Talk:Juliana Rojas/Archive 1

Some revisions necessary. “According to a interview with her, she said yet on the first year of college they became close friends…” - It is not clear here who you are talking about. “This movie marks her filmography.” - As it is worded here this may come across as a value judgement on this particular film. I understand what you are trying to convey with this sentence but reword it so it can be more effective and in keeping with what Wikipedia expects. “one of most prestige Festival in France, notable internationally” - This part of the sentence should be reworded as well. “…both very critics and highly competitive Festivals.” - Consider rewording for clarity. “…to create a critical argument of nowadays Brazilian society.” - Switch nowadays to contemporary. Overall your article is well written and very informative, you have definitely done your research on this filmmaker and it shows. I have made some specific comments above concerning sentences you should take a look at. Spending some time carefully rereading and editing what you have would go a long way in making this article even better. Otherwise, good work!

Batcow39 (talk) 16:40, 21 February 2018 (UTC)

Your work is very well-sourced and you do a good job establishing information. Some of your sentences were not completely clear, so I edited them to what I think you meant but be sure to reread what I have done to ensure that it still makes sense based off of your sources! In the first paragraph you talk about who she has met and it is ambiguous and unclear that you are talking about Dutra. I would recommend clarifying that. Be careful of words that make it sound like you are a fan of her work (bias), for example use of the word fantastic in your third paragraph. Lastly, I would recommend that you clean up capitalization and formatting of the Awards and Nominations portion at the bottom to maintain your article's credibility! With these changes your article looks like it will fit right in on Wikipedia!

JoshDoctsonJD (talk) 17:52, 26 February 2018 (UTC)

Thank you for your recommendations of revision! I already edited it and hope it is a clearer article now. AzaAyla (talk) 18:25, 8 March 2018 (UTC)