Talk:June 2022 Afghanistan earthquake/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 18:20, 7 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Thanks for taking on this, been a while sitting there unreviewed. Looking forward to your feedbacks! Dora the Axe-plorer (explore) 02:54, 8 July 2023 (UTC)

Happy to review this article. AM

Quick fail of the nomination
The article is imo a long way from becoming a GA, and too much work needs to be done for me to continue working on my review comments. Below are some general and specific ideas for you or a future nominator to consider as a way of improving the article. Amitchell125 (talk) 08:19, 11 July 2023 (UTC)

Lead section / infobox

 * Unlink Afghanistan and other countries in the lead section and throughout the article (MOS:OL).
 * The option of looking at a map of Pakistan seems unnecessary, as the earthquake zone is shown equally well (or perhaps better) in the Afghanistan map.
 * Injured – ‘people injured’?	Khyber Pakhtunkhwa - ‘ Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province’.
 * Paktika, Paktia, Khost; Nangarhar – should be linked.	There are a lot of other places in the article where I would say to add links, I have not listed these.
 * There were 1,052–1,163 deaths and 1,627–2,976 injured in Afghanistan and Pakistan - these figures do not appear in the main text of the article. They need to be (along with the citations given, which then will not be needed in the lead).

Earthquake

 * Apart from the issue of sandwiching it causes (see MOS:SANDWICH), the map is of little use here, it covers a large geographic area, is difficult to understand, it doesn’t cover the period described in the section’s text, and the location of the Khost earthquake is difficult to determine. I would delete the image.

Characteristics

 * Duplicate link – thrust fault (there is a useful tool in the menu box which I would encourage you to use, in order to remove the other duplicate links in the article).

Impact

 * This section needs to be copy edited to tidy up the information about the earthquake damage, and the human suffering. Some examples:
 * the Afghanistan subsection contains in this order: total casualties – general causes of the destruction to buildings – total numbers of destroyed villages – the destruction in the provinces,  a town, a district, a village, a different district, several districts – and the plight of a group of Pakistani refugees. The text needs to be better organized
 * The 4 sentences of the first paragraph of the Aftermath section each deal with four different ideas.
 * The following paragraph discusses the rescue efforts and the situation in the hospitals, but the next paragraph discusses both the situation in the hospitals,and the mass graves.
 * The Domestic Response section includes further information about rescue efforts, the death toll, air-lifting victims, the roads and the lack of shelter (all mentioned previously), but also refers to UNICEF and an Italian relief organization, both of which are not imo domestic.


 * It is the deadliest earthquake in Afghanistan since 2002, when over 1,200 people were killed in Baghlan Province - this has already been referred to at the top of the Earthquake section, and should be moved there.

Afghanistan

 * The section is not about Afghanistan, but about the impact of the earthquake there, and the title should be amended to reflect this. Ditto Pakistan in the following section.
 * Operation Zarb-i-Azb – could benefit from a brief explanation (perhaps in brackets), as it may not be familiar to readers.
 * The image of the ruined house causes a sandwiching issue (MOS:SANDWICH), and as it does not illustrate the text in a particular, I would remove it.

Pakistan

 * Move the link for North Waziristan District to where it first occurs (Characteristics section). There are other examples of where links similarly need to be moved.
 * As over 1000 people were killed by the earthquake, it’s unclear to me why in this section the details of the deaths of a few individuals are included, or minor damage is mentioned.

Aftermath

 * The images are not needed here, as rather than aiding understanding, they could be considered to be decorative. The helicopter one could maybe be retained, to give an impression of the landscape and the difficulty in reaching the victims. (MOS:PERTINENCE)

International response

 * The 3 images have been enlarged unnecessarily.
 * Induced – ‘imposed’.
 * Link ₹ (Indian rupee); € (Euro). Unlink tents; sleeping bags; blankets (MOS:OL).

United States

 * This subsection, a 4-paragraph discussion about talks, unfreezing assets, and politics, (and not about the earthquake itself) would benefit from being summarized down to about half its current size. or less.

Image gallery

 * Galleries are generally avoided for articles of this kind (see Manual_of_Style/Images for one reason). Instead, link to this using in the external links section.