Talk:John Tosi/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Harper J. Cole (talk · contribs) 11:05, 18 July 2021 (UTC)

I'll take on this review, as part of the July 2021 Backlog Drive.--Harper J. Cole (talk) 11:05, 18 July 2021 (UTC)

Lead

 * [and for the minor league Eleventh Ward Whitejackets, on Sundays] No comma here.


 * [He started one game in Brooklyn before being released. After being released he spent the following four seasons in minor leagues, retiring in 1943.] Repetition of the fact that he was released. I'd suggest simply, "He started one game in Brooklyn before being released; he spent the following four seasons in minor leagues, retiring in 1943."

Early life and education

 * [After playing high school football on Saturdays, he joined teammate Ed Michaels to play for the Eleventh Ward Whitejackets, of the minor Wilmington Football Association, on Sundays.] A bit unclear whether he played Saturdays for a time and then switched to playing Sundays, or whether he was doing both at the same time (which seems to be the case). How about, "He would play high school football on Saturdays, then join teammate Ed Michaels to play for the Eleventh Ward Whitejackets, of the minor Wilmington Football Association, on Sundays."


 * Wikilink Depression

Professional career

 * [He also bounced around in minor leagues that year] Here "bounced around" is a bit informal for Wikipedia. How about, "he played for two different minor league sides that year"?


 * [In 1944, high school teammate Ed Michaels convinced Tosi to make a return to football.] You need to say that he retired before saying that he made a return (e.g. "Tosi then retired, but in 1944, high school teammate Ed Michaels convinced him to make a return to football.")


 * [He made one last return to the Clippers and then retired for good.] --> "After playing no football in 1945, he made one last return to the Clippers in 1946 and then retired for good."

Later life

 * Wikilink Sun Oil Company to Sunoco (their current name).

Summary

 * Good work on this article about a less-heralded NFL player - the points above are all quite minor. I'll await your response.--Harper J. Cole (talk) 14:16, 18 July 2021 (UTC)
 * @Harper J. Cole I added your suggestions, thanks for the review. BeanieFan11 (talk) 17:34, 18 July 2021 (UTC) (This is my first nomination, is there anything else that needs to be done before its a Good Article?)
 * Looking good! That's all that's needed - I'll promote to GA status (it sometimes takes about 10 minutes to update). Thanks for an interesting read,--Harper J. Cole (talk) 19:40, 18 July 2021 (UTC)