Talk:Jonathon Blum/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: -- Big  Dom  17:32, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

Comments

 * Lead
 * The prose is fine, but the lead should summarise the whole article and it contains nothing from the "Early life" or "International play" sections
 * "During his major junior career in the Western Hockey League (WHL) Blum won a President's Cup as WHL champions in 2006 and a Memorial Cup in 2007 with the Vancouver Giants." --> "During his major junior career in the Western Hockey League (WHL) with the Vancouver Giants, Blum won a President's Cup as WHL champions in 2006 and a Memorial Cup in 2007."
 * Early life
 * "a couple years" --> "a couple of years"
 * "NHLer" isn't a word, maybe something like "NHL player" would be better
 * I don't think it's necessary to go into such detail about his mother's cancer. Just saying that she had cancer, was treated and then recovered in May 2006 is enough.
 * Playing career
 * The first paragraph could do with a couple more references, such as citing the sentence about the plus-minus award.
 * "plus/minus" --> "plus-minus"
 * In the second paragraph, the part about him finishing second among league defensemen should be cited since it's a pretty strong claim.
 * In the next sentence "would also set" --> "also set". This could do with a reference as well.
 * Why are there three very short paragraphs at the end of this section. Can they not be merged together?
 * International play
 * "but failed to medal once more" --> "but once again failed to win a medal"
 * Career statistics
 * This section looks OK
 * Awards
 * The awards without cites need references.
 * Records
 * Same as the awards, they need refs

A pretty well-written article overall, once the few comments are addressed I'd be happy to pass this. Message me if you have any questions about the review. Thanks, -- Big  Dom  18:07, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

Reply
First of all, thanks for taking the time to review. I addressed all the above issues as best I could. I think they're all properly taken care of, but I was unsure what from the "Early life" section I should include in the lead. I simply mentioned his birth place and where he was raised. Let me know if there's anything else I need to take care of. Thanks again! Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 07:23, 21 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Article looks fine now those comments have been dealt with. Just done a couple of minor fixes myself but I'll gladly pass this now. -- Big  Dom  17:28, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

You should mention his early childhood as playing street hockey with the neighbors. Played every week and loved it! Miss you Ashley!!! — Preceding unsigned comment added by 98.189.161.8 (talk) 23:00, 9 June 2015 (UTC)

Criteria check
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Awesome! Thanks. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 01:03, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
 * 1) Is it reasonably well written?
 * A. Prose quality:
 * B. MoS compliance:
 * 1) Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
 * A. References to sources:
 * B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
 * C. No original research:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. Major aspects:
 * B. Focused:
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Pass or Fail: