Talk:John Maulbetsch

Okay, so did he die...
...in 1950 or 1951? TJSwoboda (talk) 00:14, 29 December 2007 (UTC)

John died in 1950. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 192.231.128.66 (talk) 02:49, 16 January 2008 (UTC)

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Details:


 * Lede... WAY too short.42K article, should have three paragraphs at least.Cbl62 (talk) 20:27, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Template:Persondata Cbl62 (talk) 18:55, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * I noticed a number of sentences starting with "One writer.." or "One reporter..." Might consider rewording a few to avoid repetition. I revised most of these; only two instances remain where it seemed appropriate.Cbl62 (talk) 19:07, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Many other sentences (and the first sentence of a paragraph) start with "In (year)..." consider rewording to avoid repetition. This is especially evident in the Head coach at Ok A&M section, where there are four paragraphs in a row starting this way. I eliminated most of these; only three remaining sentences start with "In (year)..."
 * College section, 1914 Harvard game section ... the last paragraph quotation, if the "faih Hahvahd" is in the quotation, you should put [sic] after it so it's clear that the misspelling is in the original.Cbl62 (talk) 18:55, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Same section, Maultbetcsch makes All American subsection. First sentence has a quotation that's not got a direct citation. Same for a couple of quotes later in the paragraph .. "To try to hush the matter up" and "Biggest stir of the season on the campus". and in the next subsection pie and coffee diet "greatest line-plunger of a decade".Cbl62 (talk) 20:33, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Same section, 1915 season subsection. Consider merging the first two paragraphs as they are very short and stubby. The whole subsection has a number of very short paragraphs that make the prose flow choppy.Cbl62 (talk) 19:13, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Professional football section, the last sentence needs a citation.Cbl62 (talk) 20:37, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Head football coach section, Building Philips subsection. Last sentence of the first paragraph needs a citation, since it's stating an opinion. "top football programs"Cbl62 (talk) 20:49, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Same section and subsection, third paragraph, last sentence feels tacked on and uncconected to the rest of the paragraph and it needs a citation, since that's a pretty serious allegation that he was an amatuer but took money for wrestling.
 * The source on that is an article from the Professional Football Researches Assn, (http://www.footballresearch.com/articles/frpage.cfm?topic=owen-ste), but the web site is not working currently, so I pulled the statement. The statement is also made in the wikipedia article on Owen but lacks any citation there.  Cbl62 (talk) 19:25, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Same section. Both the first two subsections have a number of short paragraphs, consider merging or expanding them.Cbl62 (talk) 20:50, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Same section, Head coach at Ok A&M subsection, the last sentence of the first paragraph would not be hurt by a citation.Cbl62 (talk) 20:57, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Consider merging Later years section with the Postumous honors section and the Award section into perhaps a "Legacy" or "Later years and legacy" section. All three of these sections are very short, and either need expansion or merging. Especially the Posthumous honors section.Cbl62 (talk) 19:29, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Consider reworking the award list, that LONG list of award winners is a huge block of text. Is there an article on the award itself? Cbl62 (talk) 18:55, 6 February 2008 (UTC) There is presently no article on the award itself; I pared down the list to five truly outstanding players who received the award.
 * Consider changing the Notes heading to "References".Cbl62 (talk) 19:00, 6 February 2008 (UTC)

All in all, pretty good. Lede and merging. And some stray citations and prose tweaks.

I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on.Ealdgyth | Talk 17:38, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
 * Great work! Looks good, passing it now.Ealdgyth | Talk 22:00, 6 February 2008 (UTC)

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