Talk:John B. Creeden/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:23, 29 September 2019 (UTC)

Comments That's all I have on this one. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 20:12, 29 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Lead seems a little on the long side, WP:LEAD reserves four paras for the very longest articles, and this one certainly isn't one of those.
 * I've condensed it quite a bit. How does it look now?  Ergo Sum  00:51, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "Dean of Georgetown College in 1909, and simultaneously served as principal of " capital D but small p?
 * Standardized.  Ergo Sum  00:12, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "improvements of the campus, including ...  to support major campus improvements", needs rework.
 * Rephrased.  Ergo Sum  00:14, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "a grand plan to" why "grand"?!
 * Grand in the sense that it was hugely ambitious.  Ergo Sum  00:14, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "Jesuit regents" any reason the "s" of regents isn't part of the link?
 * Fixed.  Ergo Sum  00:15, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "Upon being name president of the university, he was succeeded by Edmund A. Walsh" succeeded in what role?
 * Clarified.  Ergo Sum  00:15, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "Creeden resurrected the St. Joseph's Lamp Association..." I'm missing the link between this association and Spanish flu?
 * Presumably, there was some culture and religious connection. The sources says there was a causal link, but doesn't explain, so I wouldn't want to speculate.  Ergo Sum  00:45, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Other articles have put the qualifications received at each Alma mater in the infobox.
 * It's not clear from the sources that he earned degrees from the institutions, or if he did, what degrees they were.  Ergo Sum  00:16, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "Smith-Towner" - probably should be an en-dash, but it's not even mentioned once in the United States Department of Education article which seems a little odd...
 * Fixed the dash. Added a mention of it on the DoE article.  Ergo Sum  00:24, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "By the winter of 1924" where I'm from, winter is like November, December, January, yet "was named as his successor in late October 1924"... and we also try to avoid the use of season names for timeframes as they vary depending on your hemisphere...
 * Clarified.  Ergo Sum  00:25, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Use either World War I or First World War, but not both.
 * Standardized.  Ergo Sum  00:26, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "raise $5 million in two years." inflate that so we can see that's a properly HUGE amount of money back in the day.
 * Added the inflation amount.  Ergo Sum  00:41, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "commencement" again, see the other article I reviewed today, link for us non-familiars.
 * Linked.  Ergo Sum  00:26, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "the North Bethesda, Maryland campus" comma after Maryland.
 * The comma coming after a location is not meant for instances in which the location serves as a modifier of a noun coming immediately after it. To place a comma there would be grammatically incorrect.  Ergo Sum  00:28, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure that's what MOS:GEOCOMMA says... The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 05:41, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * If you notice, the example provided at GEOCOMMA is the one where the geographic place is separated from a dependent clause. Here, the comma would be dividing up a single independent clause. The WP MOS on comma usage is rather antiquated (and written more broadly than I think it intends), but even according to this antiquated usage, I've never seen a comma separate an attributive noun (noun functioning as an adjective) and the modified noun. E.g. "I walked to the Bethesda, Maryland campus" does not deserve a comma separating the last word.  Ergo Sum  14:30, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "indecent temptations of the city." you can't write this in Wikipedia's voice...
 * I was really writing it in Creeden's voice. I think I've clarified it a bit.  Ergo Sum  00:28, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * No need to link words like "finance".
 * Unlinked.  Ergo Sum  00:29, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "another Fr. Constantine McGuire" there was more than one Fr. Constantine McGuire?
 * Typo.  Ergo Sum  00:29, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "the President of Venezuela awarded " do we know who that actually was at the time?
 * Identified him.  Ergo Sum  00:43, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "brining it under" typo.
 * Fixed.  Ergo Sum  00:30, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "professional schools" another one of those odd links with an unlinked s...
 * Fixed.  Ergo Sum  00:30, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Put (AALS) after the expansion before using it as an abbreviation.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  00:31, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * I believe I've responded to all your comments.  Ergo Sum  00:51, 30 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Okeydokes, regardless of the comma query, and I'm no expert (and MOS doesn't seem to really explicitly cover this, and in any case, MOS compliance isn't mandated for GA!), so I'm happy to promote as it stands. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 14:32, 30 September 2019 (UTC)