Talk:John Dwight (manufacturer)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 01:20, 1 October 2020 (UTC)

Hi, I intend to review this shortly. Eddie891 Talk Work 01:20, 1 October 2020 (UTC)
 * Comments
 * "Nathaniel's father, Dwight's great grandfather, was Captain Timothy Dwight" I think this connection is too much of a stretch to have here, for a non-notable individual
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:21, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "He was in the same class with " -> "same class as"
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:21, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "In 1847 he went into partnership" perhaps "in 1847 the two entered into a partnership" or "the two began a partnership" or smth similar
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:44, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "Church was the one that concocted the formula to be the first in the United States to devise a method of manufacturing the product as a company item to sell" perhaps "Church was the first in the United States to devise a method of manufacturing sodium bicarbonate as an item that could be sold" or something similar?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:54, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * " first under the Cow Brand trademark" what value does 'first' add here?
 * ✅ - removed.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:48, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "They packaged the product this way for hygiene and personally filled the bags themselves" who is 'they'? 'themselves' seems redundant here
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:58, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "Arm & Hammer baking soda dominated" at what point did they 'dominate' the market?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:43, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "Cow brand was preferred " -> "Cow Brand was preferred "
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:43, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "as well like as a" seems off to me.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:43, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "Church & Dwight Company corporation" link Church & Dwight?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:43, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "The spot is where Dwight was born" what is the spot?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:43, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * That's a first pass, there will likely be more subjective comments. As always, open to discussion. Eddie891 Talk Work 14:43, 3 October 2020 (UTC)
 * All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:43, 3 October 2020 (UTC)


 * Images are good.
 * No copyvio
 * Sourcing looks good
 * I don't see Dwight and Church sold the powder product in red paper bags under the Cow Brand trademark. in provided source
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:18, 4 October 2020 (UTC)


 * Page for citation #7 may be off, I don't see anything there
 * ✅ - replaced Jorgensen reference. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:34, 4 October 2020 (UTC)


 * In citation #1, I don't see that WIlliam White was 'of Springfield, Mass'
 * ✅ - changed to an officer in the Continental Army. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:50, 4 October 2020 (UTC)


 * I think you could just list the names of his children. What they did isn't really relevant. If you decide keep it essentially as is, I suggest 1) removing 'Mrs.' from the names of the women, and not say 'became' so much, rephrasing to avoid repetition of that word
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:16, 4 October 2020 (UTC)


 * Sources 4 and 16 are the same
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:16, 4 October 2020 (UTC)


 * Some more. Eddie891 Talk Work 19:01, 4 October 2020 (UTC)
 * All additional issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:16, 4 October 2020 (UTC)


 * Good. Meets the ga criteria, passing. Eddie891 Talk Work 20:23, 4 October 2020 (UTC)