting pass, and I think the article now meets the criteria. Larry Hockett (Talk) 03:00, 15 February 2021 (UTC)