Talk:Joseph Jenckes Sr./GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 20:49, 20 September 2019 (UTC)

Happy to review the article. Amitchell125 (talk) 20:49, 20 September 2019 (UTC)

Assessment
The only general point I have found so far is the number of small, single paragraph sections in the article: referring to MOS:PARA, I would recommend you remove the subheadings where they head short paragraphs (e.g. 'First fire engine in America (inconclusive)'). Also, Use Template:Convert to convert miles to km, where it occurs.

Further comments on each section to follow shortly. Amitchell125 (talk) 10:34, 27 September 2019 (UTC)

Lead section

 * America - there needs to be clarification about the term - presumably you are referring to the USA, but it can mean different things to non-US readers (see American (word)). //Diogenes99 fixed 2022-10-04
 * Remove all links to London (as directed by MOS:OL) here and throughout the article.	//Diogenes99 fixed 2022-10-04
 * Infobox - link England to Tudor period; for the sake of clarity, consider calling Lynn ' Lynn, Massachusetts' in the lead section, as King's Lynn in the UK was also known as Lynn in those days; there is no need for the 'Other names' (as they are alternative spellings, notably different names, and are already provided in the text). //Diogenes99 fixed 2022-10-04
 * The date of Jenckes' death is not given in the text, and should be included, presumably after Jenckes died the following year..	//Diogenes99 fixed 2022-10-04
 * Without naming them all, a few of Jenckes' most notable descendants should be included in the lead section, (or simply the fact that he had several well-known descendants). //Diogenes99 fixed 2022-10-04

Early life

 * The terms Jr. and Sr. (e.g. John Jenckes Jr.) are anachronistic - nobody in 16th and 17th century England was named in this way (and perhaps also in America too during that period?). When they are taken out of this section, the text still makes sense, and so they should be.
 * The link in new members by patrimony leads to 'Livery companies' - surely this is incorrect?
 * Link: guild; apprenticeship.
 * The surname given in the baptism record is spelt 'Ginkes' - consider adding this information in a note.
 * Reference 3 ( Browne & Colket) cites 11 pages - can the citation refer to a particular page or pages, and not a range?

Sword cutler at Stone's factory

 * The sword image - looking at the information in Wikimedia Commons, it's not clear to me that it's a 'free' image'.

Immigration to New England

 * c/e he petitioned authorities.
 * Consider combining this section and the previous one - (perhaps with a title, 'Early working life and immigration to New England').

Blacksmith at the Saugus Iron Works

 * Remove any duplicated links (e.g. ' Saugus Iron Works').
 * Unlink 'Captain' from Captain Thomas Veale.
 * link - bankruptcy; wrought iron (without the hyphen); tuyere; slitting mill; patent; mint (Mint (facility)); dies (Coining (mint)); punches (Punch (tool)); Boston; Boston Board of Selectmen; air conditioning.
 * If Edward Rawson (politician) is the same as 'Edward Rawson' in the text, he can be linked.
 * What is a 'bale' (possibly my ignorance)?
 * Move link for Saugus River to the first instance of its use.
 * Also link - shackles (Legcuffs); American iron and steel industry (History of the iron and steel industry in the United States);
 * Is 'Brown University' the same as Brown University?
 * c/e 'gave permission to Jenckes' - 'allowed Jenckes'.
 * 'entered bankruptcy' - 'went bankrupt'.
 * Consider moving the 'Archaeology at the Jenckes site' subsection to the Legacy section, as the text refers to events that happened in modern times.
 * Use [sic] to indicate where the badly spelled quotations are correctly transliterated, (e.g. after workes of this nature”.).
 * Reference 32 (Jordan) - is a specific page possible here?
 * Reference 34 (Newhall et al) - the book can be found online: it shows the information is on p. 235 - not sure where you got your page numbers from.

Family

 * b. - because of a possible confusion over births/baptisms, or just for the sake of clarity, consider not using the 'b.' abbreviation in this section (or not abbreviating it in the first occurrence).

Legacy/Notable descendants

 * Notable descendants of Joseph Jenckes Sr. include his son, Joseph Jenckes Jr. - take out the abbreviations here (see above), also in the Notes section.
 * imo it makes sense to combine the Legacy and Notable descendants sections into a single section ('Legacy and notable descendants').

On hold
I've completed the review, bar a check after the above issues are sorted. An enjoyable article to assess! On hold for a week. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 15:38, 27 September 2019 (UTC)


 * Thank you for your efforts on this. I have been working on the GA for his son this week, but it was failed because I ran out of time.  I will do my best to make the changes you requested this weekend. Diogenes99 (talk) 13:32, 4 October 2019 (UTC)
 * Hello Diogenes99, good to hear from you, don't rush unnecessarily to complete the article, I can give you time to do it, if I know how much time you need. Let me know.
 * Also, you can renominate Joseph Jenckes Jr. once you have addressed all the points made by Vanamonde, and if Vanamonde or no one else picks up the GAN once it is re-nominated, I will. Amitchell125 (talk) 15:38, 27 September 2019 (UTC)