Talk:John D. Whitney/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:38, 17 September 2019 (UTC)

Comments As usual, top class fare, on hold while we chat about the above. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 17:33, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * " Born in Massachusetts, he joined the United States Navy, ..." fast mover... perhaps briefly contextualise that with when!
 * Added his age.  Ergo Sum  22:40, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "including in Canada, England, Ireland, and around the United States, including" -> including ... including... repetitive.
 * Better phrasing now?  Ergo Sum  22:41, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "he went to Boston College f" in what capacity?
 * Added that he was treasurer.  Ergo Sum  22:41, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "before doing pastoral work " I hate "doing" maybe "before working in pastoral care" or something??
 * "Care" is not really a common way of describing it. I can't think of another way of phrasing it without changing the meaning.  Ergo Sum  22:42, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "on July 19, 1850 in" comma after 1850.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  22:43, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "from a distinguished family" in what sense?
 * Rephrased for clarity.  Ergo Sum  22:43, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 *  USS Mercury -> USS Mercury.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  22:45, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * " none of the Protestant churches were not the One true church" none not, why not "not one of the of the Protestant churches were the One true church"?
 * I accidentally had an extra "not" in there. It should make sense now.  Ergo Sum  22:44, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * " in Newport, Rhode Island to" comma after Island.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  22:44, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * 1870 America's Cup has its own article.
 * Wasn't sure how to rewrite the sentence, so I just piped the link. I hope this isn't an WP:EASTEREGG.  Ergo Sum  22:47, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "on August 14, 1872 in " comma after 1872.
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  22:47, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Note that Roehampton is London. And then note that Stonyhurst College is up in Lancashire.  No distance in US terms but for us Brits, a world of difference for myriad reasons!
 * Noted!  Ergo Sum  22:49, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "he continued teaching mathematics" preference: "he continued to teach mathematics"
 * The infinitive it is.  Ergo Sum  22:50, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "Thereafter, he went to Woodstock College in Maryland to study theology in 1884." not convinced you need "Thereafter" and "in 1884". Perhaps just "In 1884, he ..."
 * Done.  Ergo Sum  22:50, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "from Anthony A. Hirst " any context for who this unlinked individual might be? What he did?
 * Added some context about Hirst.  Ergo Sum  22:57, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "Finally, he became... " spoiler alert.  Maybe " in Philadelphia. Finally, he became" -> " in Philadelphia before becoming ..."?
 * Rephrased.  Ergo Sum  22:52, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * " the Sodality of St. Ignatius Church" part linked? or why capitalised?
 * Sodalities were a rather transient historical phenomenon, so it probably wasn't terribly long-lived or formally established. I've kept the link but made it a lowercase.  Ergo Sum  22:53, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "He spent one year in Brooklyn in 1912,[8] and in May 1916," a very obvious gap here...
 * Clarified.  Ergo Sum  22:55, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * "He spent part 1917 at" of.
 * Fixed.  Ergo Sum  22:53, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Thank you for the thorough review, as I've come to expect. I believe I've addressed all your comments.  Ergo Sum  22:58, 17 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Hi Ergo Sum, happy with all the changes and content that this (once again) now sits way beyond GA level, so happy to promote. Good work. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:40, 18 September 2019 (UTC)